by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Mar 31, 2023 | Blog, couples, couples counseling, love, marriage
Marriage is a beautiful and complex partnership that requires constant nurturing and care to maintain its strength and vitality. Just like any other aspect of life, relationships change and grow over time, and it’s essential to adapt to these changes to ensure the bond between you and your spouse remains strong. In this blog post, we’ll share some tips and tricks to help you and your partner navigate the journey to a stronger marriage.
Prioritize Communication
Effective communication is the foundation of a healthy and thriving marriage. Make it a habit to discuss your feelings, thoughts, and concerns openly and honestly with your partner. Remember to practice active listening, which means giving your partner your full attention and avoiding interruptions. Ask open-ended questions to encourage a deeper conversation and show that you genuinely care about their thoughts and feelings.
Make Time for Each Other
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to let the demands of work, family, and other commitments consume your time and energy. However, it’s essential to prioritize spending quality time with your spouse. Set aside regular “date nights” or other special moments to reconnect and enjoy each other’s company. This will not only help you maintain a strong emotional connection but also create lasting memories together.
Show Appreciation and Gratitude
Expressing gratitude and appreciation for your partner’s efforts and qualities can go a long way in strengthening your marriage. Take the time to acknowledge the little things they do, from taking care of household chores to making you laugh when you’re feeling down. A simple “thank you” or heartfelt compliment can have a significant impact on your partner’s happiness and sense of self-worth.
Cultivate Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy relationship. It involves understanding and managing your own emotions, as well as empathizing with your partner’s feelings. Develop your emotional intelligence by practicing self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy. This will enable you to respond to your partner’s needs more effectively and navigate conflicts with greater understanding and compassion.
Embrace Vulnerability
Being open and vulnerable with your spouse creates a deeper emotional connection and fosters trust in your relationship. Share your fears, dreams, and insecurities with your partner, and encourage them to do the same. By embracing vulnerability, you’ll create a safe space for both of you to grow and support each other through life’s challenges.
Keep the Romance Alive
As time passes, it’s easy for the initial excitement and passion of a relationship to wane. However, it’s important to keep the romance alive by regularly expressing love and affection. Surprise your spouse with small gestures, like leaving love notes, giving compliments, or planning special outings. These acts of love will help maintain the spark in your marriage and remind your partner how much they mean to you.
Practice Forgiveness and Let Go of Grudge
No marriage is without its ups and downs, and conflicts are an inevitable part of any relationship. Learning to forgive and let go of grudges is essential for the long-term health of your marriage. When conflicts arise, address them calmly and constructively, focusing on finding a solution rather than assigning blame. Remember that forgiveness is a choice and an ongoing process that requires patience and understanding.
Invest in Personal Growth
A strong marriage requires two individuals who are committed to their own personal growth and self-improvement. By investing in yourself, you’ll not only become a better partner but also inspire your spouse to grow alongside you. Engage in activities that promote self-reflection, personal development, and emotional well-being, such as reading, journaling, therapy, or pursuing hobbies and interests. As you grow individually, you’ll also strengthen your relationship.
Establish Shared Goals and Values
A strong and lasting marriage is built on shared goals and values. Take time to discuss your individual aspirations and determine the common ground that aligns with both of your life visions. By working together toward shared objectives, you’ll foster a sense of partnership and unity that will reinforce your marriage.
Seek Professional Help When Needed
There is no shame in seeking professional help to address challenges in your relationship. Couples therapy or marriage counseling can provide valuable insights and guidance to help you navigate difficulties and build a stronger foundation for your marriage. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength and commitment to your relationship.
Conclusion
In conclusion, we encourage you to take the first step toward a stronger marriage by putting these tips and tricks into practice today. Start a conversation with your spouse about your relationship goals and how you can work together to enhance your bond. And don’t forget to share this blog post with other couples you know who may benefit from these insights. Let’s work together to create happier, healthier, and more fulfilling marriages for everyone. So, take action now and embark on this rewarding journey together!
