by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Apr 1, 2025 | couples counseling, marriage, mediation, Uncategorized
When Love Moves Out but the Lease Remains
Discover strategies to manage the complexities of navigating relationship transitions due to financial ties like leases, and learn how to regain your independence and happiness through clean and solution oriented communication strategies.
Understanding Relationship Stuckness
Many couples find themselves feeling trapped in relationships due to financial commitments such as shared leases or joint financial obligations. These situations can create a sense of helplessness and strain on the relationship. As a Gottman Level 3 trained licensed marriage and family therapist, I specialize in helping couples navigate these challenges. My practice focuses on empowering individuals to make informed decisions about their relationships, ensuring both emotional and financial well-being.
While shared leases can create challenging transitions, remembering the temporary nature of the situation helps maintain perspective. With clear communication, established boundaries, and forward planning, this period can be navigated with minimal additional stress.
Financial entanglements like a shared lease can create a false sense of obligation to remain in an unfulfilling relationship. What’s truly needed is honest communication about both parties’ needs and boundaries. Creating a practical exit strategy that addresses lease obligations can help transform what feels like being ‘trapped’ into an empowering transition plan that respects both partners.
I was named a local expert on ApartmentGuide. Read the full article here: Stuck In a Relationship Because of a Lease? Here’s What Experts Prescribe. https://www.apartmentguide.com/blog/stuck-in-a-relationship-because-of-a-lease/
ApartmentGuide is a subsidiary of Redfin.com
Navigating Financially Tied Relationships
In today’s housing market, financial practicality often means couples move in together earlier in relationships than previous generations. While this arrangement works beautifully for many, it creates unique challenges when relationships end but lease agreements don’t. The emotional complexity of a breakup becomes intertwined with practical housing considerations, creating a situation where many feel “stuck” in proximity to an ex-partner.
As housing costs continue to rise in metropolitan areas, this scenario becomes increasingly common. According to recent surveys, nearly 40% of adults have continued living with a partner after deciding to end their relationship, primarily citing financial constraints and lease obligations as the determining factors.
This blog explores strategies for maintaining your emotional wellbeing while navigating the practical realities of shared leases during relationship transitions.
How can financial obligations affect my relationship?
Financial obligations can create stress and tension, leading to feelings of being trapped. It’s important to communicate openly about financial concerns and seek professional guidance if needed.
What steps can we take to address feeling stuck?
Start by having an honest conversation about your feelings and financial situation. Consider seeking therapy to explore your options and develop a plan that prioritizes both partners’ needs.
Is it possible to renegotiate a lease if we decide to separate?
Yes, many landlords are willing to negotiate lease terms if both parties agree. It may involve finding a replacement tenant or paying a fee, but it’s worth exploring to alleviate the financial burden.
Can financial therapy help us manage our obligations better?
Absolutely. Financial therapy can provide tools and strategies to manage your financial commitments more effectively, reducing stress and improving your relationship dynamics.
When facing a lease constraint in a relationship that's ending, consider these primary options:
Breaking a lease typically involves financial penalties but provides the cleanest separation.
Considerations:
- Review your lease agreement for early termination clauses
- Calculate the total cost of breaking the lease (typically 1-2 months’ rent plus security deposit)
- Determine if either party can afford to take on this cost alone or if it will be shared
- Consider whether the emotional benefits outweigh the financial penalties
Many lease agreements allow for subletting or assigning the lease to new tenants, with landlord approval.
Considerations:
- Review lease terms regarding subletting and assignment rights
- Understand the process for landlord approval of new tenants
- Determine who will move out and who will stay
- Address how the security deposit will be handled
- Establish clear timelines for the transition
Cont. Cohabitation w/Boundaries
For those with longer leases or significant financial constraints, continuing to live together may be necessary, but with clearly established boundaries.
Considerations:
- Establish clear agreements about shared spaces, private areas, and schedules
- Create systems for managing shared expenses
- Set expectations about guests and new relationships
- Develop communication protocols for addressing issues that arise
Relationship and Financial Advice
Feeling trapped in a relationship due to financial ties can be overwhelming. Reach out today for a personalized consultation to explore your options and find a path forward.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jan 1, 2025 | couples counseling, Uncategorized
Unlock the Power of Shared Dreams
Become the IT Couple: Manifest Your Marital Goals
As a Los Angels couples therapist, I find that starting of the New Year with intention for your relationship can be transformative. By combining the Gottman Method with Joe Dispenza’s manifestation principles, my template will help you achieve your relationship and life goals.
Introducing the marriage manifestation template
Harnessing the Power of Connection and Manifestation
The Marriage Manifestation Template is a unique tool that integrates the principles of the Gottman Method and Joe Dispenza’s manifestation techniques. This innovative approach helps couples align their aspirations, fostering a deeper emotional connection and a shared vision for the future. By visualizing and articulating your goals together, you create a powerful synergy that enhances both personal and relational growth.
