by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Apr 4, 2025 | adolescent, Blog, parenting
Guest Blogger and associate Fred Rosenbloom weighs in on adolescents and cell phones.
How Cell Phones Influence Adolescent Development
I consider myself an early adopter of technology, meaning that I’m usually one of the first persons to learn about or use new technology. With that being said, it may sound surprising that I spent the majority of my childhood without a cell phone and without the internet. However, this wasn’t by choice or because my parents did not allow these things. It was because I grew up in the 1980s, before the internet and cell phone existed as they do today. Sometimes I wonder how my childhood would have been different with a cell phone and the internet, and how those things would have affected me today as a parent of two young children.
Every day, parents are faced with making important, influential, and difficult decisions for their children with regards to how much and what type of technology their children use. Often times, these decisions are based on age appropriateness use with consideration for what the parents of their children’s peers are allowing.
Research has discovered that as children enter adolescence, around 12 years of age, they will typically ask for their own cell phone. This is usually because adolescence is a time to develop identity, autonomy, and self-esteem, and the cell phone can be used as, and is advertised as, a technology device that can help one develop and maintain these three important aspects of personality. Research has also determined that adolescents typically need the help and support from their parents to purchase and maintain ownership of a cell phone. To that extent, the following is a list of what the research has uncovered about what parents might expect as they step foot into the cellular phone store to purchase a cell phone for their child.
- Request for A More Flexible Curfew. Adolescents who own a cell phone generally request, or are given, more flexible curfews because now they can be more easily reached by parents. More flexible curfew contributes to autonomy development.
- Perhaps A Little Less Anxious. Adolescents may experience less anxiety with a cell phone as they explore their autonomy and develop their identity and peer-relationships. This is generally because they are just a phone call away from reaching their parents.
- Usually A Little More Balanced. Adolescents are likely to have an easy time balancing the need for autonomy with the need for connection and support from parents. This is also because they are just a phone call away from reaching their parents.
- Be Prepared for Microcoordination. Parents communicate with their adolescent children on average of four times per day, mostly about logistical concerns such as when and where parents will pick them up and when they should be home.
- Adolescents Like When You Answer Their Call. The more they call, the better, as it increases their self-esteem, and yours, too! Adolescents want the autonomy to communicate with their parents without the feelings of being monitored by their parents.
- Adolescents Want Your Input and Support on Their Social Life. Be prepared to discuss a topic that is important to your adolescent child when they call you. Adolescents who frequently call their parents seeking social support show higher self-esteem and report better overall communication, peer approval, and closeness with parents when calls are made to seek social support or discuss a topic. Parents’ self-esteem is increased as well when adolescents call them for support.
- Adolescent Want To Hear About Family News and Information. When parents call to check-in and update their adolescents with future plans, information, or just to check up on school work, greater communication in the family and better family relationships are formed.
- Adolescents Do Want Their Space, Though. Let them call you more often than you call them, and try not to monitor your child’s whereabouts via cell phone. As it turns out, frequent cell phone calls from parents to their adolescents were associated with higher levels of parent-reported family disharmony and lower levels of parental knowledge of their adolescent’s life.
- Adolescents Do Not Like to Be Disciplined On A Cell Phone Call. It’s best to discipline your adolescent child at home rather than over the cell phone. If you’ve ever seen a parent discipline a child in public and thought it was publicly humiliating for the child, the same thing applies when disciplining your adolescent via cell phone.
- Adolescents Can Sense Your Emotions When You Call Them. Calls from upset, angry, or scared parents have been used to predict lower self-esteem in both adolescents and parents. If you are feeling any of these emotions as a parent prior to calling your adolescent child, perhaps take a moment to breathe before dialing their number.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Mar 26, 2018 | adolescent, Blog, parenting
Guest Blogger and associate Fred Rosenbloom weighs in on adolescents and cell phones.
How Cell Phones Influence Adolescent Development
I consider myself an early adopter of technology, meaning that I’m usually one of the first persons to learn about or use new technology. With that being said, it may sound surprising that I spent the majority of my childhood without a cell phone and without the internet. However, this wasn’t by choice or because my parents did not allow these things. It was because I grew up in the 1980s, before the internet and cell phone existed as they do today. Sometimes I wonder how my childhood would have been different with a cell phone and the internet, and how those things would have affected me today as a parent of two young children.
Every day, parents are faced with making important, influential, and difficult decisions for their children with regards to how much and what type of technology their children use. Often times, these decisions are based on age appropriateness use with consideration for what the parents of their children’s peers are allowing.
Research has discovered that as children enter adolescence, around 12 years of age, they will typically ask for their own cell phone. This is usually because adolescence is a time to develop identity, autonomy, and self-esteem, and the cell phone can be used as, and is advertised as, a technology device that can help one develop and maintain these three important aspects of personality. Research has also determined that adolescents typically need the help and support from their parents to purchase and maintain ownership of a cell phone. To that extent, the following is a list of what the research has uncovered about what parents might expect as they step foot into the cellular phone store to purchase a cell phone for their child.
- Request for A More Flexible Curfew. Adolescents who own a cell phone generally request, or are given, more flexible curfews because now they can be more easily reached by parents. More flexible curfew contributes to autonomy development.
- Perhaps A Little Less Anxious. Adolescents may experience less anxiety with a cell phone as they explore their autonomy and develop their identity and peer-relationships. This is generally because they are just a phone call away from reaching their parents.
