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Best Couples Therapists in Westlake Village & Thousand Oaks

Best Couples Therapists in Westlake Village & Thousand Oaks

by | Mar 19, 2026 | Blog, couples, couples counseling, marriage

California 2026 Guide

Best Couples Therapists in Westlake Village & Thousand Oaks

Healthy relationships require communication, trust, and emotional connection. Even strong couples can experience periods of conflict, stress, or disconnection due to life transitions, parenting pressures, financial concerns, or unresolved emotional patterns.

Working with a qualified couples therapist can help partners develop healthier communication skills, rebuild emotional intimacy, and better understand the underlying dynamics that influence their relationship.

The Westlake Village and Thousand Oaks area has several experienced therapists who specialize in couples counseling and relationship therapy. The professionals listed below represent a range of therapeutic approaches and specialties.

1. Marina Edelman, LMFT

Relationship & Marriage Counselor

Website: www.marinaedelman.com

Psychology Today: www.psychologytoday.com/profile/70050 

Instagram: www.instagram.com/marina.on.marriage 

Marina Edelman, founder of TrueMe® Counseling, is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience working with couples, individuals, and families. Her practice focuses on helping clients build happiness, harmony, resilience, and stronger emotional connection within relationships.

She offers both in-person sessions in the Westlake Village / Thousand Oaks area as well as online therapy, allowing clients throughout California to access support.

Marina works with couples experiencing a wide range of relationship concerns, including:

    • Interpersonal relationships
    • Financial infidelity or financial stress
    • Communication difficulties
    • Emotional disconnection
    • Intimacy concerns
    • Life transitions affecting relationships
    • Premarital counseling

Her clinical approach integrates several well-established evidence-based therapies.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Emotionally Focused Therapy is one of the most widely studied approaches to couples therapy. The American Psychological Association has recognized EFT as a gold-standard evidence-based treatment for relationship distress.

Research has shown that 70–75% of couples move from distress to recovery, and approximately 90% experience meaningful improvements in relationship satisfaction.

EFT focuses on identifying emotional patterns that contribute to conflict and helping partners develop stronger emotional bonds and attachment security.

Gottman Method Couples Therapy

Marina also uses the Gottman Method, a research-based framework developed from more than 40 years of research with thousands of couples.

Key goals of the Gottman Method include:

    • Reducing negative communication cycles
    • Increasing emotional and physical intimacy
    • Addressing underlying sources of conflict
    • Building empathy, trust, and mutual understanding

Couples in therapy often complete a brief online relationship assessment before beginning sessions. This helps identify specific relationship strengths and areas that may need attention, allowing therapy to be more focused and effective.

Marina also offers workshops based on the Gottman 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work, which provide couples with practical skills to strengthen communication and emotional connection.

Individual and Family Therapy

In addition to couples therapy, Marina works with individuals experiencing:

    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Career or life transitions
    • Co-parenting challenges and divorce adjustment

For these concerns, she frequently incorporates Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps clients recognize unhelpful thought patterns and develop healthier coping strategies.

Her approach to therapy is collaborative and supportive, creating a space where clients can communicate openly, increase self-awareness, and work toward meaningful personal and relational growth.

2. Nicole Barkhordari, LMFT

Couples & Sex Therapy

Website: www.nicolebarkhordari.com 

Nicole Barkhordari is a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in relationship counseling and intimacy issues. Her practice focuses on helping couples navigate challenges related to communication, sexual compatibility, and life transitions.

Areas of focus often include:

    • Premarital counseling
    • Couples communication difficulties
    • Sexual health and intimacy
    • Relationship transitions and growth

Her work integrates elements of attachment theory and modern relationship psychology to help couples develop stronger emotional and physical connection.

3. Amanda Prince, LMFT

Relationship and Stress Counseling

Website: www.amandaprincentherapy.com 

Amanda Prince provides therapy for couples and individuals dealing with relationship stress, anxiety, and emotional disconnection.

Her clinical work often focuses on:

    • Couples conflict resolution
    • Emotional regulation skills
    • Stress management within relationships
    • Improving communication patterns

She works with couples at different stages of relationships, from premarital counseling to long-term partnership challenges.

4. Ashley Prechtl, LMFT

Couples & Family Therapy

Website: www.ashleyprechtltherapy.com 

Ashley Prechtl is a licensed therapist who works with couples, families, and individuals seeking to improve relational dynamics and emotional well-being.

Her therapy approach often incorporates:

    • Attachment-based therapy
    • Emotional regulation techniques
    • Communication skill development
    • Relationship pattern awareness

Her goal is to help couples better understand their relational patterns while building healthier and more supportive partnerships.

5. Julie Norvilas, LMFT

Relationship & Family Counseling

Website: www.julienorvilastherapy.com 

Julie Norvilas works with couples who want to improve emotional communication and create healthier relationship dynamics.

Her work focuses on helping couples:

    • Identify recurring relationship patterns
    • Develop more effective communication strategies
    • Improve emotional awareness within partnerships

She often uses collaborative therapy approaches that help partners understand how personal history and emotional experiences influence current relationship patterns.

How to Choose the Right Therapist:

5 Questions to Ask

Choosing a therapist is a personal decision, and the right fit can make a meaningful difference in the outcome of therapy. Many people begin their search feeling unsure about what to look for, especially when comparing different therapists or treatment approaches.

Below are five commonly recommended questions to consider when looking for a therapist.

1. What Are the Therapist’s Credentials and Training?

One of the first things to review is a therapist’s professional credentials and training. Licensed professionals such as Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs), psychologists, or licensed clinical social workers complete extensive clinical training and supervised experience before practicing independently.

Specialized certifications can also provide insight into a therapist’s expertise. For example, therapists who work with couples may have training in approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) or the Gottman Method, which are widely used in relationship counseling.

2. What Therapy Approach Do They Use?

Different therapists use different clinical approaches. Some focus on structured methods that address thinking patterns and behaviors, while others emphasize emotional processing or relationship dynamics.

Examples include:

  • – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – helps identify and change unhelpful thought patterns and behaviorsGottman Method  — Couples Therapy – research-based techniques for improving communication and resolving conflict
  • – Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) – focuses on emotional connection and attachment patterns in relationships

Understanding a therapist’s approach can help clients decide whether the style aligns with their goals.

