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Forgiveness vs. Revenge: Nurturing Healthy Relationships

Forgiveness vs. Revenge: Nurturing Healthy Relationships

 

Maintaining a healthy and happy relationship takes effort, commitment, and a willingness to work through the challenges that inevitably arise. However, even the strongest relationships can face difficulties that are difficult to overcome on their own. This is where couples counseling comes in. Couples counseling is a form of therapy that helps couples identify and work through their problems, improve their communication skills, and ultimately strengthen their relationship.
One of the primary benefits of couples counseling is that it provides a safe and supportive space for couples to work through their problems. In many cases, couples are dealing with issues such as communication breakdowns, trust issues, infidelity, financial problems, or disagreements about parenting styles. These issues can be incredibly difficult to work through on your own, and can often lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and despair. However, with the help of a trained therapist, couples can learn new communication skills, improve their conflict resolution abilities, and work through their issues in a way that is healthy and constructive.

Research has consistently shown that couples counseling can be incredibly effective in helping couples overcome their difficulties and improve their relationship. In fact, a meta-analysis of 75 studies published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that couples therapy was effective in helping 70% of couples improve their relationship. Additionally, the study found that couples who participated in therapy saw an average improvement of 10-20% in their relationship satisfaction scores.
One of the reasons that couples counseling is so effective is that it helps couples to identify and address the underlying issues that are causing their problems. Often, couples get stuck in a cycle of negative interactions, where they blame, criticize, or withdraw from each other in response to conflict. However, a skilled therapist can help couples to break this cycle by identifying the underlying emotions and needs that are driving their behavior. By learning to communicate their feelings and needs more effectively, couples can begin to build a stronger, more resilient relationship.

Couples counseling also provides a non-judgmental space for couples to explore their feelings and concerns. Often, couples feel as though they can’t talk to their partner about certain issues because they don’t want to hurt their feelings or cause conflict. However, in therapy, couples can explore these issues in a safe and supportive environment, without fear of judgment or backlash. This can help to create a sense of openness and trust in the relationship, which can lead to greater intimacy and connection.

Couples counseling can be incredibly effective in helping couples save their relationship. Whether you’re dealing with communication issues, trust issues, infidelity, or other challenges, working with a skilled therapist can help you to identify the underlying issues and develop the skills you need to work through them. By improving your communication, conflict resolution, and emotional connection, you can build a stronger, more resilient relationship that will stand the test of time.

If you are your partner are needing some extra support, I am currently accepting new clients both online and in-person. You may call me at the number below or book directly on my website!

marinaedelman.com 818.851.1293

Does Being a Parent Make You Happier? Exploring the Relationship between Parenting and Happiness

Does Being a Parent Make You Happier? Exploring the Relationship between Parenting and Happiness

The question of whether being a parent leads to greater happiness has intrigued researchers and individuals alike. The answer, it seems, is not straightforward and varies depending on different stages of parenting and personal desires. In this blog post, we will delve into the research findings to shed light on the complex relationship between parenting and happiness.

The Role of Parental Intentions
A meta-analysis conducted by Sonya Lyubomirsky, which examined multiple studies on parenting and happiness, concluded that parents who intentionally chose to become parents tend to experience slightly higher levels of happiness compared to non-parents. This suggests that the desire to become a parent plays a significant role in one’s overall happiness.

Happiness Levels and Childbirth
Research has shown that happiness levels change as individuals transition into parenthood. Initially, the birth of a first child can lead to a boost in happiness. However, subsequent children tend to result in declining happiness levels. The responsibilities and challenges that come with raising multiple children can contribute to this decline. Nonetheless, it is important to note that individual experiences may vary.

Finding Joy in Larger Families
While happiness may decline with each subsequent child for some parents, there is evidence to suggest that individuals with larger families experience more joy during mid-life. As parents reach a certain stage in their lives, having a bigger family can bring a sense of fulfillment, companionship, and increased support networks, leading to greater overall happiness.

The Importance of Supportive Relationships
Parenthood can be both rewarding and demanding, and having a strong support system plays a vital role in parental happiness. Friendships that provide practical help, emotional support, and opportunities for confiding and sharing experiences can significantly contribute to a parent’s overall well-being. Building and nurturing these supportive relationships is crucial for parental happiness.

The relationship between parenting and happiness is nuanced and depends on various factors. While intentional parenthood and the birth of a first child may initially bring a sense of joy and fulfillment, subsequent children can lead to declining happiness levels for some individuals. However, those with larger families may find increased happiness during mid-life.

Importantly, the presence of supportive relationships and a strong support system can greatly impact a parent’s overall well-being and happiness. Ultimately, the decision to become a parent and the subsequent experiences are unique to each individual. It is essential to consider personal desires, circumstances, and the availability of supportive networks when reflecting on the connection between parenting and happiness. Are you struggling as a parent? We are here to help.

If you and your partner are looking for additional support in your relationship my associates and I are accepting new clients. Please feel free to call 818.851.1293 to learn more.

