by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Feb 8, 2024 | couples, couples counseling, holiday, love, marriage
Valentine’s Day is often celebrated with grand gestures, romantic dinners, and extravagant gifts. However, amidst the flurry of roses and chocolates, it’s essential to remember that the true essence of this day lies in fostering love and connection, not just with a partner, but with ourselves and those around us. In this blog post, we’ll explore how mindfulness practices can enrich our Valentine’s Day experience, helping us cultivate deeper connections and spread love in meaningful ways.
Grounding in the Present Moment
Valentine’s Day can sometimes evoke feelings of longing or nostalgia, especially for those who are single or have experienced loss. Mindfulness teaches us to anchor ourselves in the present moment, appreciating the beauty and love that surrounds us right now. Take a few moments to pause, breathe deeply, and observe the sights, sounds, and sensations around you. Whether it’s the warmth of sunlight on your skin or the laughter of friends, grounding yourself in the present can foster a sense of gratitude and connection.
Loving-Kindness Meditation
A powerful mindfulness practice for cultivating love and connection is loving-kindness meditation, also known as Metta meditation. Begin by directing kind and loving thoughts towards yourself, then gradually extend these wishes to loved ones, acquaintances, and even those with whom you may have difficulties. On Valentine’s Day, set aside time for a loving-kindness meditation practice, allowing yourself to connect with the inherent goodness and humanity within yourself and others.
Meaningful Gestures of Appreciation
While extravagant gifts can be delightful, the most meaningful expressions of love often come from simple, heartfelt gestures. Practice mindfulness by infusing your actions with intention and presence. Write a heartfelt note expressing your gratitude and appreciation for someone special in your life. Prepare a meal with mindfulness, savoring each ingredient and infusing it with love. Small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness can deepen connections and foster a sense of shared joy and appreciation.
Deep Listening and Empathy
Mindful listening is a powerful tool for cultivating love and connection in relationships. Instead of rushing through conversations or formulating responses in your mind, practice deep listening—fully present and attentive to the words and emotions of your loved ones. Validate their feelings, offer empathy, and create a safe space for open communication. By listening mindfully, you strengthen your connections and deepen your understanding of one another.
Cultivating Self-Compassion
Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to celebrate all forms of love, including the love we have for ourselves. Unfortunately, self-criticism and doubt can often overshadow self-love. Practice mindfulness by cultivating self-compassion—acknowledging your own humanity, flaws, and imperfections with kindness and understanding. Treat yourself with the same warmth and compassion you would offer to a dear friend, recognizing that you are worthy of love and belonging just as you are.
By incorporating mindfulness practices into our celebrations, we can deepen our connections, foster compassion, and spread love in meaningful ways. Whether you’re spending the day with a partner, friends, or alone, may you embrace the present moment with open-heartedness and gratitude, cultivating love and connection in every interaction.
If you and your partner are needing some extra support, I am currently accepting new clients both online and in-person. You may call me at the number below or book directly on my website!
marinaedelman.com 818.851.1293
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Feb 3, 2023 | couples, couples counseling, holiday, love, marriage
Valentine’s Day is a special occasion celebrated by lovers all over the world. It is a day dedicated to expressing love, affection, and appreciation to your significant other. The holiday has its roots in ancient Rome, where a festival called Lupercalia was held to celebrate love and fertility. Today, Valentine’s Day is widely recognized as a day to celebrate love in all its forms, whether it be romantic love, familial love, or the love of friends.
Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to show your significant other how much you care. Here are some tips to help you make the most of the romantic holiday with your partner:
Plan ahead: The key to making the most of Valentine’s Day is to plan ahead. This will ensure that you have enough time to arrange for a special surprise or make reservations for a romantic dinner.
Do something special: Whether it’s cooking a special meal together or going on a romantic outing, make sure to do something that is unique and memorable. This could be anything from visiting a museum to taking a hot air balloon ride.
Spend quality time together: Take the time to really connect with your partner by having a meaningful conversation or doing an activity that you both enjoy. This could be anything from playing a game to taking a long walk together.
Be thoughtful: Show your partner how much you care by going the extra mile to make them feel special. This could be as simple as sending them a handwritten love letter or buying them a special gift.
Surprise your partner: Surprise your partner by doing something unexpected. This could be anything from cooking their favorite meal to planning a weekend getaway.