3. Do They Have Experience With Your Specific Concerns?

Therapists often specialize in certain areas, such as:

  • – Relationship and marital conflict

    – Anxiety and depression

  • – Divorce or co-parenting concerns
  • – Family dynamics or parenting challenges
  • – Trauma and early life experiences

Choosing a therapist with experience in the issues you are facing can make therapy more focused and effective.

4. What Is the Therapist’s Style?

Some therapists are highly structured and goal-oriented, while others emphasize open exploration and emotional insight.

It can be helpful to ask:

  • – How do therapists help clients measure progress?

    – Are sessions structured or conversational?

  • – How collaborative are sessions?

A good therapeutic relationship often depends on feeling comfortable, supported, and understood.

5. Do You Feel Comfortable Talking With Them?

Research consistently shows that the therapeutic relationship itself is one of the strongest predictors of successful therapy outcomes. Feeling safe, heard, and respected can make it easier to discuss difficult topics and work toward meaningful change.

Many therapists offer an initial consultation or introductory session so clients can determine whether the fit feels right.

Therapy Options Today:

Online, In-Person, or Messaging Therapy

Over the past decade, therapy has expanded beyond traditional office visits. Many therapists now offer multiple ways to receive support, including in-person sessions, video therapy, and text-based therapy platforms.

Each format has advantages depending on a person’s schedule, comfort level, and therapeutic goals.

In-Person Therapy

Traditional in-office therapy allows clients to meet face-to-face with a therapist in a private office setting.

Benefits often include:

    • Stronger nonverbal communication and body language cues
    • A dedicated space for reflection away from daily distractions
    • A structured environment that helps some people focus more deeply on therapy

For individuals who prefer a more personal interaction, face-to-face therapy can feel more engaging and emotionally connected.

Some research also suggests that in-person therapy may be especially helpful for complex psychological concerns that benefit from deeper interpersonal interaction.

Online (Video) Therapy

Online therapy—sometimes called teletherapy—allows clients to meet with a therapist through secure video platforms.

This format has grown significantly in recent years because of its convenience and accessibility.

Benefits often include:

    • Attending therapy from home
    • Easier scheduling for busy professionals or parents
    • Access to therapists who may not be located nearby

Research has found that video-based psychotherapy can produce outcomes similar to in-person therapy for many mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression. 

Online therapy can also reduce barriers such as travel time, transportation costs, or childcare challenges.

Messaging or Chat-Based Therapy

Some digital therapy platforms allow clients to communicate with therapists through text messaging or asynchronous chat.

These services are sometimes used by people who prefer a more flexible way to communicate about emotional challenges.

Potential benefits include:

    • The ability to write messages at any time
    • More time to reflect before responding
    • A lower barrier for people who may feel uncomfortable speaking about sensitive issues initially

However, messaging therapy may not provide the same level of real-time interaction as video or in-person therapy, which is why many clinicians recommend it as a supplement rather than a replacement for traditional sessions.

Choosing the Format That Works Best for You

Ultimately, the best therapy format depends on personal preference, lifestyle, and therapeutic goals.

Some clients prefer the structure of in-person sessions, while others appreciate the convenience of online therapy. Many therapists now offer both options, allowing clients to choose the format that feels most comfortable and supportive.

The most important factor is finding a therapist with whom you feel safe, understood, and motivated to work toward positive change.

Marina Edelman, LMFT | Relationship & Marriage Counselor | Westlake Village & Thousand Oaks | Serving California. Founder of TrueMe® Counseling and TrueMe® Method

About the author

Marina Edelman, LMFT

Marina Edelman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of TrueMe® Counseling, a couples and relationship therapy practice serving clients in Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, and throughout California.

Marina specializes in couples therapy, affair recovery, and relationship repair, drawing on a carefully integrated set of evidence-based approaches:

Her counseling is best suited for couples and individuals seeking structured, research-backed support for relationship repair, affair recovery, anxiety, communication challenges, and premarital or marriage counseling — in person or via telehealth across California.

Blogs:

When a Good Relationship Starts to Break Down

When a Good Relationship Starts to Break Down

by | Mar 11, 2026

Explore the underlying reasons why even the most loving relationship can face difficulties, and discover how professional guidance can help navigate these challenges. You still love each other. That has never really been the question. And yet somewhere along the way,...

Blogs:

When a Good Relationship Starts to Break Down

When a Good Relationship Starts to Break Down

by | Mar 11, 2026

Explore the underlying reasons why even the most loving relationship can face difficulties, and discover how professional guidance can help navigate these challenges. You still love each other. That has never really been the question. And yet somewhere along the way,...

Frequently Asked Questions

What types of relationship issues can couples therapy help with?
Couples therapy can address a wide range of concerns, including communication difficulties, emotional disconnection, intimacy issues, financial stress or financial infidelity, life transitions, and premarital counseling. A skilled therapist helps partners identify the underlying patterns driving conflict and build stronger emotional connection.
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and why is it recommended for couples?
EFT is one of the most rigorously studied approaches to couples therapy and is recognized by the American Psychological Association as a gold-standard evidence-based treatment. Research shows that 70–75% of couples move from distress to recovery using this method, with approximately 90% experiencing meaningful improvements in relationship satisfaction. It works by helping partners identify emotional cycles that fuel conflict and rebuild secure attachment.
How do I choose the right couples therapist for me?
Start by reviewing a therapist’s credentials, specialized training, and clinical approach. Consider whether they have experience with your specific concerns, and pay attention to their style — some therapists are structured and goal-oriented, while others are more exploratory. Most importantly, trust how you feel in that first conversation. Research consistently shows that the quality of the therapeutic relationship is one of the strongest predictors of successful outcomes.
Is online couples therapy as effective as in-person sessions?
For many couples, yes. Research has found that video-based therapy produces outcomes comparable to in-person therapy for a wide range of concerns. Online therapy also removes common barriers like commute time, scheduling conflicts, and childcare challenges — making it easier for busy couples to stay consistent with sessions.
What should couples expect before starting therapy?
Many therapists recommend completing a brief relationship assessment before the first session. This helps identify specific strengths and areas of concern, so therapy can be more focused and effective from the start. Some therapists also offer workshops — such as those based on the Gottman 7 Principles — as a complement to individual sessions, giving couples practical tools to apply between appointments.