The Unlimited Benefits of Being Kind, Showing Compassion and Generosity!

The Unlimited Benefits of Being Kind, Showing Compassion and Generosity!

Prosocial behavior, characterized by acts of kindness, compassion, and generosity towards others, holds immense potential to create positive change in both individuals and communities. In this blog post, we will delve into the fascinating research that showcases the numerous benefits of engaging in prosocial behavior. From enhancing personal well-being to fostering social connections, these studies provide compelling evidence for the transformative power of kindness.

Improved Mental Health
Research consistently demonstrates the positive impact of prosocial behavior on mental health. Engaging in acts of kindness has been linked to increased life satisfaction, overall happiness, and a reduced risk of depression and anxiety. When we extend kindness to others, it activates brain regions associated with pleasure and reward, leading to a sense of fulfillment and contentment.

Enhanced Social Connection
Prosocial behavior plays a crucial role in building and strengthening social connections. Acts of kindness facilitate trust, cooperation, and reciprocity, fostering a sense of belonging and inclusion within communities. Research shows that individuals who engage in more prosocial behavior tend to have larger social networks, experience greater social support, and report higher levels of social connectedness.

Increased Physical Well-being
The benefits of prosocial behavior extend beyond mental health to physical well-being. Studies have found that individuals who regularly engage in acts of kindness and volunteer work experience lower levels of inflammation, reduced cardiovascular risk, and improved overall health. These positive physiological effects can be attributed to the reduction in stress and the boost in positive emotions associated with prosocial behavior.

Longevity and Well-being in Older Adults
Research suggests that engaging in prosocial behavior can have profound effects on the well-being and longevity of older adults. Older individuals who volunteer or engage in acts of kindness tend to experience better physical health, improved cognitive function, and a higher quality of life. Prosocial behavior provides a sense of purpose, social engagement, and a meaningful connection to others, which contributes to healthy aging.

Positive Impact on Workplace Culture
Prosocial behavior is not limited to personal relationships but can also transform workplace environments. Studies have found that when employees engage in acts of kindness and support their colleagues, it fosters a positive work culture, increased job satisfaction, and improved productivity. Acts of kindness can also create a ripple effect, inspiring others to engage in similar behaviors and creating a positive feedback loop.

Promotion of Prosocial Values in Children
Instilling prosocial values in children is vital for the development of compassionate and empathetic individuals. Research suggests that children who are exposed to prosocial behavior and are encouraged to engage in acts of kindness exhibit higher levels of empathy, emotional intelligence, and pro-social behaviors themselves. Cultivating kindness from an early age has long-lasting effects on children’s well-being and their ability to positively impact society.

Be kind!
The research is clear: engaging in prosocial behavior has a profound impact on our well-being, social connections, and overall happiness. By embracing kindness, compassion, and generosity, we not only improve our own lives but also create a ripple effect of positivity and inspire others to do the same. The evidence underscores the significance of pro-social behaviors in fostering healthier individuals, stronger communities, and a more compassionate world. Let us harness the power of prosocial behavior and contribute to a brighter future for ourselves and those around us.

If you and your partner are looking for additional support in your relationship my associates and I are accepting new clients. Please feel free to call 818.851.1293 to learn more.

What to Expect When You Go to Couples Therapy…

What to Expect When You Go to Couples Therapy…

A couple may feel that if they have love, then they should be able to work through anything that comes their way, without professional help. Yet love can be threatened in a relationship by feelings of not being heard or supported, lack of connectedness, difficulty working through challenges/disagreements effectively, and infidelity and betrayal, among other things. This can breed frustration and resentment between partners and give rise to criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling; the Four Horsemen of the apocalypse of the relationship — according to John Gottman, a noted researcher / theorist of relationships. If you experience these, they have probably caused a rift in your relationship. Couples therapists help partners recognize these aspects in their relationship and learn tools to replace them.

Below is a list of some of the things you might experience in couples therapy, with a therapist who has empathy for and is supportive of both partners:

  • Conversation about your goals for therapy
  • Formal/Informal assessment to pinpoint areas for focus in sessions
  • Joint and individual sessions
  • Discussion of the history of your relationship, and possibly previous relationships
  • Discussion of your lived experience and how it relates to your current issues
  • Exploration of your conflict pattern
  • Discussion about areas of gridlock, such as finances, becoming parents, parenting, family, in-laws, work/life balance, etc.
  • Discussion about your attachment style and what it means for your relationship
  • Exploration of infidelity and betrayal, the effects of it for both of you, what you both can do to support each other and rebuild connection and your relationship, identify risk factors
  • Learning ways to communicate effectively and coping strategies, practicing them in sessions, and between sessions
  • Finding ways to reconnect and reignite the bond, trust, and connection in your relationship
  • Learning more about your partner, increasing understanding and empathy for them
  • Revisiting areas of concern and support for growth, as you practice the new skills you have learned, with your therapist

Couples in healthy relationships still experience conflict, but it is how they communicate, the strength of their bond, and the positive sentiment they hold for each other that helps them get through it successfully and without resentment. John Gottman discovered that in healthy relationships, for every ONE negative interaction, there are at least FIVE positive interactions – the 5:1 ratio.

