by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Apr 13, 2026 | Blog
What Predicts Whether a Couple Survives Infidelity
It is not the strength of the relationship before—it is the response after.
Contrary to common assumptions, couples who survive infidelity are not necessarily those with the strongest relationships prior to betrayal.
They are the couples willing to engage in the most difficult emotional work afterward.
Key Predictors of Recovery
Avoiding minimization and fully acknowledging impact
Understanding underlying relational dynamics
Trust is reconstructed through repeated, consistent behavior
Both partners engage emotionally in the repair process
What Does Not Predict Recovery
- longevity of the relationship
- intensity of prior love
- absence of conflict
The Role of Emotional Safety
Recovery depends on restoring a sense of safety—not just ending the affair.
- Crisis stabilization
- Meaning-making
- Reconnection
Couples Therapist in California
Marina Edelman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of TrueMe® Counseling, a couples and relationship therapy practice serving clients in Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, and throughout California.
Marina specializes in couples therapy, affair recovery, and relationship repair, drawing on a carefully integrated set of evidence-based approaches:
Her counseling is best suited for couples and individuals seeking structured, research-backed support for relationship repair, affair recovery, anxiety, communication challenges, and premarital or marriage counseling — in person or via telehealth across California.
As a Founder of TrueMe Counseling, Marina proudly works with the following therapists with additional specialties:
These therapists see clients in Culver City, and Westlake Village Office as well as virtually all throughout California.
Individuals | Grief | Families | Trauma
Cheryl Baldi is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology who works with individuals, couples, and families in a warm, empathetic, and collaborative environment.
Specializations: Anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, hopelessness, and family systems.
Best suited for: Individuals who feel stuck in unhealthy patterns and are looking for a compassionate, strengths-based therapist to help them build practical tools and reclaim a more peaceful life.
Trauma | Kids & Teens | Families
Dr. Rachel Chistyakov brings both doctoral-level training in psychology and LMFT licensure to her work with couples, families, children, and individuals. Her practice centers on healing, connection, and emotional insight.
Specializations: Trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression, family therapy, and specialized work with children and teenagers.
Best suited for: Individuals and families seeking a highly credentialed therapist with broad clinical range, including parents looking for specialized support for children and adolescents.
Individuals | Men's Issues | Substance Abuse
Chris Calandra is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist offering grounded, non-judgmental support to individuals and couples navigating anxiety, relationship tension, addiction, and feeling stuck.
Specializations: Anxiety, substance use and addiction, relationship issues, and men's mental health.
Best suited for: Individuals who want direct, down-to-earth support and are ready to do meaningful work. Particularly well-suited for men who may be approaching therapy for the first time.
Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy
Explore answers to frequently asked questions about the benefits and processes of couples therapy.
What issues can couples therapy help with?
Couples therapy can help with communication issues, emotional disconnection, infidelity, and conflict patterns.
Is online therapy effective?
Yes—research shows online therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions for many couples.
What approach do you use?
I integrate Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method, both research-backed approaches.
Healing is less about returning to what existed before—and more about creating a different, more secure relational dynamic.
You’re not just choosing a partner—you’re choosing the emotional environment you live in.
If your relationship feels disconnected, stuck, or uncertain, therapy can help you understand what’s happening and how to move forward.
Learn more or schedule a consultation at MarinaEdelman.com
Rebuild Emotional Intimacy Today
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | May 2, 2021 | couples, marriage
Communicate, Communicate some more, And Now Again!
I never meet couples in my practice who over communicate. Instead I meet couples who make wrong assumptions about one another, stonewall and say things like “what’s the point” or “nothing I say matters”, fight to win.
Sounds like you? It’s o.k. and even beneficial for your relationship to fight as long as it’s done with intention to gain closeness or increase understanding. Unfortunately couples get lost in the power struggle that is created. How it comes about no-one knows but they know they are in the middle of it. It feels like a cob web, you don’t see it as you are walking through the forest but you sure know you walked right into it. Getting out of the web or power struggle is a struggle on its own. You promise yourself to not repeat a mistake but nevertheless find ourself battling for control. Who started it – anyone’s guess. Who ends it – either one can.