Ready to Transform Your Relationship?

Schedule a consultation today to discover how our therapy can help you and your partner build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
Book an Appointment

When a Good Relationship Starts to Break Down

When a Good Relationship Starts to Break Down

by | Mar 11, 2026 | Blog, couples, couples counseling, love, marriage, Uncategorized

Understanding Relationship Challenges

When a Good Relationship Starts to Break Down

Explore the underlying reasons why even the most loving relationship can face difficulties, and discover how professional guidance can help navigate these challenges.

Reignite Your Connection Today

Start Your Journey

The Dynamics of Love and Challenges

You still love each other. That has never really been the question. And yet somewhere along the way, conversations started ending in frustration. Silences grew longer. You stopped reaching for each other the way you used to. Now you find yourselves living side by side, wondering how two people who care so deeply can feel so far apart.

This is one of the most painful — and most common — experiences that bring couples to therapy. Not hatred. Not indifference. Love that is very much still present, but somehow no longer enough to bridge the growing distance.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. As a couples therapist in Westlake Village, I work with couples every week who are stuck in exactly this place. They are not bad partners. They are not failing. They are caught in patterns that, without the right support, have a quiet but powerful way of eroding even the strongest relationships over time.

Understanding why good relationships break down — despite real love — is the first step toward changing the pattern. In this article, I walk through the three most common dynamics I see in couples therapy, and what it looks like to actually move through them.

The Three Patterns That Quietly Erode Good Relationships

1. Communication Breakdown: When Talking Makes Things Worse

Most couples who come to therapy don’t have a shortage of conversations. They have a shortage of conversations that work.

What I see consistently in my work as a couples therapist is that communication breakdown rarely looks like two people refusing to talk. More often, it looks like two people trying very hard to be heard — and consistently failing to feel understood.

Over time, couples develop what researchers at The Gottman Institute call negative sentiment override: a state in which past hurts and frustrations color how partners interpret each other’s words and intentions, even when those words are neutral or even kind. A simple question like “Did you call the plumber?” gets heard as criticism. A gentle suggestion becomes an attack. Both partners are genuinely trying — and yet every conversation seems to end the same way.

This is not a character flaw. It is a pattern. And patterns can be changed.

In couples therapy using the Gottman Method, one of the first areas of focus is helping couples identify the specific ways their communication has gone off track — the Four Horsemen that predict relationship decline (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) — and replacing those patterns with tools for softer start-ups, repair attempts, and genuine dialogue.

The goal is not to eliminate conflict. Conflict is a healthy and necessary part of any close relationship. The goal is to make conflict productive — something that brings you closer rather than driving you further apart.

2. Emotional Disconnection: The Distance That Grows in Silence

Of all the patterns I see in couples therapy, emotional disconnection may be the most quietly devastating — precisely because it rarely announces itself.

It does not arrive with a dramatic fight or a clear turning point. It builds slowly, over months or years, as small bids for connection go unnoticed. A hand reached for and not taken. A worry mentioned in passing and not followed up on. A moment of tenderness that felt too risky to express.

Dr. Sue Johnson, the developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), describes this as an attachment injury — the cumulative effect of moments in which one or both partners began to feel emotionally unsafe reaching toward the other. Over time, both partners pull back. The relationship begins to feel more like a functional partnership than an intimate bond.

What makes this pattern particularly difficult is that it can coexist with a great deal of genuine love. Partners who are emotionally disconnected often describe still caring deeply for each other. What has been lost is not the feeling — it is the expression of it. The reaching. The risk.

In EFT-informed couples therapy, we work to identify the underlying emotions that have been buried beneath the surface conflict or distance — fear, longing, grief, the desire to matter — and create the conditions in which both partners can begin to reach toward each other again with some degree of safety.

This is slow, careful work. But it is some of the most meaningful work I do.

3. Unresolved Resentment: The Weight of Everything That Was Never Said

Resentment is what happens when hurt goes unaddressed long enough.

It is rarely the result of one large event. More often, it accumulates quietly — a series of moments in which one partner felt dismissed, unseen, overburdened, or taken for granted, and chose (or felt unable) to say so. Over time, those unspoken grievances calcify into something harder: a running mental tally, a reflexive brace for disappointment, a protective pulling-away that can look, from the outside, like coldness or indifference.

In my work with couples in Westlake Village and throughout California, I find that resentment is often the presenting issue but rarely the root one. Beneath the resentment, there is almost always a story of unmet needs — connection, appreciation, fairness, safety — that never found language.

One of the most important things couples therapy can offer is a structured space to excavate that story. Not to relitigate old grievances, but to understand what they meant — what they said about each partner’s needs, fears, and deep longings in the relationship. When both partners can hear that story with curiosity rather than defensiveness, something often shifts.

Resentment does not require a villain. It requires understanding. And understanding, in a safe therapeutic space, is something that is genuinely possible — even for couples who have been carrying this weight for years.

Working Through These Patterns: What Couples Therapy Actually Looks Like

Understanding patterns is a starting point. Changing them is the work.

Insight alone is rarely enough. Changing deeply ingrained relationship patterns requires practice, repetition, and the support of a skilled therapist — especially in the moments when old habits pull hardest.

Effective couples therapy is not about refereeing arguments. It is a structured, evidence-based process with three clear goals:

  • Identifying the dynamics keeping a couple stuck
  • Understanding the emotional needs beneath those dynamics
  • Building new ways of relating that are more secure, more connected, and more resilient

This is the work Marina Edelman, LMFT does every day — and it is work she believes in deeply.

Love is rarely the problem.

The couples Marina sees in her Westlake Village therapy practice are not struggling because they stopped caring. They are struggling because they are human — caught in patterns of communication, disconnection, and unspoken hurt that, without the right support, have a way of quietly winning.

The good news: these patterns are not permanent. They are learned. And what is learned can be unlearned — with the right tools, the right space, and the right guide.

If you and your partner are loving each other but not quite reaching each other, couples therapy may be the most important investment you make in your relationship this year.

Marina Edelman, LMFT is a couples therapist serving Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, and clients throughout California — in person and via telehealth.