Benefits of a Marriage Manifestation Template
Creating shared dreams offers numerous benefits, including strengthening emotional bonds and clarifying shared goals. It acts as a visual reminder of your commitments, helping to keep both partners aligned and motivated. This practice not only enhances communication but also fosters a sense of unity and purpose, making it easier to navigate challenges and celebrate achievements together.
Enhancing Relationship Dynamics
Integrating Manifestation to create 2025 Marriage Goals
Begin by discussing and identifying common aspirations that both partners wish to manifest together.
Daily Gratitude Practice. Create affirmations that align with your shared vision
Love Maps, nurture fondness, turn towards, accept influence, break gridlock
Set Small, Achievable Goals.
Track progress.
Crafting Your Vision for the Future
Creating a Marriage Manifestation template is a powerful tool that combines the insights of the Gottman Method with the transformative principles of Joe Dispenza’s manifestation techniques. By visualizing your shared goals, you and your partner can strengthen your relationship and align your aspirations. This process not only enhances communication but also fosters a deeper connection, paving the way for a harmonious future together.
Take the first step towards realizing your dreams by dedicating time to craft your vision. Embrace the journey of discovery and collaboration, and watch as your shared dreams begin to manifest. Remember, the key to success lies in your commitment and openness to growth. Start today and witness the positive changes unfold in your life.
Explore the Possibilities
Ready to dive deeper into the world of manifestation and the Gottman Method? Schedule a session and learn how this powerful tool can enhance your relationship and personal growth. Our sessions are designed to provide you with the skills and insights needed to create a meaningful and beautiful marriage.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Oct 19, 2021 | couples, couples counseling, divorce, fall, love, marriage, mediation, self-care, Uncategorized
FALL BACK IN LOVE…READ MORE TO LEARN HOW
The leaves are changing, the air is crisp, the aroma of pumpkin latte’s and pumpkin everything else is cropping up all around you. There may be a feeling of warmth and festivity in the air as the seasons change, so why is there a chill between you and your partner?
For many, the changing of the seasons signals a natural inclination for newness and growth. Instead of widening the gap and growing apart, take this seasonal cue from Mother Nature and seize the opportunity to FALL BACK in love, creating more opportunity for you and your partner not only to connect, but to flourish!
Seasonal changes as well as relationship changes are organic and normal as everyone experiences highs and lows. While these fluctuations are part of even the healthiest relationships, we sometimes need to be reminded that we have the power to strengthen and increase more of the connection in our relationships that may have diminished over time.
“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go” ~Anonymous
By increasing mindful awareness this season and letting go of some resentments and bitterness that may have crept in over time, you and your partner can reconnect. In the beginning of your relationship its often effortless to act simply as smiley lover’s loving love. These feelings of infatuation can naturally decrease if left unattended leaving one or both partners feeling disillusioned and questioning the future of the relationship.
Some signs of relationship dissatisfaction creeping in are:
– Your speech with one another becoming more sarcastic than sweet
– You may be less careful with one another’s feelings and ignore bids for attention
– You no longer “date” one another like you did when the relationship was new
– You begin to fantasize about being with someone else or being better off alone
– Instead of admiring your partners strengths, you focus only on their shortcomings
– You find yourself asking “Is this as good as it gets? Or even “Have I fallen out of love permanently?”
If these signs are familiar to you, realize that not only are you not alone, but that you have the power within you to create desired change today. By “being the change you wish to see” in your relationship you can influence your partner and can reignite the passion that you may have once feared was only a thing of seasons past.
Here are SIX things you can try today to FALL BACK in LOVE with your partner.
1. Get cozy! Take advantage of the changing season by inviting your partner to move closer to you. Keeping each other can warm the heart in more ways than one.
2. Rekindle though traditions. Don’t have any? Begin where you are by adding rituals for the holidays, or even for your daily routine. Fun is not just for kids and is important for “grown-ups” too. The pumpkin patch and piles of Autumn leaves await!
3. Gratitude. With Thanksgiving coming, be proactive now by counting your blessings and focusing on what you do have vs don’t have in your relationship.
4. Take a stroll down Memory Lane. What was it that attracted you to each other in the beginning? Remember the things that you signed up for when you made a commitment to the person that you share your life with.
5. Recommit to being “ALL IN ” in your relationship thought the power of decision. Love is a verb after all. You can begin again by remembering all the things that you did for and with your partner in the beginning when the feelings were more alive. Make a conscious decision to doing them again and doing them with kindness.
6. Self-care may sound cliché but there is a reason for it. Take care of YOU. If you want to rekindle passion in your relationship, take care of yourself outside of the relationship and make sure that your individual needs are met. If you are feeling bad about your own life, it’s hard to keep your relationship flame alive.
Don’t wait until January 1st to add “Work on the relationship” to your lengthy list of resolutions. By moving towards your desired future now, It will not only improve your relationship, but it can also make space for your other adventurous resolutions like fitness, fencing, fantasy football, or something else that you would like to have more of in your life. If more of what you need is a happier relationship, or just to “be,” In either case, do it now. Your future self- will thank you.