There is a theory, not sure who to attribute it too, that we enter into a committed relationship with someone who inadvertently picks on our wounds. They don’t mean to do it but they do it. Ever point out a bruise to your significant other just to have them push on it? They are trying to confirm the visual and accidentally do it too hard. From a relationship stand point, let’s say Partner A feels anxious if a fight is not immediately repaired and they marry Partner B who needs time to process. When Partner B asks for time they are not trying to punish or reject Partner A and yet that is exactly how it feels. So who should sacrifice their needs?
Maybe no one needs too. A great tool is for both partners to validate their needs in an exaggerated way. So in this instance Partner A would say “I know you need time to process and despite my fear of being apart during this time I will wait for you”. Partner B should validate and offer up something to comfort Partner A “I appreciate you acknowledging my need, let’s talk in 2 hours”. At this point it is vital for Partner B to stick to that promise. In absence of following through on this commitment betrayal and mistrust will start to grow.
The example above sounds very forced and formal. This is not how you will continue to speak but sometimes when learning a new skill exaggeration helps. Remember when you started to drive and you were very mechanical in checking rear view mirror and then paying attention to the road and then checking side mirrors and so on. Think of retraining yourself as learning to drive. Yes it is mechanical but the results are worth it. Slowly natural patterns will set in and trust and attunement will be second nature.
Try these communication tools:
- Speak with good intention
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- Is your intention to win an argument or be understood
- Validate what your spouse just said even if you disagree.
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- Validation is not an apology or an agreement, simply restate what your partner said
- Speak slowly and for short period of time
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- Your partner can’t process or remember a monologue
- Use ‘I Statements’
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- I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to not accuse but merely share a feeling
- Stay on topic
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- The flood gates have opened up and you are finally talking but practice self restraint and stay focused on one topic until a resolution has been reached
In my subsequent blogs I will share the second part of healthy communication practices. For now see if you can incorporate these 5 into your relationship. These tips are beneficial not just for romantic partners but for platonic and professional relationships as well.
Please visit marinaedelman.com to learn more about me or follow me on Instagram @marina.on.marriage. Feel free to leave comments or ask follow up questions. Happy Coupling!
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“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.”
—Helen Keller
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Aug 8, 2019 | affair, couples, divorce, marriage
Women cheat and have affairs. They do. Even though it’s not as talked about as men, and in some ways, a lot more unacceptable in society, women do cheat. Why? Usually when women have their eyes set on their guy, it’s forever. She will stick by her man through thick and thin. So what would make a woman turn her back on her life with her current partner, and stray?
Below are various reasons why this would happen
- Women sometimes feel underappreciated, neglected, or ignored. Inadvertently, they feel more like a housekeeper, or nanny, than a wife or girlfriend. So they seek validation of their true selves outside of their current relationship. They want to be valued not for their casseroles, but for being women.
- They crave intimacy. Women tend to feel a connection to their significant other through other ways that does not involve sex. Situations that involve talking, having fun together, building a home and social life together usually make up their definition of intimacy. So when they don’t have this, they feel disconnected.
- She is not fulfilled by her current situation and feels overwhelmed and stressed. Studies have shown that even though some women were in very healthy, loving relationships, life’s stressors triggered a need to stray outside of their marriage.
- Loneliness can lead to affairs. Women can experience loneliness in a relationship for any number of reasons. Maybe their spouse works long hours or travels for business on a regular basis, or maybe their spouse is emotionally unavailable. When this happens, women will try to fill the void elsewhere.
- Unrealistic expectations. They expect their significant other to meet their every need 24/7, 365 days a year, and when that doesn’t happen, they seek attention elsewhere. They want it all, they need it all. All the attention, all the time. This is probably feeding into some kind of insecurity issue – or codependency issue that they may have.
- Childhood or early adulthood abuse. Sometimes women who experienced profound early-life (or adult) trauma, especially sexual trauma, will re-enact that trauma as a way of trying to master or control it.
- They’re not having enough satisfying sex at home. Not only men enjoy sex, this is a common misconception. Women also enjoy sex, and will seek it elsewhere if it’s not being given at home. Sex should be fun, and common, in a relationship. It’s a deep intimacy that allows partners to fully explore and connect to each other.
Women stray too. That’s a fact. When the needs of woman is not met, she will also find them elsewhere. At the end of the day, we are all human. Men, women, all humans. And we need to feel that love and connection, that desire, with our partner. We need to feel like they are all in, as we all should be. GIving love, support, and helping each other grow. Without the connection between two people, the relationship is sort of stagnant, and not growing. When a relationship grows stagnant, it becomes suffocating. Which will develop a need for a person to want to seek other means of love and connection elsewhere.