To learn more or schedule a consultation: Book an Appointment | 818-851-1293

Marina Edelman, LMFT | Relationship & Marriage Counselor | Westlake Village & Thousand Oaks | Serving California. Founder of TrueMe® Counseling and TrueMe® Method

About the Author:

Marina Edelman, LMFT

Couples Therapist in California

Marina Edelman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of TrueMe® Counseling, a couples and relationship therapy practice serving clients in Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, and throughout California.

Marina specializes in couples therapy, affair recovery, and relationship repair, drawing on a carefully integrated set of evidence-based approaches:

Her counseling is best suited for couples and individuals seeking structured, research-backed support for relationship repair, affair recovery, anxiety, communication challenges, and premarital or marriage counseling — in person or via telehealth across California.

As a Founder of TrueMe Counseling, Marina proudly works with the following therapists with additional specialties:

These therapists see clients in Culver City, and Westlake Village Office as well as virtually all throughout California.

Cheryl Baldi, LMFT

Cheryl Baldi, LMFT

Individuals | Grief | Families | Trauma

Cheryl Baldi is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology who works with individuals, couples, and families in a warm, empathetic, and collaborative environment.

Specializations: Anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, hopelessness, and family systems.

Best suited for: Individuals who feel stuck in unhealthy patterns and are looking for a compassionate, strengths-based therapist to help them build practical tools and reclaim a more peaceful life.

Dr. Rachel Chistyakov, PsyD, LMFT

Dr. Rachel Chistyakov, PsyD, LMFT

Trauma | Kids & Teens | Families

Dr. Rachel Chistyakov brings both doctoral-level training in psychology and LMFT licensure to her work with couples, families, children, and individuals. Her practice centers on healing, connection, and emotional insight.

Specializations: Trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression, family therapy, and specialized work with children and teenagers.

Best suited for: Individuals and families seeking a highly credentialed therapist with broad clinical range, including parents looking for specialized support for children and adolescents.

Chris Calandra, AMFT

Chris Calandra, AMFT

Individuals | Men's Issues | Substance Abuse

Chris Calandra is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist offering grounded, non-judgmental support to individuals and couples navigating anxiety, relationship tension, addiction, and feeling stuck.

Specializations: Anxiety, substance use and addiction, relationship issues, and men’s mental health.

Best suited for: Individuals who want direct, down-to-earth support and are ready to do meaningful work. Particularly well-suited for men who may be approaching therapy for the first time.

Your Questions Answered

Can couples therapy actually help if we still love each other but feel stuck?
Yes — and this is actually one of the most promising situations for couples therapy. When love is present but the relationship feels disconnected, it usually means the underlying bond is intact. The real issue is a set of learned patterns that are no longer serving the couple.

Marina Edelman, LMFT uses the Gottman Method — a research-based approach developed from over four decades of study on what makes relationships succeed or fail. It helps couples identify the specific negative patterns driving their conflict, replace them with healthier ways of communicating, and rebuild trust and emotional intimacy from the ground up. Rather than simply managing conflict, the Gottman Method works to strengthen the entire foundation of the relationship. Many couples find that therapy not only resolves the immediate struggle but deepens their connection in ways they hadn’t expected.

How do I know if communication breakdown is serious enough to need therapy?

If your conversations regularly end in frustration, withdrawal, or a sense of not being heard — and if attempts to “talk it out” seem to make things worse rather than better — those are meaningful signs that you’ve developed a negative communication pattern. You don’t need to be in crisis to benefit from couples therapy. The earlier these patterns are addressed, the easier they are to shift.

What causes emotional disconnection in long-term relationships?
Emotional disconnection typically builds gradually over time as small moments of missed connection accumulate. Busy schedules, unaddressed hurts, the weight of parenting or financial stress, and the natural evolution of life transitions can all contribute. It is rarely the result of one event or one person’s failure. It is usually a relational pattern — and, crucially, it is one that can be reversed with intentional, supported work.
Is resentment in a relationship a sign it's too late to repair?
Not at all. Resentment is painful, but it is also a signal — one that points toward unmet needs and unspoken feelings that have never had a proper hearing. In my experience as a couples therapist, resentment that is worked through with skilled support can actually become a turning point in a relationship. The key is creating enough safety for both partners to move from accusation to vulnerability.
How long does couples therapy typically take to see results?
Many couples notice meaningful shifts within 6 –12 sessions, though the full course of therapy varies depending on the complexity of the issues and both partners’ commitment to the process. Affair recovery and deep-rooted resentment may require a longer investment. Your therapist should offer a clear sense of goals and progress from early on in the work.

More Blogs to Read:

Ready to Transform Your Relationship?

Schedule a consultation today to discover how our therapy can help you and your partner build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
Book Your Consultation

Thinking About Ending a Relationship? A Trusted Relationship Expert in Westlake Village, California Explains the Signs

Thinking About Ending a Relationship? A Trusted Relationship Expert in Westlake Village, California Explains the Signs

by | Jan 27, 2026 | Blog, couples, marriage

Thinking About Ending a Relationship? A Trusted Relationship Expert in Westlake Village, California Explains the Signs

Most people don’t wake up one morning and suddenly decide to end a relationship.

In my work as a relationship expert in Southern California, I see this decision unfold quietly and gradually. It usually begins with subtle moments—feeling more alone with your partner than without them, or realizing that every “conversation” turns into tension, defensiveness, or silence.

Over time, many people find themselves carrying the emotional labor of the relationship and calling it “trying.”

Here’s an important truth I share with my clients:
You’re not just choosing a partner—you’re choosing the emotional environment you’ll live inside.

The communication style, emotional safety, stress levels, and support you experience in a relationship shape your nervous system, your sense of self, and your future.

If you’ve been thinking about ending a relationship, the following signs may be telling you it’s time to take that thought seriously.

1. Communication Feels Strained—and Never Improves

Every couple argues. Healthy couples repair.

If most conversations turn into defensiveness, shutdowns, sarcasm, or walking on eggshells, the issue usually isn’t the topic—it’s emotional safety.

When you stop feeling heard or understood, emotional distance grows. Over time, that distance turns into loneliness, even when you’re together.

In long-term relationships, unresolved communication patterns rarely fix themselves without intentional effort and accountability.

2. The Relationship Feels Transactional Instead of Connected

A healthy relationship doesn’t feel like a running scorecard.

