by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Aug 8, 2019 | affair, couples, divorce, marriage
Women cheat and have affairs. They do. Even though it’s not as talked about as men, and in some ways, a lot more unacceptable in society, women do cheat. Why? Usually when women have their eyes set on their guy, it’s forever. She will stick by her man through thick and thin. So what would make a woman turn her back on her life with her current partner, and stray?
Below are various reasons why this would happen
- Women sometimes feel underappreciated, neglected, or ignored. Inadvertently, they feel more like a housekeeper, or nanny, than a wife or girlfriend. So they seek validation of their true selves outside of their current relationship. They want to be valued not for their casseroles, but for being women.
- They crave intimacy. Women tend to feel a connection to their significant other through other ways that does not involve sex. Situations that involve talking, having fun together, building a home and social life together usually make up their definition of intimacy. So when they don’t have this, they feel disconnected.
- She is not fulfilled by her current situation and feels overwhelmed and stressed. Studies have shown that even though some women were in very healthy, loving relationships, life’s stressors triggered a need to stray outside of their marriage.
- Loneliness can lead to affairs. Women can experience loneliness in a relationship for any number of reasons. Maybe their spouse works long hours or travels for business on a regular basis, or maybe their spouse is emotionally unavailable. When this happens, women will try to fill the void elsewhere.
- Unrealistic expectations. They expect their significant other to meet their every need 24/7, 365 days a year, and when that doesn’t happen, they seek attention elsewhere. They want it all, they need it all. All the attention, all the time. This is probably feeding into some kind of insecurity issue – or codependency issue that they may have.
- Childhood or early adulthood abuse. Sometimes women who experienced profound early-life (or adult) trauma, especially sexual trauma, will re-enact that trauma as a way of trying to master or control it.
- They’re not having enough satisfying sex at home. Not only men enjoy sex, this is a common misconception. Women also enjoy sex, and will seek it elsewhere if it’s not being given at home. Sex should be fun, and common, in a relationship. It’s a deep intimacy that allows partners to fully explore and connect to each other.
Women stray too. That’s a fact. When the needs of woman is not met, she will also find them elsewhere. At the end of the day, we are all human. Men, women, all humans. And we need to feel that love and connection, that desire, with our partner. We need to feel like they are all in, as we all should be. GIving love, support, and helping each other grow. Without the connection between two people, the relationship is sort of stagnant, and not growing. When a relationship grows stagnant, it becomes suffocating. Which will develop a need for a person to want to seek other means of love and connection elsewhere.
There is a way to affair proof your relationship. If you are considering betraying your partner, see a therapist first. Therapy can help you understand what is driving your unhappiness and come up with ways to talk to your partner about lack of fulfillment. Some things cannot be undone – an affair is one of them. Managing your impulses will help you not feel guilt and shame in the long run.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | May 31, 2019 | Blog, couples, divorce, mediation
Divorce is not easy for anyone, especially those with children. We establish a life around our families, and divorce forces us to redirect that life and create a new one. Collaborating on vacation ideas as divorced parents is tough.
The one constant factor in all of the chaos, of course, is the children. We need to be reminded constantly, that this kind of change can be detrimental to the children. Families can still be considered combined units, given the correct amicable terms. We can still communicate effectively and co-parent in ways that make the sting of divorce a little less unbearable.
The two things that families struggle with are holidays and vacations. Summer vacation is a prolonged amount of time where the children are not in school and therefore, the adults must work together in a compassionate and understanding manner to co-parent and work around each other’s schedules.
Below are some tips and ideas that may help the process along:
- Plan ahead – nothing makes things easier than a plan. Planning ahead and making sure that the plan works for both parents and children is best. Use tools such as Google Calendar to collaborate effectively.
- Let older children and teens help in the planning process. Make sure that this is done in a transparent way with everyone involved so that your family will still hold on to that united front, and feel combined.
- Communicate effectively – this ensures that everyone is heard, understood, and the plan will be able to proceed.
- Celebrate each other’s efforts in the planning process.
- Avoid the phrase “My Time” when referring to your parenting period with the children.
- Use the summer to maximize spending time with your child. At the times that you do have your children, try one of the items below:
- Beach Day
- Library Day
- Picnics
- Ice Cream Day
- Visit the Zoo
- Go to the park and fly kites!
- Playdays in the yard followed by a hot dog bbq
- Water Balloon Fights!
- Gardening Days
- Movie Nights
- Be Sensitive to important events such as birthdays, fathers day, etc.
- Welcome your children’s friends over at all times. The extra company over the summer may act as a buffer and help your child transition better to their new way of life.
- Make plans for your own relaxing “me-time” when your child is visiting with the other parent. This may be fun and something you look forward to.
- Let the “VEGGING” period begin. Let your child sleep in, watch tv all day, and veg out if needed.
- Relax and just spend time with your children. Concentrate on what’s most important to you, and make beautiful memories!
In conclusion, your family doesn’t have to be split up, the dynamic is only changing, but you are still very much a family, and your ex-spouse is still very much a part of your life as well as your children’s lives. Make the transition and shift easier for everyone by not holding on to bitter feelings, and try your best to be amicable at all times. The results will be a successful co-parented, united family, with happy children, and parents who are very good friends.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Oct 4, 2018 | Blog
Mediation is very useful to resolve family disputes, facilitate divorce, and help with co-parenting among other things. As a mediator I connect my clients with professionals that can assist with understanding tax implications, appraisals, and legal forms. This is done to help all parties come up with an agreement they can live with instead of living with an agreement the law says they should accept. One of the most important elements of mediation is closure. Besides figuring out distribution of tangible and intangible property, my clients comment on how closure helps them move on and let go of emotional attachments they have towards possessions.
#mediation #couples #family #therapy