Show appreciation: Take the time to appreciate your partner and everything they do for you. Express your gratitude by giving them a hug, a kiss, or by simply saying “I love you.”
Be present: Put down your phone and other distractions and focus on your partner. Make an effort to be fully present and engaged in the moment.
Have fun: Above all, remember to have fun. Laugh, enjoy each other’s company, and make lasting memories together.
By following these tips, you can make the most of Valentine’s Day with your partner and show them just how much they mean to you.
*Reminder* Valentine’s Day should not be the only day of the year you are showing your partner love and appreciation. Remember to continue to work on your relationship the other 364 days of the year!
If you are your partner are needing some extra support, I am currently accepting new clients both online and in-person. You may call me at the number below or book directly on my website!
marinaedelman.com 818.851.1293
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 16, 2022 | Blog, family, generation, holiday
What is the generation gap? The generation gap is simply defined as a difference in values and attitudes between one generation and another. The generation gap helps explain why older and younger people or individuals from different generations have a hard time understanding each other. Individuals have many differences in experiences, opinions, habits, and behaviors from different generations that tend to stick with them long-term.
Family Generational Gaps and Fear
Generational gaps between family members can bring up conflicts that can sometimes be hard to navigate or just feel frustrating due to not understanding the other persons point of view. This could look like dealing with family members who are “stuck in their ways”, navigating the technology gap, family members being open to trying new things and others are not, lack of common interests, or overall just struggling understanding one another and why one person may behave the way that they do. We are also now living in an era of change which has produced a lot of fear among all generations.
In a post-pandemic, technology evolving, and consistently changing society, it is common for there to be underlying fears intertwining with the generational gap that impact interactions with family members, communication, and cause conflict between family members. Some of the fears can be surrounding, traveling, vaccines, technology advances, and more. All of these in which can impact family harmony if there is a disagreement, difference of opinion, or one family member is more fearful about something than the other family member. A recent study done at The Pew Research Center found that 79% of Americans see major differences between younger and older adults in the way they look at the world. It is no surprise that the gap brings a different world view between generations. So how do we navigate this?
Bridging the Gap
As there are many factors that play into the drivers of fear and the generational gap, listening to each family member and their own perspective on things (without judgement) can be helpful. It can be easy to judge other family members for doing things a specific way not normal to you or because of fear but listening without judgment provides space for compassion and can help you have a better understanding of where your family member is coming from. It can also be helpful to explain your intentions when introducing something new or different to a family member that may seem a bit scary to them. Explaining your intentions can feel less intimidating and leave the conversation open for questions and non-violent communication. Bridging the gap, especially with the underlying fear is not always easy, but starting from a place with compassion, openness, and curiosity can help make the conversations much easier.
Final words from Marina Edelman, LMFT
Navigating difficult conversations and differences in opinions can be challenging. It can be helpful to seek out a therapist who can help you build on your communication skills and learn how to navigate family conflicts. My associates and I have worked with many families to help them work navigate difficult and unique challenges. We are currently accepting new clients.
Marina Edelman | 818.851.1293 | marinaedelman.com | Westlake Village, CA
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Oct 26, 2022 | coronavirus, fall, family, holiday
The holiday season is here, which means spending time and catching up with our loved ones. For many, this is a time to talk about what is in the latest news or to discuss politics. It is more than common to have families who hold different opinions, beliefs, and values. For some, it can be draining to discuss politics and can often times feel like a debate. Whether you are in the mood to talk politics or do not want to talk about it at all, either way is okay. It is important to understand how to communicate in a healthy way to be able to set proper boundaries and engage in meaningful conversations with your family members.
Leaving Politics Out
I do not want to talk about politics on Thanksgiving… What do I do?
Set expectations
You know your family best. If you want to have peace of mind that politics will not be brought up during your family gathering, it is okay to set expectations. Whether you are hosting or not, letting family members know ahead of time that you would not like to discuss politics at the gathering is a great way to set boundaries and avoid any conversations that may spark up tension.
You do not have to engage
So, you set expectations, but Uncle Sam or Aunt Joanna started a political debate… What now? You do not have to engage. If it is important to you that you focus on spending time with family and not expending energy on political conversations, it is okay to not engage. Here are a few examples of what you can say:
“I appreciate you wanting to discuss this with me but right now is not a good time.”