If your dynamic has shifted into:

  • “I did this, so you should do that”

  • Love and care only showing up when things are convenient

  • Managing responsibilities more than building intimacy

…connection starts to fade.

Stability can be beautiful.
Emotional emptiness is not.

3. You Feel Drained More Than You Feel Supported

Your partner doesn’t need to complete you—but they should add something meaningful to your life.

If being with them consistently leaves you feeling:

  • Anxious

  • Emotionally depleted

  • Smaller or less like yourself

That’s important information.

One of the clearest signs a relationship may be failing is feeling relief when your partner isn’t around.

Your nervous system often recognizes misalignment long before your mind does.

4. You Catch Yourself Missing Single Life (Not for Dating—For Peace)

This isn’t always about wanting someone else.

Often, it’s about missing:

  • Calm

  • Independence

  • Emotional lightness

  • Feeling like yourself again

If being alone sounds more peaceful than being in the relationship, that’s a signal worth listening to.

5. There’s No Real Desire to Solve the Problems

Every long-term relationship faces difficult seasons. What matters is willingness.

If one—or both—of you has stopped trying to:

  • Understand each other

  • Repair conflict

  • Change repeating patterns

The relationship may be running on hope instead of effort.

Relationship longevity cannot survive without accountability.

6. Your Core Values Don’t Actually Align

Chemistry can be powerful, but it won’t carry a relationship through real life.

Misalignment around:

  • Children

  • Lifestyle

  • Commitment

  • Money

  • Emotional needs

doesn’t fade with time—it usually deepens.

True compatibility is about shared direction, not just shared feelings.

7. You Can’t Picture a Future With Them Anymore

This sign is quiet, but significant.

You may notice:

  • A lack of excitement about planning ahead

  • A sense of heaviness or emotional numbness

  • Forcing a future vision out of fear of starting over

Sometimes it shows up simply:
You plan trips, goals, or even weekends—and you no longer naturally include them.

Deep down, you already know:
This isn’t the future you want to live inside.

What to Do Next (Before You Decide)

If you’re unsure whether to stay or go, don’t rush—but don’t avoid it either.

Get honest with yourself

Journal or voice-note the truth without debating it:

  • What am I staying for?

  • What am I afraid of?

  • What do I actually want?

Look for patterns, not moments

One hard week isn’t your relationship.
A repeated cycle over months or years is data.

Have a real conversation—not a breakup threat

Try saying: “I feel disconnected, and I need us to take this seriously. Are you willing to work on it with me?”

The response matters more than the words.

Consider relationship support

Individual or couples work isn’t about “fixing” things at all costs—it’s about gaining clarity, emotional regulation, and self-trust.

A Gentle Reminder From a Relationship Expert

You don’t need a dramatic reason to leave.
You don’t need a villain.
You don’t need permission.

Sometimes the most honest reason is simply this:
It isn’t working anymore.

Choosing to move on doesn’t mean you failed.
It means you stopped abandoning yourself.

If you’re navigating relationship uncertainty and want support, I work with individuals and couples in Thousand Oaks and throughout California to help them find clarity, emotional safety, and grounded decision-making.

Frequently Asked Questions About Ending a Relationship

How do I know if I should end a relationship or work on it?

If problems are persistent, emotional safety is low, and there is little willingness to repair or change patterns, it may be time to consider ending the relationship. If both partners are open to accountability and effort, working on it may still be possible.

When should I seek a relationship expert instead of couples therapy?

A relationship expert can be helpful when you need clarity, emotional regulation, or support making a decision—especially if your partner is unwilling or unavailable to participate in couples therapy.

Can relationship support help even if my partner won’t change?

Yes. Relationship work often focuses on helping you gain clarity, set boundaries, and understand your attachment patterns—regardless of whether your partner changes.

How long should I try before deciding to leave a relationship?

There’s no universal timeline. What matters most is whether unhealthy patterns are repeating over time and whether meaningful effort and accountability are present on both sides.

About the Author

I’m a relationship expert based in Westlake Village California, specializing in relationship clarity, emotional safety, communication patterns, and attachment dynamics. I work with individuals and couples across California who are navigating uncertainty, disconnection, and major relationship decisions. To learn more please visiti my website www.MarinaEdelman.com

Why Talking About Money in Premarital Counseling Isn’t Just Smart, It’s Necessary

Why Talking About Money in Premarital Counseling Isn’t Just Smart, It’s Necessary

by | Jun 20, 2025 | Blog

We often shy away from conversations about finances with our partners, whether out of discomfort, embarrassment, or simply because it still feels like a taboo topic. But unfortunately, avoiding the subject doesn’t magically make it any less important.

Finances are one of the leading sources of tension in relationships, and according to the National Survey of Families and Households (NSFH), money disagreements are more predictive of divorce than arguments about children, sex, in-laws, or household chores; how we handle money in a relationship can either strengthen our bond or weaken it over time.

Many couples assume they’ll “figure it out” once they’re married, but that mindset can set the stage for resentment, confusion, or even feelings of financial betrayal. Once you’re married, financial decisions are no longer just individual choices, they affect your shared life, your goals, your credit, and your future family. If you haven’t already built a foundation of honesty and transparency before tying the knot, you could find yourself in a situation of mismatched expectations.

That’s why addressing money in premarital counseling isn’t just a smart idea, it’s essential. It allows couples to have guided, thoughtful conversations about values, goals, debt, spending habits, and financial roles before legal and emotional commitments deepen.

Here are five key reasons why bringing finances into the open before marriage matters most:

1. Everyone has a ‘Money Story’

 

Believe it or not, money is more deeply connected to emotion than we realize. How we all handle money is deeply connected to and shaped by our personal histories. How we were raised, the expectations placed on us, and the financial behavior modeled by our guardians all impact the way we handle finances in our independent lives. 

 

Some people grew up in households where money was never discussed, which can lead to financial topics feeling taboo or overwhelming. Others may have seen money used as a form of control, where it became tied to guilt, manipulation, or approval from their guardians or the people around them. Some were raised to fear financial instability, leading to anxiety around spending, while others were taught to spend freely as a form of celebration or status. All of these different situations deeply impact the way we understand money; for one person, saving might represent security and responsibility, while for another, it could represent stinginess. 