Blog post written by Sharalee Hall AMFT, she is available to meet with couples and families in person and online . Feel free to reach out and schedule a complimentary session.
marinaedelman.com 818.851.1293
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jan 16, 2019 | Blog, Uncategorized
When I went back to school to get my masters to become a therapist, I was married with two small children. Part of my training involved reflecting on my family of origin and my nuclear family. My parents and step parents were very eager to help me recall nuances of my childhood and adolescent life. They were open to be analyzed and accepted their successes and failures.
I then turned my attention to my nuclear family. I began examining my children based on birth order, gender, type of pregnancy etc. My husband was a willing participant in putting our children and our parenting of them under a microscope. We changed from using a discipline model to organic consequences and saw positive changes.
Our marriage was and still is solid, so I turned the spotlight on him and us. There was a specific incident that I remember happened during a semester where I was learning to diagnose using DSM IV. During an argument I switched from arguing as a spouse and put on my therapist hat and disassociated from ‘US’. I felt very powerful in being able to see my husband as a client and quickly maneuvered in the argument to position my self as the winner.
This did not go over very well with him. Although not in the mental health field, he was a formidable opponent and called me out. Initially I resisted his assessment and continued to stand on my soap box. After a few more altercations of this sort, I realized that my marriage was suffering because I was not connecting with him but more looking at him as a client for whom I have unconditional positive regard but not love or true emotional connection with.
That was a turning point and I stopped being a therapist in my personal life. I expanded that to cover my friends, children and other family members. My practice is very fulfilling and I am able to create boundaries for myself to easily transition from Therapist to Civilian.
As a Gottman Level II therapist I attract a lot of couples. After session they tend to use therapy as a weapon in their fights by either quoting me or using what their partner shared, in a vulnerable state, against them. I strongly caution against that. This is one of the main reasons I see couples dropping out of counseling prematurely and not getting the help they need.
Talking about how the session went is common and healthy. Have a safe conversation by showing appreciation for transparency and validate your partners concerns. Your relationship will thank you!
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 13, 2018 | Uncategorized
I live in sunny California, but even here when the days get shorter I notice people’s energy level, mood and productivity goes down. Therapy Helps!
According to Mayo Clinic ‘Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons — SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year. If you’re like most people with SAD, your symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody. Less often, SAD causes depression in the spring or early summer.’
Treatment includes light therapy (if you haven’t see Broad City’s episode about this you should!), medication and psychotherapy.
Therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most affective for sufferers. We will work on first diagnosing the problem and ruling out other causes of depression. Then the work focuses on replacing negative thoughts and creating new behaviors such as cutting out junk food and increasing exercise. After about 6 consecutive sessions clients see improved mood and energy.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Nov 26, 2018 | Uncategorized
Our community has undergone so much and I along with my associates would like to give back by offering all Woolsey fire and Borderline shooting victims a complimentary session to help them cope with the trauma they experienced. I have been contacted by Ventura County DA’s office inquiring if I would be interested in being a provider for those affected by crime, I will be a participating provider. If you or your family has been impacted by the Borderline shooting you are entitled to a series of psychotherapy sessions under Victim of Crime program. Please provide your number at the time of scheduling a session.
Feel free to call the office at 818.851.1293 and let us know your contact information, availability and if you have been impacted by the shooting the claim number.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Mar 1, 2017 | Blog, couples, Uncategorized
How To Protect Your Relationship From Affairs
Many marriages end up in divorce when a couple is caught having affairs. Security and trust are easily destroyed. Thankfully, couples who decide to stay and go through counseling regain that sense of security and trust again. To protect your marriage or relationship and have a happy one, you need to make it affair-proof.
How to affair-proof your relationship:
1. Talk About Fidelity and What it Means to you
Ensure that you talk to your partner about fidelity, how important it is to you, and how it would affect you and the marriage if there is ever a betrayal. Your partner might not know how important it is to you or what your reactions towards it might be. It is more difficult to cheat when there is a continuous discussion about faithfulness and your feelings towards it.
2. Keep your Sex Life Active and Exciting
Feeling neglected, tolerated or unwanted can be a big push into someone else’s bed. Don’t allow your sex life to sink gradually and feel there won’t be any consequence. Show your partner that you desire him/her by accepting advances and being playful.
3. Ensure That your Relationship is Intimate
Sometimes, affairs happen because someone is feeling disconnected or angry. Use that passion to turn towards your partner instead of away by sharing intimate thoughts and feelings.
4. Keep Things Romantic
Don’t let your partners daydream about a candlelight dinner or a trip to Paris with someone else because they know you won’t do it. Say sweet things like “I love you,” “I miss you,” “I am so fortunate because I have you.” Yes! All these mushy things don’t go out of style.
5. Spend Time Together
When couples stay with each other for a long time, they tend to get too busy and have little time for each other. Spending too much time with friends instead of your spouse can make it easy for someone else to step in. If you feel the connection between you and your spouse is wearing off, it is time to change things quickly.
6. Stay Away From Temptation
You are always going to meet someone more attractive than your spouse; it may be a neighbor, co-worker, high school sweetheart. Avoid that person or any comprising situation that might lead you into temptation.