There is a way to affair proof your relationship. If you are considering betraying your partner, see a therapist first. Therapy can help you understand what is driving your unhappiness and come up with ways to talk to your partner about lack of fulfillment. Some things cannot be undone – an affair is one of them. Managing your impulses will help you not feel guilt and shame in the long run.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Aug 1, 2019 | affair, Blog, couples
When we are newly married, happy, and carefree, usually a time before children are in our lives, the thought of an affair seems impossible! Why would anyone stray from this marriage? This person? The person you married is incredible, sexy, and fun!
However, a few years down the line could potentially paint a different picture! Imagine your beautiful, sexy, fun wife as a tired, rundown, working mother with a full time job and a toddler. OR is she a stay at home mom with multiple schedules, children, a newborn baby, and a house to take care of! A husband who feels like he doesn’t see himself in his wife’s eyes anymore. A husband who feels insecure and invisible to his wife when the kids are involved.
Sometimes in a marriage, the fun disappears. The validation disappears. You no longer feel wanted or needed by your spouse. Or you feel insignificant as a person, and you are no longer receiving the validation and security that you used to feel from your spouse. So you stray.
This is a three part series. Next blog will explore in greater detail why do women and men cheat. Some reasons overlap and some are unique to the gender.
In marriage, there are three different reasons why people have affairs.
- When affairs begin, a person is falling in love with an imagined way of life, an imaginary person who they think will fill their needs.
- Affairs signify validation, and the need to be wanted or needed by another person.
- That “NEW” feeling. The beginning of something exciting, and also the need to be bad sometimes is very alluring. Usually the need to be in a situation that is considered taboo, and the thought of getting “caught” brings excitement to one’s life. But the feelings of others involved is not usually considered.
What can we do to prevent an affair from destroying our marriage?
- Appreciate your partner/spouse
- Be intimate – not just with sex. Share your innermost desires and thoughts with each other.
- Be empathetic – sometimes the most you can do is listen and provide an empathetic ear.
- Support each other’s friendships outside of the marriage – we need friendship.
- Grow together! Personal growth is necessary in all stages of life, support each other through your personal growth journey.
- NO subject is off limits – talk about everything, anything, all the time! Communication is Key!
- Be Active together! Find an activity that you both enjoy and want to do together regularly.
- Independence – this is important! Have a life outside of your marriage that features all the things that make you, YOU!
The most important thing to remember is that an affair usually means a deep longing for your own identity. A sense of self. You are not getting something that you used to from your spouse – validation. You can give yourself validation, so that your spouse no longer has to provide that for you, and you will also not have a longing to stray! Be good to yourselves and each other. Remember the person you were that your spouse fell in love with, and remember your spouse and the good times you had in the past. The memory of those good times can help to rekindle a flame that is dying out. The validation of knowing who you are and gaining the security you need can help you to fix anything that may be breaking up your marriage.
Couples counseling
Couples counseling can help prevent affairs before they start, but it can also help heal from an affair. Understanding the unique needs of each couple and creating marriage 2.0 is my strength. Contact me to find out how I can help create a relationship of your dreams!
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | May 31, 2019 | Blog, couples, divorce, mediation
Divorce is not easy for anyone, especially those with children. We establish a life around our families, and divorce forces us to redirect that life and create a new one. Collaborating on vacation ideas as divorced parents is tough.
The one constant factor in all of the chaos, of course, is the children. We need to be reminded constantly, that this kind of change can be detrimental to the children. Families can still be considered combined units, given the correct amicable terms. We can still communicate effectively and co-parent in ways that make the sting of divorce a little less unbearable.
The two things that families struggle with are holidays and vacations. Summer vacation is a prolonged amount of time where the children are not in school and therefore, the adults must work together in a compassionate and understanding manner to co-parent and work around each other’s schedules.
Below are some tips and ideas that may help the process along:
- Plan ahead – nothing makes things easier than a plan. Planning ahead and making sure that the plan works for both parents and children is best. Use tools such as Google Calendar to collaborate effectively.
- Let older children and teens help in the planning process. Make sure that this is done in a transparent way with everyone involved so that your family will still hold on to that united front, and feel combined.
- Communicate effectively – this ensures that everyone is heard, understood, and the plan will be able to proceed.