 

Understanding these things not only gives couples insight into why each partner handles money the way they do, bringing a deeper sense of empathy and understanding into this complicated topic, but also allows us to more clearly define each person’s deep rooted ‘money story’ and their financial expectations. 

 

2. Financial Goals are Deeply Connected to Core Values

 

Beyond the models set by those we observed in our personal histories, discussing finances in relationships is crucial in ensuring that your core values and life goals are aligned. While we often have important conversations before marriage, like whether we want or don’t want children or where we want to live, we don’t always discuss what those choices mean financially. Whether you want to believe it or not, finances are deeply woven into every long-term decision a couple will face together.

 

For instance, if one partner sees travel or lavish living as a necessary part of a fulfilling life while the other sees those things as unnecessary expenses, that disconnect can cause tension and arguments down the line. 

 

Similarly, career ambition is another area where financial goals and expectations are essential to discuss. While one partner may dream of climbing the corporate ladder and devoting a large portion of their life to their work, the other may prioritize work-life balance, or a lower paying job that they are really passionate about. These topics may seem separate from money at first glance, but they often eventually raise financial questions: How will living expenses be split? What happens when one partner earns more but works longer hours?  What sacrifices or trade-offs are each willing to make, and most importantly, are they mutual?

 

Educational goals can also complicate the picture. Is one partner planning to go back to school or pursue a master’s degree? Will they need to or have they already taken on student debt, and how will that affect the couple’s financial dynamic? If one person is actively paying off debt, does that mean they contribute less to shared expenses? Finding ways to compromise and balance financial responsibilities together can only happen if the conversation is had in the first place.

 

Premarital counseling provides a safe, structured space to explore these value-based questions in depth, helping couples clarify their individual expectations and compare them to one another.

 

3. Builds Transparency and Trust Surrounding Expectations and Realities

 

We often hear that trust and communication are the foundation of a healthy relationship, and that is especially true when it comes to money. While transparency and honesty are essential in any area of partnership, financial transparency holds a particular kind of weight. Money isn’t just about math, it’s about power, security, independence, fear, and sometimes shame. Those are also all aspects that are important in relationships in general. Being transparent and communicative about finances encourages honesty in all aspects of the relationship. That’s why building the habit of open, judgment-free financial conversations early on can make both partners feel significantly more secure and respected.

 

When partners can share financial wins, losses, goals, anxieties, mistakes, and insecurities without fear of rejection or anger, they demonstrate vulnerability and trust in their partner. These conversations aren’t just about managing money, they’re about deepening emotional connection and building a strong foundation overall in the relationship. Finances are multifaceted, and just like relationships, and practicing communication with this aspect of your relationship will strengthen it as a whole.

 

Avoiding these discussions doesn’t just lead to budgeting issues; it leads to breaking of trust, unclear boundaries, secrecy, and resentment that can damage the relationship as a whole over time. On the flip side, open communication and trust in financial situations create a ripple effect  throughout the entire relationship of teamwork, reducing anxiety, and making the relationship feel more balanced, trusting, respectful, and secure overall.

 

It’s also important to remember that if we don’t navigate these conversations with transparency and trust, we can lead to falling back on societal binary expectations, which don’t accurately depict the nuances within relationship dynamics. Without communication, societal expectations and gender roles often creep into how we view money in relationships. There can be pressure on men to fulfill the “provider” role, or assumptions that women will be caregivers and not work, even if those dynamics don’t reflect the couple’s actual individual and combined values or goals. These narratives can feel limiting, unfair, or inaccurate. Talking openly about how each partner feels in relation to these roles, and what feels empowering vs. degrading, is essential for creating a financial dynamic rooted in full transparency, trust, and understanding.

 

Being financially transparent isn’t just about avoiding conflict or staying “on budget”. It’s about fostering a relationship where both people feel seen, heard, not judged, and comfortable. 

 

4. Sets Foundation for Future Planning

 

As mentioned earlier, we often talk about the future with our partners in the form of daydreams and ‘somedays’. For example, couples can often daydream about their future: “someday we will have a family” and “someday we will go on that big trip we always talk about”, and while those sentiments are sweet, they lack the specificity that comes with financing these concepts. 

 

While it’s not as fun to discuss the financial implications of having a child as it is to pick out baby names, bringing finances into these daydreams shifts them from daydreams into plans. This, in turn, promotes a feeling of deeper security in your relationship and encourages your partner to believe you’re actually serious about the plans you are proposing. When we pair these hopes and ‘somedays’ with concrete financial conversations, we turn abstract ideas into intentional, actionable plans. Talking openly about money can give weight to our words and show our partner that we’re serious about building a future together.

 

These conversations of how life will look post-marriage are essential to have pre-marriage. Future planning is more than romantic visioning; it’s about clarifying expectations, identifying priorities, and preparing for real-life decisions, and all of those can impact our decision to say “I do”. When couples make space for these conversations early on, they’re investing in clarity and stability through sharing, so that no one feels blindsided or confused with finances once the ‘somedays’ become realities.

 

5. Prevents Financial Infidelity

 

Financial infidelity is defined as the act of hiding money-related decisions, habits, or information from your partner. While this act may not always be intentional or malicious, open communication surrounding finances significantly limits the possibility of a partner feeling betrayal on financial matters. A study by Casinos Analysis found that 41% of people admit to sneaky spending behind their partner’s back and 57% say it ‘blew up’ their relationship, and Psychology Today even conducted a survey indicating that 52 percent of respondents said that financial cheating is just as bad as physical cheating, and 12 percent believe it’s actually worse.

 

What one partner may think is a healthy level of financial independence and privacy can be seen as secrecy and lying to the other party. Asking questions such as “what financial things would you rather not share?” and “what do you expect of me to share with you in terms of finances?” can significantly limit feelings of financial infidelity. Not communicating those understandings can lead to a fractured sense of trust in a relationship. 

 

Financial infidelity and secrecy can also lead to feelings of disrespect and abuse of power and control. If one partner controls the finances, whether by withholding information, limiting the other’s access to money, or making major decisions without the input of their partner, it can create an unhealthy imbalance. Even if unintentional, this dynamic is emotional manipulation, leaving the other partner feeling powerless or excluded.

