by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Nov 1, 2018 | Blog
- Create self awareness – aren’t you curious about how people perceive you
- No Judgment – feel free to express yourself without censorship and discover hidden issues
- Unbiased advice
- Learn self regulation and new ways of thinking
- Yoga for your mind
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Feb 16, 2017 | Blog, couples, Uncategorized
How To Rekindle The Flame In Your Relationship
When couples get used to each other, relationships tend to be boring and tiring. Spouses go through so many challenges and at times romance is placed on the back burner. Staying close to each and having a happy marriage depends on the willingness of both partners. Rather than feeling confined to the typical habits and mainstream practices, you can seek ways to keep the relationship alive through new experiences, romantic gestures, and couples counseling.
Here are few ways to keep things fresh and alive in a relationship
Communicate
A fulfilling marriage and relationship requires a couple to communicate effectively to avoid misunderstandings. For a long term relationship to be successful, you must learn to listen to your spouse attune to what he/she is thinking and feeling. Make your spouse feel comfortable talking to you and respect their opinions. In a relationship, you will not always agree but make sure you do not lower your spouse’s esteem by dismissing their opinions or judging them.
Spend time together
Nothing feels better then having fun together as a couple. Going on a date will help you discuss things in a more emotional way and equally show how much you care. Spontaneously hit the road without a destination mind. Create time for each other away from the kids to enable you to connect without distractions. Throw a surprise party for your significant other once in a while to make them feel special. Find time to just be playful and carefree to connect in a more passionate way.
Appreciate each other
Make your spouse feel appreciated, tell her how beautiful she is and remind them that you still love about them. Buying gifts to thank your spouse for being the best will make the relationship feel fresh and alive. Pay attention to what your spouse likes and dislikes and use this knowledge to show him how much you care. Appreciating your spouse for being successful is a special way of motivating them to work harder.
Seek counseling
Marriage counseling will empower you both with better skills to understand each other and therefore build a stronger relationship. Attending marriage therapy will help you manage anger during arguments. Couples counseling also helps you understand each others differences to avoid numerous fight. Through therapy you will both learn each others love language, gain tools to communicate better, and resolve gridlock conflict.
Connect physically
It is essential to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse. Flirt with your loved one so that they know you are still interested in them. Consider starting foreplay in the morning and continue throughout the day. A healthy sexual life will lead to a strong bond in other areas. Respecting the desires of your partner and being romantic will keep you together. Be open to trying new things.
Rekindling the flame is not that hard, it just takes desire, effort, and time.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Feb 8, 2017 | Blog, Uncategorized
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People often fall helplessly in love with the perfect aspects of people’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anyone can love the best parts of another individual. The question is: Can you accept their flaws? Can you honestly say, ‘I could work around that’ about your partner and kids?
Part of the main challenges of marriage is the continuous need to remind ourselves about the reason we married our spouse, to refocus ourselves on all the qualities that drew us to them, and tell ourselves that we’ll fine tune, but we can’t change their basic character.
How to accept the flaws of your spouse and kids
If you’re loud and lively and you were attracted to your spouse for his/her sense of calm, you cannot complain that they don’t like going out more often. Instead, we must concentrate on the positive effect that his/her peaceful nature has on your wilder one.
It’s in such areas of diversity that there’s usually the most attraction, and the most struggles, with opportunity for growth.
Another tricky aspect is seeing the good part that’s “always” there. The irritations. The pet peeves and habits and major and minor troubles that make you go crazy. Accepting your spouse’s flaw is easier when you’re aware of your bad habits, quirks, and weaknesses. One way to accept your spouses’ flaws is to take into account their positive side and what you appreciate about them. Another way to accept your spouses’ and kids flaws is to be conscious of and also accept your own.
How can you become aware of yourself and your environment?
Self-awareness involves noting your actions and thoughts. One way to note them is by putting them down in a journal daily.
If you continue putting it off and letting a week pass by without making the notes, you might not remember everything important.
Keeping notes will help you to see the values and patterns you have been hiding all along. Once you identify patterns, you gain the power to change them if they are not self serving.
If you’re self-aware, you’ll learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others around you. You will also understand your environment and how you impact others better. This will help you to focus more on their good aspects rather than their flaws.
An individual’s belief in their power to succeed is set by how they behave, think, and feel. Somebody with a firm self-efficacy, for instance, views tasks as mere challenges that have to be overcome, and aren’t easily disheartened by setbacks.
Such people are aware of all their abilities and flaws and choose to use these qualities properly.
A person with a fragile sense of self-efficacy avoids challenges and easily feels dispirited by setbacks. They might not be conscious of their negative reactions, and so do not change their attitude.
Accepting your spouse’s flaws can start by appreciating their virtues and working on your own self awareness.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Nov 17, 2016 | Blog, couples
When we are in a relationship with our spouse or significant other, we often fall into the trap of believing that it is supposed to be hard. After all, anything worth having is worth working for, right? Couples who have begun to struggle start to think that relationships are meant to be hard, until they realize that there are a number of simple solutions available.