- Celebrate each other’s efforts in the planning process.
- Avoid the phrase “My Time” when referring to your parenting period with the children.
- Use the summer to maximize spending time with your child. At the times that you do have your children, try one of the items below:
- Beach Day
- Library Day
- Picnics
- Ice Cream Day
- Visit the Zoo
- Go to the park and fly kites!
- Playdays in the yard followed by a hot dog bbq
- Water Balloon Fights!
- Gardening Days
- Movie Nights
- Be Sensitive to important events such as birthdays, fathers day, etc.
- Welcome your children’s friends over at all times. The extra company over the summer may act as a buffer and help your child transition better to their new way of life.
- Make plans for your own relaxing “me-time” when your child is visiting with the other parent. This may be fun and something you look forward to.
- Let the “VEGGING” period begin. Let your child sleep in, watch tv all day, and veg out if needed.
- Relax and just spend time with your children. Concentrate on what’s most important to you, and make beautiful memories!
In conclusion, your family doesn’t have to be split up, the dynamic is only changing, but you are still very much a family, and your ex-spouse is still very much a part of your life as well as your children’s lives. Make the transition and shift easier for everyone by not holding on to bitter feelings, and try your best to be amicable at all times. The results will be a successful co-parented, united family, with happy children, and parents who are very good friends.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Oct 4, 2018 | Blog
Mediation is very useful to resolve family disputes, facilitate divorce, and help with co-parenting among other things. As a mediator I connect my clients with professionals that can assist with understanding tax implications, appraisals, and legal forms. This is done to help all parties come up with an agreement they can live with instead of living with an agreement the law says they should accept. One of the most important elements of mediation is closure. Besides figuring out distribution of tangible and intangible property, my clients comment on how closure helps them move on and let go of emotional attachments they have towards possessions.
#mediation #couples #family #therapy
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Aug 20, 2018 | Blog
SOMETIMES TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE THERAPY ISN’T THE ANSWER
For many couples, the idea of weekly marriage therapy feels too intense. Oftentimes, both spouses are secretly looking for a judge who will tell them who is right. The effectiveness of any couples therapy is dependent upon each spouse’s willingness to focus on themselves and admit they need to modify or alter their behavior or belief system. Doing this in the presence of their partner can trigger feelings of shame and guilt. They might not know what they are experiencing but facing an ugly truth and agreeing in front of a stranger that they need to change is daunting.
To address this fear and help high conflict couples who are triggered by one another, I suggest to keep ‘relationship’ as my client but see each partner individually for a period of time. By helping de-position each spouse and address individual issues they can come back together ready to accept each other’s influence.
Common Issues that require individual couples work:
- Affair Recovery
- Chronic conflict
- Substance Abuse
- Intimacy Issues
- Career Problems
- Life transitions
- Extended Families
- Mood Disorders – anxiety, depression, anger
Confidentiality is discussed and steps are taken to make sure that “secrets” emerging from individual sessions do not obstruct the relationship. I abide by the Open Secrets Policy and help each party understand that in due time important elements need to be shared but not everything. I find that this approach creates safety and structure that nurtures openness and transparency. Since the goal is to help the couple, I help the individual work through each situation in a judgement free way to be available to hear their partner and re-engage in the marriage.
I use the Gottman Model in working with couples. I initially meet with the couple to gather history, assess goals, and identify any areas of current difficulty. I then invite both parties to individually complete the online Gottman couples assessment*. Upon completion I meet with each partner individually to gather personal history and assess individual struggles. Finally, we come together to review their strengths and weaknesses.
At times I refer out for individual work. If one is struggling with their career and that stress is brought home then maybe working with an executive coach is important. Substance use/abuse can get in the way of connecting and therefore a referral to AA or drug counselor is important.
I am a pro-marriage therapist and believe all options need to be exhausted prior to calling an end to a marriage. Sometimes that means being creative or unconventional. In the end if both individuals are fulfilled and committed to one another then the hard work was worth it. Shame and individual struggles shouldn’t get in the way of keeping your relationship in tact. Feel free to contact me for couples work at 818.851.1293
*The Gottman Couples Assessment accurately evaluates relationship trouble spots as well as strengths, and provides personalized tools to create effective interventions. This assessment is geared towards all stages of relationships, whether new relationship, premarital, or marital. The Gottman Couples Assessment is 480 questions in 5 unique sections.