 

When these conversations are avoided it makes it harder to be vulnerable in other areas as well. Financial transparency protects emotional safety and builds a relationship with honesty and respect.

 

Ultimately, financial conversations can deeply strengthen a relationship by fostering trust, clarity, and emotional intimacy. When couples approach money with honesty, understanding, and non-judgement, they create space for mutual respect, aligned goals, and long term partnership. It’s not just about managing finances; it’s about building a life together with intention, planning, and transparency.

Below are 50 questions you can discuss with your partners to begin the conversation surrounding finances and promote honesty, connection, and transparency. Book your couples consultation today and start the conversation that brings you closer: financially, emotionally, and beyond.

Money Story

● What’s your earliest memory of money?
● How did your parents or caregivers talk about (or avoid) money?
● Was money a source of stress, pride, control, or freedom in your household?
● Were you taught to save, spend, give, or fear money growing up?
● Did your family live paycheck to paycheck, or was there a financial cushion?
● What financial habits have you kept from your upbringing? Which ones have you
rejected?
● Do you associate money with security, status, freedom, guilt, or something else?
● How do you typically respond to financial stress (avoid, fix, panic, deny)?
● What messages about success and wealth did you absorb as a child or teen?
● How have your money beliefs evolved over time?

Building Transparency

● Have you ever felt uncomfortable talking about money? Why?
● Do you prefer joint or separate accounts in a relationship?
● How do you feel about financial privacy vs. full disclosure?
● Are there any past financial mistakes you’re still carrying guilt or shame about?
● What spending habits of mine (if any) make you uneasy?
● How do you define “financial honesty” in a relationship?
● Do you expect us to check in on big purchases beforehand? What counts as “big”?
● Have you ever hidden or downplayed a purchase in a past relationship?
● What would help you feel safe and respected in our financial conversations?
● How often should we talk openly about finances (weekly, monthly, as needed)?

Setting a Foundation for Future Planning

● Do you see yourself owning property one day? Why or why not?
● What does your ideal retirement look like, and when would you like to retire?
● How much of our income should go toward savings each month?
● How do you feel about creating a shared budget or financial plan?
● Do you want to have children? If so, how do you imagine budgeting for that?
● Are you open to caring financially for aging parents or family members in the future?
● How would you handle an unexpected financial emergency (i.e. job loss or a major
necessary expense)?
● Are you comfortable with us seeing a financial planner or using budgeting apps?
● What are your non-negotiables when it comes to future financial planning?
● How do you want us to approach holidays, big expenses, or milestone celebrations?

Preventing Financial Infidelity

● What do you think counts as “financial infidelity”?
● Have you ever lied about or hidden a financial decision in a relationship?
● Do you think it’s okay to have a private account or fund for personal use?
● What boundaries would you want us to agree on around secret spending?
● Would you be open to setting shared limits for discretionary purchases?
● How would you want me to bring up a financial concern or mistake?
● How can we create a judgment-free space to talk about financial slip-ups?
● What’s a sign that someone might be keeping money secrets in a relationship?
● How would you want us to repair trust if financial honesty was broken?
● Have you ever struggled with impulsive spending, gambling, or other habits that could
affect our finances, and how can we support each other if something like that comes up
in the future?

Financial Goals (Short-Term and Long-Term)

● What’s your biggest financial goal in the next 1–2 years?
● What are three things you’d like to save up for — individually or as a couple?
● How do you feel about budgeting — empowering, annoying, necessary?
● Do you prefer saving slowly and consistently or aggressively when possible?
● Are you currently saving for retirement? If not, when would you like to start?
● Would you prioritize paying off debt over saving for a home or vice versa?
● How do you feel about investing? Is that something you’d like to learn together?
● Do you have a dream purchase or financial milestone that feels symbolic to you?
● How do you want to balance fun experiences now vs. planning for the future?
● What would financial “success” look like to you 10 years from now?

Forgiveness vs. Revenge: Nurturing Healthy Relationships

Forgiveness vs. Revenge: Nurturing Healthy Relationships

by | Apr 8, 2025 | Blog, couples, family, friends, love

 

Maintaining a healthy and happy relationship takes effort, commitment, and a willingness to work through the challenges that inevitably arise. However, even the strongest relationships can face difficulties that are difficult to overcome on their own. This is where couples counseling comes in. Couples counseling is a form of therapy that helps couples identify and work through their problems, improve their communication skills, and ultimately strengthen their relationship.
One of the primary benefits of couples counseling is that it provides a safe and supportive space for couples to work through their problems. In many cases, couples are dealing with issues such as communication breakdowns, trust issues, infidelity, financial problems, or disagreements about parenting styles. These issues can be incredibly difficult to work through on your own, and can often lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and despair. However, with the help of a trained therapist, couples can learn new communication skills, improve their conflict resolution abilities, and work through their issues in a way that is healthy and constructive.

Research has consistently shown that couples counseling can be incredibly effective in helping couples overcome their difficulties and improve their relationship. In fact, a meta-analysis of 75 studies published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that couples therapy was effective in helping 70% of couples improve their relationship. Additionally, the study found that couples who participated in therapy saw an average improvement of 10-20% in their relationship satisfaction scores.
One of the reasons that couples counseling is so effective is that it helps couples to identify and address the underlying issues that are causing their problems. Often, couples get stuck in a cycle of negative interactions, where they blame, criticize, or withdraw from each other in response to conflict. However, a skilled therapist can help couples to break this cycle by identifying the underlying emotions and needs that are driving their behavior. By learning to communicate their feelings and needs more effectively, couples can begin to build a stronger, more resilient relationship.

Couples counseling also provides a non-judgmental space for couples to explore their feelings and concerns. Often, couples feel as though they can’t talk to their partner about certain issues because they don’t want to hurt their feelings or cause conflict. However, in therapy, couples can explore these issues in a safe and supportive environment, without fear of judgment or backlash. This can help to create a sense of openness and trust in the relationship, which can lead to greater intimacy and connection.

Couples counseling can be incredibly effective in helping couples save their relationship. Whether you’re dealing with communication issues, trust issues, infidelity, or other challenges, working with a skilled therapist can help you to identify the underlying issues and develop the skills you need to work through them. By improving your communication, conflict resolution, and emotional connection, you can build a stronger, more resilient relationship that will stand the test of time.