“I respect your feelings and opinions, but I would like to focus my energy on a different topic of discussion.”
“Thank you for sharing your thoughts about (xyz)… Hey how was your recent trip to Hawaii?”
Talking Politics
I do not mind politics being brought up but some of my family members have different views… How do I navigate this?
Many individuals hold different opinions, thoughts, and values. Most likely, there is going to be at least one family member you do not completely agree with regarding politics. If you enjoy discussing politics or have to navigate different opinions, here are a few ways to have a healthy conversation:
Listen non-judgmentally: This can be a tricky one but despite having different opinions, it is respectful and insightful to actively listen to what the other person is saying and to not be judgmental. Everyone has their own experiences in life that lead them to their own beliefs and opinions. Listening with the intent to learn and question can guide the conversation.
Ask questions: This is a great time to learn more about the topic of discussion and your family member as well. Be engaging and ask questions. Learn about the other persons perspective and see what similarities and differences are there. More than likely, you may find some common ground on some topics.
Use humor: Humor is a great tool to ease up tense or tricky conversations (in the right situation). Crack a joke with common ground to ease and lighten up the conversation.
Take a breather: Step outside or politely excuse yourself if feelings or emotions start to feel intense. It is okay to step aside and reground yourself before heading back into the conversations.
Acknowledge different opinions: Trying to change each other’s minds on a topic can cause unwanted stress on both sides of the conversation. Simply acknowledging differences in opinion is okay. It is perfectly fine to “agree to disagree” and still love your family members.
Navigating COVID-19
Aside from politics, COVID-19 may be another topic that can be challenging to navigate in terms of family gathers and vaccination status. It is natural for us to want to be surrounded by people who are similar to us including interests, values, and even vaccination status.
Some of the same tips above still apply.
Set expectations: Let your family members know ahead of time what your expectations are regarding masks, safety precautions, and getting together with others who are vaccinated and/or are not vaccinated.
Avoid judgment: Everyone is navigating through the pandemic in a way that works for them. Despite whether or not your family members are vaccinated or are taking measures to avoid COVID-19 it is important to be respectful of others personal decisions.
Expand your options: If there are family members who are unable to attend or does not comfortable gathering in-person. Try a blended gathering of virtual and in-person. What matters most, is being able to spend quality time with your loved ones whether that is in-person or through zoom!
Just a reminder: Enjoy the moment!
Be present: Engaging in conversations, enjoying good food, and playing games with loved ones is what makes holidays fun. Be present and actively engage with your family. The time spent with them will be greatly
Be thankful: Expressing gratitude is what thanksgiving is all about. Take some time to remind yourself and others what you are thankful for!
Final words from Marina Edelman, LMFT
Navigating difficult conversations or topics can be a challenge. It can be helpful to seek out a therapist who can help you build on your communication skills and learn how to navigate family challenges. My associates and I have worked with many families to help them work through difficult unique challenges.
Marina Edelman | 818.851.1293 | marinaedelman.com | Westlake Village, CA
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jan 25, 2018 | anxiety, Blog, focus, holiday
Guest blogger and associate Maxcy Dancy shares tips on how to keep your New Years Resolution.
How many New Year’s resolutions have you made over the years and how many have you actually accomplished? Are you like so many of us who start the year off being super optimistic about our New Year’s resolution, whether it’s to conquer a fear, get in shape, eat healthy, be more productive, quit smoking, etc., only to find ourselves back at square one within weeks after the New Year? If so, then what you need are a few simple techniques that will enable you to create lasting change and fulfill the goals that you have set for yourself.
First: Don’t set vague goals like “I’m going to be healthier.” Instead, be specific. Set behavioral goals based on measurable outcomes. So, in terms of wanting to be healthier, your specific behavioral goal might be: Lowering cholesterol by five points. Eating five servings of fruits and veggies each day. Losing 20 pounds. Running 5k in 30 minutes. You get the idea. Decide what your goal is in measurable, specific terms and then write it down.
Second: Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Instead of deciding to change twenty things, pick one thing to change that is a top priority for you because it is much easier to accomplish something when you only have one thing to focus on. Many people make the mistake of trying to do too many things at once and instead of accomplishing them all, they just end up overwhelmed and giving up. So pick one thing to be focused on, one thing you have a burning desire to achieve.
