by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Oct 26, 2022 | coronavirus, fall, family, holiday
The holiday season is here, which means spending time and catching up with our loved ones. For many, this is a time to talk about what is in the latest news or to discuss politics. It is more than common to have families who hold different opinions, beliefs, and values. For some, it can be draining to discuss politics and can often times feel like a debate. Whether you are in the mood to talk politics or do not want to talk about it at all, either way is okay. It is important to understand how to communicate in a healthy way to be able to set proper boundaries and engage in meaningful conversations with your family members.
Leaving Politics Out
I do not want to talk about politics on Thanksgiving… What do I do?
Set expectations
You know your family best. If you want to have peace of mind that politics will not be brought up during your family gathering, it is okay to set expectations. Whether you are hosting or not, letting family members know ahead of time that you would not like to discuss politics at the gathering is a great way to set boundaries and avoid any conversations that may spark up tension.
You do not have to engage
So, you set expectations, but Uncle Sam or Aunt Joanna started a political debate… What now? You do not have to engage. If it is important to you that you focus on spending time with family and not expending energy on political conversations, it is okay to not engage. Here are a few examples of what you can say:
“I appreciate you wanting to discuss this with me but right now is not a good time.”
“I respect your feelings and opinions, but I would like to focus my energy on a different topic of discussion.”
“Thank you for sharing your thoughts about (xyz)… Hey how was your recent trip to Hawaii?”
Talking Politics
I do not mind politics being brought up but some of my family members have different views… How do I navigate this?
Many individuals hold different opinions, thoughts, and values. Most likely, there is going to be at least one family member you do not completely agree with regarding politics. If you enjoy discussing politics or have to navigate different opinions, here are a few ways to have a healthy conversation:
Listen non-judgmentally: This can be a tricky one but despite having different opinions, it is respectful and insightful to actively listen to what the other person is saying and to not be judgmental. Everyone has their own experiences in life that lead them to their own beliefs and opinions. Listening with the intent to learn and question can guide the conversation.
Ask questions: This is a great time to learn more about the topic of discussion and your family member as well. Be engaging and ask questions. Learn about the other persons perspective and see what similarities and differences are there. More than likely, you may find some common ground on some topics.
Use humor: Humor is a great tool to ease up tense or tricky conversations (in the right situation). Crack a joke with common ground to ease and lighten up the conversation.
Take a breather: Step outside or politely excuse yourself if feelings or emotions start to feel intense. It is okay to step aside and reground yourself before heading back into the conversations.
Acknowledge different opinions: Trying to change each other’s minds on a topic can cause unwanted stress on both sides of the conversation. Simply acknowledging differences in opinion is okay. It is perfectly fine to “agree to disagree” and still love your family members.
Navigating COVID-19
Aside from politics, COVID-19 may be another topic that can be challenging to navigate in terms of family gathers and vaccination status. It is natural for us to want to be surrounded by people who are similar to us including interests, values, and even vaccination status.
Some of the same tips above still apply.
Set expectations: Let your family members know ahead of time what your expectations are regarding masks, safety precautions, and getting together with others who are vaccinated and/or are not vaccinated.
Avoid judgment: Everyone is navigating through the pandemic in a way that works for them. Despite whether or not your family members are vaccinated or are taking measures to avoid COVID-19 it is important to be respectful of others personal decisions.
Expand your options: If there are family members who are unable to attend or does not comfortable gathering in-person. Try a blended gathering of virtual and in-person. What matters most, is being able to spend quality time with your loved ones whether that is in-person or through zoom!
Just a reminder: Enjoy the moment!
Be present: Engaging in conversations, enjoying good food, and playing games with loved ones is what makes holidays fun. Be present and actively engage with your family. The time spent with them will be greatly
Be thankful: Expressing gratitude is what thanksgiving is all about. Take some time to remind yourself and others what you are thankful for!
Final words from Marina Edelman, LMFT
Navigating difficult conversations or topics can be a challenge. It can be helpful to seek out a therapist who can help you build on your communication skills and learn how to navigate family challenges. My associates and I have worked with many families to help them work through difficult unique challenges.
Marina Edelman | 818.851.1293 | marinaedelman.com | Westlake Village, CA
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | May 12, 2020 | coronavirus, friends
Whether your strongest friendships are local or long distance, the Covid-19 pandemic is changing how we connect with our friends. Sure, there are endless Zoom happy hours and socially distant porch hellos, but is that enough to maintain our friendships thriving long past the pandemic?
While apps like Facebook and What’s App are seeing more than 40% growth in use of their social platforms, it may not feel like your friendships are as fulfilling as usual. But there are ways to stay connected and keep your friendships thriving during social distancing. Here are just a few suggestions on how to maintain friendships while you’re apart.
Make a Point to Reach Out to Maintain Friendships
If you feel like you haven’t connected with your friends lately, it may simply be that you haven’t had a chance to reach out. Between working from home and teaching the kids, your days may be even busier than they were before.
Take a break from the craziness of the day and reach out to one or two friends. It can be a short text or an attempt at FaceTime while the kids are screaming in the background, but it’s a start. Just seeing your friend’s face on a screen or engaging with them via chat can help keep your connection alive.
Talk About Something Good
When you do reach out, it’s hard not to focus on the news of the day. But try to connect with your friends in the way you always did, whether that’s chatting about the latest TV show you’re binging on Netflix or your success with that sourdough starter you’ve been trying for years. Talking to friends about good things going on in your life or shared interests can both increase your mood and strengthen your connection so you don’t feel so distant.
