by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jan 25, 2018 | anxiety, Blog, focus, holiday
Guest blogger and associate Maxcy Dancy shares tips on how to keep your New Years Resolution.
How many New Year’s resolutions have you made over the years and how many have you actually accomplished? Are you like so many of us who start the year off being super optimistic about our New Year’s resolution, whether it’s to conquer a fear, get in shape, eat healthy, be more productive, quit smoking, etc., only to find ourselves back at square one within weeks after the New Year? If so, then what you need are a few simple techniques that will enable you to create lasting change and fulfill the goals that you have set for yourself.
First: Don’t set vague goals like “I’m going to be healthier.” Instead, be specific. Set behavioral goals based on measurable outcomes. So, in terms of wanting to be healthier, your specific behavioral goal might be: Lowering cholesterol by five points. Eating five servings of fruits and veggies each day. Losing 20 pounds. Running 5k in 30 minutes. You get the idea. Decide what your goal is in measurable, specific terms and then write it down.
Second: Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Instead of deciding to change twenty things, pick one thing to change that is a top priority for you because it is much easier to accomplish something when you only have one thing to focus on. Many people make the mistake of trying to do too many things at once and instead of accomplishing them all, they just end up overwhelmed and giving up. So pick one thing to be focused on, one thing you have a burning desire to achieve.
Third: Success creates success. We are more motivated to persevere while tackling difficult challenges when we have first succeeded at smaller, easier to accomplish challenges. Consequently, it is best to start with mini-goals. When you succeed at them, this will inspire you and enable you to go the distance when you are dealing with your main goal and the going gets tough. So take your main goal and break it down to bite size, mini-goals that start out easy and become more challenging.
Fourth: Set a realistic deadline for accomplishing your goal. Having a deadline tends to keep people moving forward at a solid pace rather than slowly plodding along. A deadline encourages consistency, strengthens motivation and creates a sense of urgency. Additionally, when the task is difficult, requiring a lot of time and energy, people can remind themselves that there is a deadline and that the struggle is not going to last forever. Knowing that an end is in sight tends to increase motivation and decrease discouragement.
Fifth: Keep the feeling of accomplishing your goal in mind. A way to stay positive should discouragement set in is to imagine how wonderful it will feel when you accomplish your goal. Similarly, if you start to procrastinate, telling yourself you don’t need to do it today, you can start again tomorrow, by focusing on how exciting it will be when you have succeeded, can get you back on track, full steam ahead!
Sixth: When you set goals, be very clear as to how much they matter to you and the overall positive impact your goal is going to have. Think about how they’re going to change every aspect of your life in a positive way: your self-esteem, your relationships, your work, your health and vitality, including the impact the changes you make will have on your family, your friends, your community, and your world! Visualize yourself living your life with your goal accomplished and what your life will be like. Research also shows that visualization helps us reach our goals as well as motivates us.
By staying very aware on a daily basis of what you want and why you want it, you increase your odds of keeping your New Year’s resolutions and effecting permanent, positive change in your life! If you need additional help, working with a coach or a therapist can be useful to create the changes you want to see in your life.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 6, 2016 | anxiety, Blog
Managing Stress Over The Holidays
The holidays provide us with a valuable opportunity to spend time with friends and family, but they can also provide us with a great deal of anxiety and stress. Fortunately, there are a few ways to reduce the level of strain that we place on our mind states during the holidays, so be sure to read on and learn more.
Ditch The Perfectionism
There is a pervasive sense that the holidays have to unfold perfectly or else they are a failure. However, even the best laid plans tend to go awry and by allowing yourself to let go of the idea that things can be “perfect”, you are able to embrace all of the best aspects of the season, as opposed to worrying yourself sick trying to live up to some ideal that doesn’t even exist.
Don’t become excessively focused on the result. Train your focus on the process and enjoy every minute of it. Even if things do not go the exact way that you expect, you can still derive maximum happiness from your holiday season. After all, the destination is never as important as the journey that you will take to get there.
Be Grateful
The holidays only come once a year and the ability to regularly spend time with our loved ones is something that we tend to lose out on as we grow older. That is why we need to be truly grateful during this time of year, especially when we find ourselves becoming stressed out and anxious. Stress and anxiety only serves to keep us from the true meaning of the season.
Taking the holidays for granted is how stress ends up being magnified. When you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, stop and take a moment to think about your true objectives. Chances are, they have very little to do with buying the nicest gifts or preparing the fanciest meal.
Make a Budget and Stick To It
When it comes time for your holiday shopping, it is in your best interests to make a budget and stick to it, so that you are not spending money that you do not have and causing additional stress and anxiety. Making a list of each person that you have to purchase a gift for is a great way to keep spending to a minimum.
Truly savvy shoppers who wish to avoid stress will even start their shopping early. There are a plethora of after holiday sales that can get you started for the next year and by keeping your eyes peeled throughout the year, you can significantly reduce the amount of work that you will need to do once December rolls around. As an added bonus, you can also reduce those unsightly credit card bills that arrive in your mailbox come January.
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by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Nov 30, 2015 | anxiety, Blog
“You are suggesting mediocracy!?” bellows my client with an anxiety disorder. We are taught to do our best in school; our coaches suggest for us to try our hardest; and society suggests striving for perfect looks. So when I introduce the concept of “good enough”, whether in parenting, career, or relationships, my clients usually balk at the notion.
Their reluctance to pull back is understandable, striving for perfectionism has been rewarded in the past. Worry and stress has resulted in success before, so why should they settle for second best. Anxiety is usually defined as a feeling of excessive worry, nervousness, or apprehension, usually associated with an upcoming event or something with an uncertain outcome. It makes an overachiever try their hardest to achieve the best result. There is nothing wrong with trying your best until, that is, your nervous system sends you signals to stop.
If you were an athlete training for a marathon you would push yourself beyond your comfort zone but also listen to your body for signs of overexertion. Your body will let you know when to modify your training in forms of achs or pain. Your mind does the same but with more subtlety. For instance, you will wake up in the middle of the night with your mind racing about things to do. Or, you will ruminate about something you said or did. At times you will develop irrational fears. These symptoms and more are all your mind’s way of asking you to make changes.
Is there a trade of? Ofcourse! The benefits of perfectionism is that you throw the best parties, everything always gets done, people are never disappointed, etc. The benefit of adopting the “good enough” philosophy is that you can enjoy your life more, you will be present with loved ones, your body and mind will be at peace.
People with anxiety usually struggle with priorities or know when to stop. When they cross one task of the list they pile on two more – sound familiar? Here are tips to try now:
- Set a reasonable amount of time aside to work on a task. When the time expires stop working regardless if you feel you are done or not.
- Do a reality check by asking yourself “what’s the worst thing that can happen”.
- Own your inner critic. We usually are critical of others, by keeping that in check we become gentler with ourselves.
- Allow and expect surprise mistakes.
- Try new things that are not always efficient or effective like a new route to a familiar place.
Meditation, proper diet, and exercise will help symptoms of anxiety. Therapy is a very effective tool in helping with restructuring your thoughts, gaining awareness of your actions, and reducing feelings of worry and stress. For more information visit https://marinaedelman.com/anxiety/
