FALL BACK in LOVE!! FALL is the perfect time to upgrade your relationship.

by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Oct 19, 2021 | couples, couples counseling, divorce, fall, love, marriage, mediation, self-care, Uncategorized

FALL BACK IN LOVE…READ MORE TO LEARN HOW

The leaves are changing, the air is crisp, the aroma of pumpkin latte’s and pumpkin everything else is cropping up all around you. There may be a feeling of warmth and festivity in the air as the seasons change, so why is there a chill between you and your partner?

For many, the changing of the seasons signals a natural inclination for newness and growth. Instead of widening the gap and growing apart, take this seasonal cue from Mother Nature and seize the opportunity to FALL BACK in love, creating more opportunity for you and your partner not only to connect, but to flourish!

Seasonal changes as well as relationship changes are organic and normal as everyone experiences highs and lows. While these fluctuations are part of even the healthiest relationships, we sometimes need to be reminded that we have the power to strengthen and increase more of the connection in our relationships that may have diminished over time.

“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go” ~Anonymous

By increasing mindful awareness this season and letting go of some resentments and bitterness that may have crept in over time, you and your partner can reconnect. In the beginning of your relationship its often effortless to act simply as smiley lover’s loving love. These feelings of infatuation can naturally decrease if left unattended leaving one or both partners feeling disillusioned and questioning the future of the relationship.

Some signs of relationship dissatisfaction creeping in are:

– Your speech with one another becoming more sarcastic than sweet

– You may be less careful with one another’s feelings and ignore bids for attention

– You no longer “date” one another like you did when the relationship was new

– You begin to fantasize about being with someone else or being better off alone

– Instead of admiring your partners strengths, you focus only on their shortcomings

– You find yourself asking “Is this as good as it gets? Or even “Have I fallen out of love permanently?”

If these signs are familiar to you, realize that not only are you not alone, but that you have the power within you to create desired change today. By “being the change you wish to see” in your relationship you can influence your partner and can reignite the passion that you may have once feared was only a thing of seasons past.

Here are SIX things you can try today to FALL BACK in LOVE with your partner.

1. Get cozy! Take advantage of the changing season by inviting your partner to move closer to you. Keeping each other can warm the heart in more ways than one.

2. Rekindle though traditions. Don’t have any? Begin where you are by adding rituals for the holidays, or even for your daily routine. Fun is not just for kids and is important for “grown-ups” too. The pumpkin patch and piles of Autumn leaves await!

3. Gratitude. With Thanksgiving coming, be proactive now by counting your blessings and focusing on what you do have vs don’t have in your relationship.

4. Take a stroll down Memory Lane. What was it that attracted you to each other in the beginning? Remember the things that you signed up for when you made a commitment to the person that you share your life with.

5. Recommit to being “ALL IN ” in your relationship thought the power of decision. Love is a verb after all. You can begin again by remembering all the things that you did for and with your partner in the beginning when the feelings were more alive. Make a conscious decision to doing them again and doing them with kindness.

6. Self-care may sound cliché but there is a reason for it. Take care of YOU. If you want to rekindle passion in your relationship, take care of yourself outside of the relationship and make sure that your individual needs are met. If you are feeling bad about your own life, it’s hard to keep your relationship flame alive.

Don’t wait until January 1st to add “Work on the relationship” to your lengthy list of resolutions. By moving towards your desired future now, It will not only improve your relationship, but it can also make space for your other adventurous resolutions like fitness, fencing, fantasy football, or something else that you would like to have more of in your life. If more of what you need is a happier relationship, or just to “be,” In either case, do it now. Your future self- will thank you.

Blog post written by Sharalee Hall AMFT, she is available to meet with couples and families in person and online . Feel free to reach out and schedule a complimentary session.

marinaedelman.com 818.851.1293

Making Self-Care a Priority

by Marina Edelman, LMFT | May 19, 2020 | self-care

Self-care has become a popular buzzword amongst media outlets and therapists for a good reason. We must all focus and prioritize our emotional, physical, and spiritual needs to help support others and create the world we want to live in.

We cannot help others and ourselves when we pour from an empty cup. Self-care can be as simple as reducing screen time before bed to spending time with family. It can even be spending five more minutes paying attention to the sounds and sights of nature around you.

Here are just a few of the benefits of self-care.

Self-care makes you more productive

We live in a “go, go, go” society where rocket-speed work and no breaks are praised, and job applications seek “multitaskers.” The fact is that multitasking is actually proven to make us less productive. We accomplish more if we tackle one task at a time, focus, and slow down.

An example of slowing down can look like dividing tasks on a to-do list and taking planned breaks throughout the day.

It makes you more able to give to others

One big obstacle to self-care is the concept that it is selfish. That couldn’t be farther from the truth! When we focus on our emotional needs, we have more time, emotional bandwidth, and energy to give to those around us. This means more connected and fuller relationships.

It benefits your physical health

Chronic stress and overwork creates numerous physical health problems. Self-care can decrease stress levels and allow your body to relax and recharge. As we settle into a self-care routine, we experience stronger immune systems and less physical health ailments like sore muscles and colds.

It increases your capacity to handle stressors

When we are tired, emotionally drained, or sick, our capacity to handle even minor stressors drastically decreases. Self-care activities can improve your ability to handle and even master daily stressors, such as a flat tire or argument with a significant other. When a stressor occurs, the natural rhythm of the nervous system may be thrown off balance.

By practicing self-care, we give ourselves a better opportunity for our nervous systems to settle back into its natural rhythm more quickly. The resilience zone is the state of being where we feel able to handle life’s daily stressors effectively and efficiently. Self-care increases our capacity to handle stressors, or resilience.

Prioritizing self-care

Now, how do we begin to prioritize self-care? Begin by making a plan. Focus on exploring different areas of your life: personal, family, work, physical, spiritual, and relationships.

Choose a few activities within each of these categories to begin your self-care journey. They don’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. It may be challenging to wake up 20 minutes before your alarm to journal or meditate, for example, but it will absolutely be worth it.

Part of your self-care may even be regular individual therapy sessions to help you learn to focus on yourself and your own needs instead of prioritizing everyone else’s. Whatever activities work best for you are what you should incorporate into your self-care plan.

By Hadley Tarantino, LMFT. Hadley is an associate at the office of Marina Edelman, LMFT. You can read more about her here.