Couples therapy is not just for partners in trouble, some couples seek out therapy for a relationship tune-up or for premarital counseling.

If you are thinking about couples therapy, you can schedule a complimentary 20 minute virtual or phone conversation with Suzanne here.

Blog post written by Suzanne Perry, MS 7/31/23. Click here to read more about Suzanne and her theraputic style.

How to Maintain Friendships in a Time of Social Distancing

How to Maintain Friendships in a Time of Social Distancing

Whether your strongest friendships are local or long distance, the Covid-19 pandemic is changing how we connect with our friends. Sure, there are endless Zoom happy hours and socially distant porch hellos, but is that enough to maintain our friendships thriving long past the pandemic? 

While apps like Facebook and What’s App are seeing more than 40% growth in use of their social platforms, it may not feel like your friendships are as fulfilling as usual. But there are ways to stay connected and keep your friendships thriving during social distancing. Here are just a few suggestions on how to maintain friendships while you’re apart.

Make a Point to Reach Out to Maintain Friendships

If you feel like you haven’t connected with your friends lately, it may simply be that you haven’t had a chance to reach out. Between working from home and teaching the kids, your days may be even busier than they were before. 

Take a break from the craziness of the day and reach out to one or two friends. It can be a short text or an attempt at FaceTime while the kids are screaming in the background, but it’s a start. Just seeing your friend’s face on a screen or engaging with them via chat can help keep your connection alive.

Talk About Something Good 

When you do reach out, it’s hard not to focus on the news of the day. But try to connect with your friends in the way you always did, whether that’s chatting about the latest TV show you’re binging on Netflix or your success with that sourdough starter you’ve been trying for years. Talking to friends about good things going on in your life or shared interests can both increase your mood and strengthen your connection so you don’t feel so distant. 

Drop a Card in the Mail

Birthday parties, baby showers and anniversary celebrations may be on hold for now, but you can still show up for your friend during a time of celebration. Send a card or present in the mail to let your friend know you’re thinking of them. If you live close enough, you can even drop something off on their porch. Small gestures like that can go a long way toward making your friendships stronger in the long run. 

Take Care of Yourself 

One of the most important aspects of maintaining friendships is taking care of your own mental and physical health. When you’re healthy and happy, you’re more likely to want to reach out and engage with your friends. You’re also more likely to pick up the phone when someone calls and have a conversation. 

Social distancing can feel socially isolating, but it doesn’t have to. If you’re finding it hard to connect with people during this time and feeling depressed or anxious, don’t be afraid to reach out. You can contact us anytime to make an appointment to talk through your feelings and feel connected again. 

Assume Everyone Likes You Until You See Proof of the Contrary

Assume Everyone Likes You Until You See Proof of the Contrary

“Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.” – Rachel Hollis.

 

Perspective is an interesting concept – it is a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view. Everyone’s perspective is different. Everyone has shaped their own view of reality, and they perceive the ways that people treat them as good or bad. Even if the intention of the other person is not always to be good or bad. What if we suddenly changed our perspective of the way people treated us and just assumed that we were universally liked by everyone we meet? What would this do to our confidence, self-esteem, and general outlook on life? Would this perspective make us more social, more brave? More likely to do things that we normally wouldn’t? Would we be more willing to participate in more social occasions, therefore bringing more joy to our lives?

 

Confidence can do wonders for you! To build confidence, you need to change….your PERSPECTIVE. You need to assume that if someone is grumpy, or giving an attitude, that it has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with their own situation. The saying “Assume they like you, and they will” is true! If you go in to a group setting, with an air of confidence, and the attitude that you are well-liked, then you will be!

 

Being afraid of rejection before being rejected is like poison to your confidence and slowly kills your chances of showing your true self. How can you show your wonderful personality through all that unwanted anxiety? How will people see how tremendous you are through all that fear? When you appear sheepish, scared, and afraid, you also start to obsess over what you say, and how you say it. This is not at all fun for you or for the group of friends you are trying to have a good time with.

 

Humans in nature are social creatures, and we have a need to belong somewhere. We need friends, loved ones, and people that are important to us, who we are also important to. There is an ongoing confusion between people needing to belong, and the NEED to belong consuming you. Sure, don’t obsess over people liking you. But know that you do need people in your life that are important to you. It doesn’t have to be a large group of people, but the value of people is great in your life.

 

If you come across as fearful of people rejecting you, then you are kind of coming across as fearful of people, in general. Remember that you are liked – from the very first meeting! Remember that your first impression will be enough, your first impression is luminous, your first impression is sensational!

 

If you feel you need help with your first impressions – here are five tips to making a good first impression. Just to boost that confidence level.

 

  1. Assume they already like you and they probably will.
  2. Treat them! Meet over food or coffee, if possible.
  3. Always shake their hand. Firm grip!
  4. Be Positive About Yourself!
  5. Show interest and ask questions about them.