Third: Success creates success. We are more motivated to persevere while tackling difficult challenges when we have first succeeded at smaller, easier to accomplish challenges. Consequently, it is best to start with mini-goals. When you succeed at them, this will inspire you and enable you to go the distance when you are dealing with your main goal and the going gets tough. So take your main goal and break it down to bite size, mini-goals that start out easy and become more challenging.
Fourth: Set a realistic deadline for accomplishing your goal. Having a deadline tends to keep people moving forward at a solid pace rather than slowly plodding along. A deadline encourages consistency, strengthens motivation and creates a sense of urgency. Additionally, when the task is difficult, requiring a lot of time and energy, people can remind themselves that there is a deadline and that the struggle is not going to last forever. Knowing that an end is in sight tends to increase motivation and decrease discouragement.
Fifth: Keep the feeling of accomplishing your goal in mind. A way to stay positive should discouragement set in is to imagine how wonderful it will feel when you accomplish your goal. Similarly, if you start to procrastinate, telling yourself you don’t need to do it today, you can start again tomorrow, by focusing on how exciting it will be when you have succeeded, can get you back on track, full steam ahead!
Sixth: When you set goals, be very clear as to how much they matter to you and the overall positive impact your goal is going to have. Think about how they’re going to change every aspect of your life in a positive way: your self-esteem, your relationships, your work, your health and vitality, including the impact the changes you make will have on your family, your friends, your community, and your world! Visualize yourself living your life with your goal accomplished and what your life will be like. Research also shows that visualization helps us reach our goals as well as motivates us.
By staying very aware on a daily basis of what you want and why you want it, you increase your odds of keeping your New Year’s resolutions and effecting permanent, positive change in your life! If you need additional help, working with a coach or a therapist can be useful to create the changes you want to see in your life.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jan 12, 2017 | Blog, holiday
[heading animation=”” color=”” type=”1″ align=”left”]Post Holiday Hangover[/heading]
Hangover can be defined as {a severe headache or other after effects caused by drinking an excess of alcohol or a thing that has survived from the past}
Let’s focus on the latter definition, a thing that has survived from the past…you have over indulged in shopping, consumed food in excess, participated in family, friends, and other social activities in abundance, and of course sampled many libations.
But now it’s the ‘morning after’ and:
- decorations need to be packed up
- pounds need to be shed
- debt needs to be repaid
- gifts need to be returned
- liver needs to be detoxed
- family relations need to be stabilized etc
So basically all of the negative carryovers from the holiday season without the joy and sparkle. It is normal to feel blue and sad when the jubilations come to an end. Having places to go and people to see makes every one of us feel loved and cared for. But when it’s over and normal life starts back up withdrawal symptoms can occur.
The cure can be found by going back to the basics of the Five Love Languages written by Gary D. Chapman.
I present to you a new spin on the five love languages and how you can give the love you need to yourself
- Touch – cuddle with your pet,
- Words of affirmation – meditate on what you value about you
- Gifts – buy yourself a gift that you didn’t get or give yourself a gift of time and spend one hour they way you want to
- Quality time – exercise, visit museums, hike with friends
- Acts of service – cook clean food, organize your closet, volunteer
Also consider how much time you spent perusing social media. Did you, like many others, compare yourself to your Facebook Friends? If you did your mood can significantly be negatively affected by the feeling of not measuring up or being excluded. Digital and social media addiction is real and extremely prevalent over the holidays. It makes you aware of the party you were not invited to or family vacations that your friends took which were soooo much nicer then your trip up North to visit Aunt Bertha. Start your year off by swearing of social media and watch your mood improve.
Another good antidote to the post holiday blues is to plan a party. Valentines Day is coming up soon, the Oscars give a good reason to get a group together, or even random Sunday for brunch. Give yourself something to look forward and help your creative energy find a new purpose.
Maybe your down mood is a sign that it is time to see a therapist to deal with your underlying depression. Therapy can be short term and solution focused. You will learn more about yourself and how you show up in the world. Discovering new coping skills will make life more pleasant and normal irritants will seem less bothersome.
It’s a new year … reinvent the new you!
https://marinaedelman.com