Marriage counseling is always a great way to mend any fences that have been damaged in a relationship. Relationships can seem difficult when we are the ones who are forced to deal with the ups and downs on an everyday basis, since it can become hard to see the bigger picture. Being immersed in the smaller details of a relationship has a way of doing that to us.
By being willing to head to counseling and engage in therapy, we can learn more about our relationship from an outsider’s perspective. A marriage or relationship counselor is not there to take sides or assign blame to one party or another. Their job is to listen to what both sides have to say and provide them with the tools that they need to make their future disagreements more productive.
Having a relationship that is 100 percent free of arguments is essentially impossible and there is no real way to do so. Arguments are how couples grow together and learn more about one another, as opposed to couples who avoid them completely, allowing themselves to slowly grow apart over the course of their relationship.
Therapy teaches us how to have these arguments in a way that helps us to better understand each other and it also teaches us how to walk a mile in the other person’s shoes. We often lack a certain amount of empathy in our relationships and when we engage in therapeutic exercises, it gives us the chance to take a look at things through our partner’s point of view.
Relationships do not have to be hard, but that does not mean that either member of a couple should expect their relationship to run smoothly without putting in any sort of effort. Couples who wish to make their efforts count should rely on the assistance of an experienced therapist, so that they can sort through all of their assorted feelings and emotions without endangering the connection that they’ve built.
If you find that you and your significant other or spouse is struggling to communicate, you’ll want to make changes immediately. Don’t make the mistake of believing that you can work through every problem without assistance. We all need help sometimes and with couples therapy, the issues that you are currently going through can become a thing of the past.
https://marinaedelman.com/couples-counseling/
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Nov 3, 2016 | Blog, Uncategorized
For many of us, feelings of being overwhelmed are all too common and when we allow our to do list to grow too long, we can become confused or even bewildered. Fortunately, there are a variety of ways to reduce these feelings and make them a thing of the past. Read on to learn more about the following helpful tips that will allow you to properly prioritize.
Create a List
Creating a to do list is an important first step that gives you the chance to prioritize before you’ve even had a chance to become overwhelmed. By listing your tasks in a manner that indicates which ones are most crucial, you can tackle your biggest issues first and avoid the issues that come with procrastination. Procrastination is often borne out of indecision and creating a to do list also gives us a great sense of accomplishment as we cross each off each individual item.
Multitasking Is a No No
While multitasking gives us a sense that we are accomplishing more, this is an illusion, an illusion that causes us to lose sight of the tasks that are most pivotal. When we attempt to multitask, we lose focus on the task at hand and our efforts become subpar as a result. In some instances, we are then forced to go back and re-do an item on our to do list, as opposed to being able to cross it off for good.
Play To Your Strengths
If there are certain tasks that you know you are more equipped to handle, these should be taken care of immediately, so you can start the ball rolling in a positive direction. This also keeps you from making the mistake of saving the simplest tasks for last. Tackling the tougher tasks once the easier ones have been completed gives us more time to take care of them, without having to feel overwhelmed.
Delegate When Possible
There is nothing wrong with asking for help and when we refuse to do so, we are placing our own backs against the wall in a needless manner. Regardless of what you are attempting to accomplish, there is nothing wrong with asking for assistance when needed. Prioritizing is not just about creating a to do list and checking off each item, it is about completing each task in the best possible way, without focusing on who gets the credit.
Give Yourself Breathing Room
When you have a variety of different tasks to accomplish, don’t make a plan for every single of the day. Be sure to give yourself plenty of breathing room in case things go wrong. There are always going to be factors that are beyond your control and by giving yourself breathing room, you can avoid feelings of being overwhelmed when they do.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Mar 21, 2016 | Blog, Uncategorized
Accountability partner is exactly what it sounds like. Recent article outlining what self made millionaires have in common, identified accountability partners as one of the the things they all shared (to read more https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/man-spent-5-years-studying-163000058.html). Engaging a neutral party to help you accomplish goals and keep you motivated is void of shame, disappointment and resentment. Key to success is being surrounded by people who hold you accountable and strategies with you to overcome obstacles.
Let me introduce you to your opponent. Not sure you have one, well then listen to the voice in your head that tells you to procrastinate, avoid working out and not to call your mother. They don’t call it a game of life for nothing. We are born with an opponent whose job it is to make us stronger and better but just like with any competition there will be trash talk and sabotage. Think of every day as a new game and from the morning decide who will win you or the opponent. Need extra help? Well that is where the accountability partner comes in. Although that person is great for getting started, but (s)he really comes in handy when your opponent tries to derail you from whatever you’re working on. You probably won’t see it coming, and that’s the moment when accountability truly becomes invaluable.
Top 5 qualities to look for in choosing someone to join you on your success journey:
- They must be reliable, available, and responsive.
- Honest and direct feedback is crucial.
- They can put aside their agenda and not be judgmental.
- Patience is key here.
- They must attune to your needs and remember what you want them to hold you accountable for.
Our work together will first begin by defining accountability to make sure your needs are met. We will then define your ultimate goal and set benchmarks. At specific intervals we will review accomplishments and missteps. By attuning to your decision making process as well as motivation I will be able to tease out your strengths and weaknesses. The new found awareness will empower you to achieve your desired results.