If you are your partner are needing some extra support, I am currently accepting new clients both online and in-person. You may call me at the number below or book directly on my website!

marinaedelman.com 818.851.1293

How Cell Phones Influence Adolescent Development

How Cell Phones Influence Adolescent Development

by | Apr 4, 2025 | adolescent, Blog, parenting

Guest Blogger and associate Fred Rosenbloom weighs in on adolescents and cell phones.

How Cell Phones Influence Adolescent Development

I consider myself an early adopter of technology, meaning that I’m usually one of the first persons to learn about or use new technology.  With that being said, it may sound surprising that I spent the majority of my childhood without a cell phone and without the internet.  However, this wasn’t by choice or because my parents did not allow these things.  It was because I grew up in the 1980s, before the internet and cell phone existed as they do today.  Sometimes I wonder how my childhood would have been different with a cell phone and the internet, and how those things would have affected me today as a parent of two young children.

Every day, parents are faced with making important, influential, and difficult decisions for their children with regards to how much and what type of technology their children use.  Often times, these decisions are based on age appropriateness use with consideration for what the parents of their children’s peers are allowing.

Research has discovered that as children enter adolescence, around 12 years of age, they will typically ask for their own cell phone.  This is usually because adolescence is a time to develop identity, autonomy, and self-esteem, and the cell phone can be used as, and is advertised as, a technology device that can help one develop and maintain these three important aspects of personality.  Research has also determined that adolescents typically need the help and support from their parents to purchase and maintain ownership of a cell phone.  To that extent, the following is a list of what the research has uncovered about what parents might expect as they step foot into the cellular phone store to purchase a cell phone for their child.

  1. Request for A More Flexible Curfew. Adolescents who own a cell phone generally request, or are given, more flexible curfews because now they can be more easily reached by parents.  More flexible curfew contributes to autonomy development.
  2. Perhaps A Little Less Anxious. Adolescents may experience less anxiety with a cell phone as they explore their autonomy and develop their identity and peer-relationships.  This is generally because they are just a phone call away from reaching their parents.
  3. Usually A Little More Balanced. Adolescents are likely to have an easy time balancing the need for autonomy with the need for connection and support from parents.  This is also because they are just a phone call away from reaching their parents.
  4. Be Prepared for Microcoordination. Parents communicate with their adolescent children on average of four times per day, mostly about logistical concerns such as when and where parents will pick them up and when they should be home.
  5. Adolescents Like When You Answer Their Call. The more they call, the better, as it increases their self-esteem, and yours, too!  Adolescents want the autonomy to communicate with their parents without the feelings of being monitored by their parents.
  6. Adolescents Want Your Input and Support on Their Social Life. Be prepared to discuss a topic that is important to your adolescent child when they call you.  Adolescents who frequently call their parents seeking social support show higher self-esteem and report better overall communication, peer approval, and closeness with parents when calls are made to seek social support or discuss a topic.  Parents’ self-esteem is increased as well when adolescents call them for support.
  7.   Adolescent Want To Hear About Family News and Information. When parents call to check-in and update their adolescents with future plans, information, or just to check up on school work, greater communication in the family and better family relationships are formed.
  8. Adolescents Do Want Their Space, Though. Let them call you more often than you call them, and try not to monitor your child’s whereabouts via cell phone. As it turns out, frequent cell phone calls from parents to their adolescents were associated with higher levels of parent-reported family disharmony and lower levels of parental knowledge of their adolescent’s life.
  9. Adolescents Do Not Like to Be Disciplined On A Cell Phone Call.  It’s best to discipline your adolescent child at home rather than over the cell phone.  If you’ve ever seen a parent discipline a child in public and thought it was publicly humiliating for the child, the same thing applies when disciplining your adolescent via cell phone.
  10. Adolescents Can Sense Your Emotions When You Call Them. Calls from upset, angry, or scared parents have been used to predict lower self-esteem in both adolescents and parents.  If you are feeling any of these emotions as a parent prior to calling your adolescent child, perhaps take a moment to breathe before dialing their number.
The Impact of Money on Relationships

The Impact of Money on Relationships

by | Feb 3, 2025 | Blog, couples, couples counseling

Navigating Love and Finances

The Impact of Money on Relationships

Explore how financial dynamics shape your relationship and discover tools to foster open communication about money matters.

Learn More

The Role of Money in Relationships

Why Couples Should Talk About Money

Marina Edelman, MFT - Financial Therapy

Money is often a significant source of tension in relationships, affecting everything from daily interactions to long-term planning. Financial disagreements can lead to stress, mistrust, and even separation if not addressed properly. It’s crucial for couples to engage in honest conversations about their financial goals, spending habits, and budgeting strategies to build a strong, unified partnership.

By discussing money openly, couples can align their values and priorities, reducing misunderstandings and fostering a supportive environment. This dialogue is essential for creating a shared vision for the future, ensuring both partners feel heard and respected in financial decisions.

Understanding Financial Therapy

The Benefits of Financial Therapy

Financial Therapy is a transformative approach that combines emotional support with practical financial guidance. It helps individuals and couples address the emotional and psychological aspects of money management, leading to healthier financial behaviors and improved relationship dynamics. By working with a financial therapist such as Marina Edelman, couples can learn to navigate financial stressors, enhance communication, and develop a more harmonious approach to managing their finances together.

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Financial Therapy Links
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Additional Resources

Essential Financial Discussions

  • What are our financial goals?
  • How do we manage our budget?
  • What are our spending habits?
  • How do we handle debt?
  • What is our savings strategy?
  • How do we plan for retirement?
  • What are our priorities for major purchases?
  • How do we approach financial emergencies?
  • What are our views on financial independence?
  • How do we communicate about money?
  • What is our investment strategy?
  • How do we balance individual and joint finances?
  • How do we handle financial disagreements?
  • What is our plan for financial education?
  • How do we support each other’s financial goals?
  • What are our expectations for financial roles?
  • How do we track our financial progress?
  • What are our plans for charitable giving?

Transform Your Relationship with Financial Therapy

Discover how financial therapy can strengthen your relationship by addressing money matters with clarity and compassion. Take the first step towards a healthier financial future together.

Schedule a Consultation