Drop a Card in the Mail
Birthday parties, baby showers and anniversary celebrations may be on hold for now, but you can still show up for your friend during a time of celebration. Send a card or present in the mail to let your friend know you’re thinking of them. If you live close enough, you can even drop something off on their porch. Small gestures like that can go a long way toward making your friendships stronger in the long run.
Take Care of Yourself
One of the most important aspects of maintaining friendships is taking care of your own mental and physical health. When you’re healthy and happy, you’re more likely to want to reach out and engage with your friends. You’re also more likely to pick up the phone when someone calls and have a conversation.
Social distancing can feel socially isolating, but it doesn’t have to. If you’re finding it hard to connect with people during this time and feeling depressed or anxious, don’t be afraid to reach out. You can contact us anytime to make an appointment to talk through your feelings and feel connected again.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Mar 17, 2020 | anxiety, coronavirus
What I Am Telling My Clients Who Are Anxious About Coronavirus
The word ‘unprecedented’ has been used and maybe over used but the Coronavirus is undeniably affecting all of us in significant ways. Social distancing has drastically affected our daily lives. This pandemic has had a toll not only on our physical and social life but on our mental health as well. You are probably familiar with statistics such as number of people infected, recovery rate, or countries impacted. Here are some other statistics to consider: in one study of Wang et al, 2020 they found that in China, 53.8% of the respondents to a survey rated their psychological impact as moderate-to-severe and 28.8% had moderate to severe anxiety, 16.5% had moderate to severe depressive symptoms, 8.1% had moderate to severe stress levels.
Know that you are not alone, my associates and I are here to help you. We are meeting with clients using video portals and phones and are finding these tools to be very affective. Please feel free to reach out for help. In the meantime here are some ways you can stay healthy and happy.
Be creative in connecting with friends and family
Physical distancing doesn’t have to be synonymous with social distancing. On the contrary, we have amazing tools at our disposal to connect with people. Here are example of three ways to stay connected.
- Google just announced that they are giving away premium feature of Hangout Meet for free. This allows you to connect with up to 250 people. Zoom, FaceTime, Facebook etc. are all great ways to connect one on one or with a group.
- Netflix has a cool feature where you can still watch a movie together and have a group chat with the Chrome extension Netflix Party. It enables you to remotely watch, synchronize the movie and chat.
- Consider throwing a remote dinner party by planning a menu together and deciding on a time. Plant your laptop on the counter and start a video conference while prepping your meal. Bon Appetite!
Self-Care to manage anxiety and depression
If you have been procrastinating focusing on your health and wellness than this is your moment. Mental health, immune system and physical health will benefit with increased attention to self care. This is a great opportunity to create healthy habits.
- Group fitness classes are great not just for the workout but because they give us a sense of community. Your gym or studio maybe closed but you can replace that with some wonderful free at home options and digital classes streaming right into your home. Staying active can help alleviate stress as well as distract you in a positive way. Here are some options:
305 Fitness: Stream full classes for free on its YouTube channel at 12 p.m. ET.
AKT: Stream free classes on Facebook Live, check its social for updated schedules.
Modo Yoga: Stream free daily yoga classes on Instagram Live.
- Meditation is something all of us want to do but can’t seem to find the time to do it. Well now there are no excuses. There are tons of guided meditation videos and apps out there. Find a quiet place to sit for even 10 minutes and just focus on your breath. Be kind with invasive thoughts. Watch them float away as you refocus on your breath.
- Eat healthy at home. Restaurants and coffee shops might be closed but a healthy meal is at your fingertips. Recent research has proven that we can help manage our mood with a healthy diet. Foods such as salmon, yogurt and dark chocolate have brain boosting properties that alleviate some symptoms. Replacing coffee with green tea or chamomile tea is also a good way to add calmness to your morning.
Maintain a similar routine or establish a new one if one didn’t exist
Being flexible and accepting change is crucial during this unprecedented time. Try to stick to your normal routine as much as possible. If you have to make adjustments because of social distancing at least keep doing it in the same order or time. For example even though you don’t have a commute, still wake up at the same time and enjoy a leisurely breakfast. If you are used to meeting up with friends after work, consider calling them while taking a walk outside.
If a routine was never your thing, consider creating a loose one such as consistent sleep schedule, work out, prepare a meal, virtually visit with a friend….
Reduce social media consumption of coronavirus
This is a big one! Reading about what is happening around the world is healthy to a point. There is a fine line with obsessing over pandemic as opposed to staying informed. Social media also allows us a peek into other people’s lives and we can’t help but to compare them to us. Recently parents have been posting schedules for homeschooling their children. The images are so cute and organized and colorful. But what if you are struggling with figuring it all out or are just not that excited about homeschooling, this can leave you feeling disappointed and a bit sad. Be cautious with how much time you spend on media in general. Subscribe to happy or good news channels as well.
Focus on what you can do vs what you cannot
You will now probably have more time on your hands and common sources of entertainment will not be available. There are so many options still at your disposal, just think outside the box. All of us have some home projects that we say we will get too but can’t find the time to actually complete. Or was your New Year resolution to write a book, read more, or spend time outdoors. Spending time outside is a great way to elevate your mood, feel a sense of freedom, and get some steps in.
Show up as your best self by channeling
- Patience
- Gratitude
- Compliments
- Understanding
- Humor
- Empathy
We are all in this together, maintaining an optimistic outlook and focusing on what is possible will help you to be resilient and creative. Feel free to reach out by visiting marinaedelman.com or calling 818.851.1293.