- Usually A Little More Balanced. Adolescents are likely to have an easy time balancing the need for autonomy with the need for connection and support from parents. This is also because they are just a phone call away from reaching their parents.
- Be Prepared for Microcoordination. Parents communicate with their adolescent children on average of four times per day, mostly about logistical concerns such as when and where parents will pick them up and when they should be home.
- Adolescents Like When You Answer Their Call. The more they call, the better, as it increases their self-esteem, and yours, too! Adolescents want the autonomy to communicate with their parents without the feelings of being monitored by their parents.
- Adolescents Want Your Input and Support on Their Social Life. Be prepared to discuss a topic that is important to your adolescent child when they call you. Adolescents who frequently call their parents seeking social support show higher self-esteem and report better overall communication, peer approval, and closeness with parents when calls are made to seek social support or discuss a topic. Parents’ self-esteem is increased as well when adolescents call them for support.
- Adolescent Want To Hear About Family News and Information. When parents call to check-in and update their adolescents with future plans, information, or just to check up on school work, greater communication in the family and better family relationships are formed.
- Adolescents Do Want Their Space, Though. Let them call you more often than you call them, and try not to monitor your child’s whereabouts via cell phone. As it turns out, frequent cell phone calls from parents to their adolescents were associated with higher levels of parent-reported family disharmony and lower levels of parental knowledge of their adolescent’s life.
- Adolescents Do Not Like to Be Disciplined On A Cell Phone Call. It’s best to discipline your adolescent child at home rather than over the cell phone. If you’ve ever seen a parent discipline a child in public and thought it was publicly humiliating for the child, the same thing applies when disciplining your adolescent via cell phone.
- Adolescents Can Sense Your Emotions When You Call Them. Calls from upset, angry, or scared parents have been used to predict lower self-esteem in both adolescents and parents. If you are feeling any of these emotions as a parent prior to calling your adolescent child, perhaps take a moment to breathe before dialing their number.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 21, 2017 | Blog, parenting
Guest Blogger and associate Fred Rosenbloom shares his experience in bringing a newborn home during the holidays.
We were looking forward to bringing our newborn home during the holidays, until we actually did and regretfully declined one holiday soirée after another.
When the doctor told me and my wife that her due date for giving birth was going to be November 21st, just before Thanksgiving, we were very excited at the idea of bringing a newborn baby home just in time for the holiday season. As this would be our second child, my wife felt that having the baby before Thanksgiving would allow her to be present with friends and family from out of town instead of worrying about going into labor at the dinner table. Meanwhile, I was looking forward to being able to enjoy all the yummy food at Thanksgiving, and at the Hanukkah and Christmas parties that would follow.
As it turned out, our baby boy was born six days before Thanksgiving and my wife and new baby spent three days in the post partum recovery room, leaving only three days before Thanksgiving for us to adjust to life back at home with a new baby and a toddler. We had already been mentally preparing to lose sleep, change a lot of diapers, and drink extra coffee, especially to keep up with the energy level of our two year old daughter during the day. What we weren’t prepared for, and didn’t expect to happen, was missing out on the family Thanksgiving dinner, followed by saying no to almost all of the Hanukkah and Christmas party invitations.
On Thanksgiving Day, unfortunately my wife wasn’t feeling well and spent most of the afternoon and evening at urgent care to make sure she was ok, while I stayed home with our two children. Thankfully, our family brought us food, but we felt lonely and sad to miss out on spending the holiday with them. Two weeks after Thanksgiving, we decided we would try to attend a formal Hanukkah gala in the evening. Unexpectedly, our babysitter got sick the night before and we couldn’t find a backup. We decided we’d try bringing both children to the gala. Luckily we were seated at a table in the back of the ballroom, but between socializing with family and friends, my wife breastfeeding our newborn, and me chasing our daughter around the hotel lobby, when we finally arrived home at midnight, we looked at each other and decided that maybe we should just be homebodies for a few months, at least during the night time.
Saying no to family and friends during the holidays has been perhaps more difficult than any other time of the year, maybe because it’s considered by many to be a time of giving and a time to be with family. Whether it’s giving gifts, or giving of our time, we feel obligated to say yes, and feel guilty when we say no, especially when family members express disappointment that we won’t be at family gatherings, and family from out of town wants to see the new baby. Perhaps the fear of missing out on good times and feeling isolated if we say no, combined with worry about future invitations, only adds to the challenge of saying “no” this holiday season.
In order to accommodate seeing our family and friends, we’ve decided that they will have to come visit us during this holiday season. In doing this, we’ve set clear boundaries to help us manage those guilty feelings and fears while at the same time created realistic opportunities to see friends and family. Rather than responding to an invitation by saying “we’ll try to be there”, which is basically avoiding and postponing saying “no”, we let them know we’d love to be there, explain our situation, and suggest that maybe in a few months we can meet outside of our home, and also to please come over as it is difficult for us to go out to socialize right now.
Saying “no” isn’t easy, and, in general, there are many things to which we say “yes” during the day in order to avoid conflict and uncomfortable feelings. Thankfully, there are some good books to help with feeling more assertive and comfortable with saying the dreaded word, “no”.
Boundaries Updated and Expanded Ediction: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life, by Cloud and Townsend
The Power of No: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance, and Happiness, by Altucher and Altucher
As our children grow, we anticipate that our boundaries will change and that we’ll be able to say yes to invitations more often than we currently say no. Hopefully next year, we look forward to being able to gather around at the Thanksgiving table with our children, family, and friends, but maybe we’ll skip the holiday parties for just one more year.
