Are You in a Loveless Marriage and What to do About it

by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Oct 27, 2016 | Uncategorized

Love is something that is supposed to grow with time if you foster and care for it in the right way. Even though passion can easily fade, it is supposed to be love that becomes stronger with time. If you are in a marriage that leaves you feeling miserable, you may be one of many feeling trapped in a Loveless Marriage. A loveless marriage is one that is only a matter of convenience and is not one that is filled with admiration, care and love. Staying in a loveless marriage is not the right choice, you need to identify what a loveless marriage looks like and implement ways to change it.

Here are the tips to follow when you determine that you are in a Loveless Marriage:

Divorce is Not the Automatic Solution

Many people assume that when they are trapped in a loveless marriage that the only real answer is to get a divorce. However, it is important to note that a divorce is not an easy fix. This is not something that will magically make you happy again. You need to view divorce as a last resort and the option that you choose when all else fails. This means that divorce should not be the only thing that is on your mind when you are dealing with a loveless marriage.

Make an Effort

The most important thing that you can do when you know that you are dealing with a loveless marriage is to make a real effort. This means that you need to try and bring back feelings that enticed you to choose your spouse to begin with. Those feelings might be buried deep down. This means that you should be able to rekindle the love that was once there. Schedule date nights, add humor to everyday chores, and complement each other. Reevaluate after a month and see if your feelings are improving.

Look Within

You also need to make sure that you do not make the mistake of blaming your loss of love on your partner only. You need to take your fair share of the responsibility. This is the only way that you will be able to have a marriage that is filled with long lasting love. There are most likely things that you are doing that have contributed over time to the lack of love. You need to be willing to find out what these things are and make real changes. Consider how critical or judgmental you are when your partner makes a mistake. Do you accept his/her influence and attempts at repair after an argument?

Should you work that hard on your relationship?

by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jul 31, 2015 | Blog

[heading animation=”” color=”” type=”1″ align=”left”]Work smart not hard on your relationship[/heading]

Very often during pre-marital counseling couples will ask me, individually, “Should we be working this hard?”. Maybe a better question “is the effort worth the reward?”. It’s hard to stay motivated if your efforts are not paying of. Weigh the pros and cons and decide of it is worth while investing time into your relationship. Ideally there should be a balance just like with anything else – work hard and play hard. Pick a partner with whom you like yourself and who challenges you but in a respectful kind way. Identify problems that you seem gridlocked in and think about how it would be to live with them permanently. They might get resolved but don’t commit to a relationship thinking you will change your partner.

Assuming you agreed to work on your relationship here are smart daily exercises to get you started:

Continue to learn about your partner by engaging in deeper open ended questions.
Openly share your admiration of your loved one in the form of compliments or vulnerable observations.
Attune to your significant others need for attention and give generously
When your partners intentions are unclear assume they are positive.