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If you and your partner are looking for additional support in your relationship my associates and I are accepting new clients. Please feel free to call 818.851.1293 to learn more.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Mar 14, 2023 | couples, couples counseling, love, marriage
Maintaining a healthy and happy relationship takes effort, commitment, and a willingness to work through the challenges that inevitably arise. However, even the strongest relationships can face difficulties that are difficult to overcome on their own. This is where couples counseling comes in. Couples counseling is a form of therapy that helps couples identify and work through their problems, improve their communication skills, and ultimately strengthen their relationship.
Benefits
One of the primary benefits of couples counseling is that it provides a safe and supportive space for couples to work through their problems. In many cases, couples are dealing with issues such as communication breakdowns, trust issues, infidelity, financial problems, or disagreements about parenting styles. These issues can be incredibly difficult to work through on your own, and can often lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and despair. However, with the help of a trained therapist, couples can learn new communication skills, improve their conflict resolution abilities, and work through their issues in a way that is healthy and constructive.
Another benefit of couples counseling is that it provides a non-judgmental space for couples to explore their feelings and concerns. Often, couples feel as though they can’t talk to their partner about certain issues because they don’t want to hurt their feelings or cause conflict. However, in therapy, couples can explore these issues in a safe and supportive environment, without fear of judgment or backlash. This can help to create a sense of openness and trust in the relationship, which can lead to greater intimacy and connection.
What the research says
Research has consistently shown that couples counseling can be incredibly effective in helping couples overcome their difficulties and improve their relationship. In fact, a meta-analysis of 75 studies published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that couples therapy was effective in helping 70% of couples improve their relationship. Additionally, the study found that couples who participated in therapy saw an average improvement of 10-20% in their relationship satisfaction scores.
Learning the patterns and communicating needs
One of the reasons that couples counseling is so effective is that it helps couples to identify and address the underlying issues that are causing their problems. Often, couples get stuck in a cycle of negative interactions, where they blame, criticize, or withdraw from each other in response to conflict. However, a skilled therapist can help couples to break this cycle by identifying the underlying emotions and needs that are driving their behavior. By learning to communicate their feelings and needs more effectively, couples can begin to build a stronger, more resilient relationship.
Couples counseling can be incredibly effective in helping couples save their relationship. Whether you’re dealing with communication issues, trust issues, infidelity, or other challenges, working with a skilled therapist can help you to identify the underlying issues and develop the skills you need to work through them. By improving your communication, conflict resolution, and emotional connection, you can build a stronger, more resilient relationship that will stand the test of time.
If you and your partner are looking for additional support in your relationship my associates and I are accepting new clients. Please feel free to call 818.851.1293 to learn more.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Feb 3, 2023 | couples, couples counseling, holiday, love, marriage
Valentine’s Day is a special occasion celebrated by lovers all over the world. It is a day dedicated to expressing love, affection, and appreciation to your significant other. The holiday has its roots in ancient Rome, where a festival called Lupercalia was held to celebrate love and fertility. Today, Valentine’s Day is widely recognized as a day to celebrate love in all its forms, whether it be romantic love, familial love, or the love of friends.
Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to show your significant other how much you care. Here are some tips to help you make the most of the romantic holiday with your partner:
Plan ahead: The key to making the most of Valentine’s Day is to plan ahead. This will ensure that you have enough time to arrange for a special surprise or make reservations for a romantic dinner.
Do something special: Whether it’s cooking a special meal together or going on a romantic outing, make sure to do something that is unique and memorable. This could be anything from visiting a museum to taking a hot air balloon ride.
Spend quality time together: Take the time to really connect with your partner by having a meaningful conversation or doing an activity that you both enjoy. This could be anything from playing a game to taking a long walk together.
Be thoughtful: Show your partner how much you care by going the extra mile to make them feel special. This could be as simple as sending them a handwritten love letter or buying them a special gift.
Surprise your partner: Surprise your partner by doing something unexpected. This could be anything from cooking their favorite meal to planning a weekend getaway.
Show appreciation: Take the time to appreciate your partner and everything they do for you. Express your gratitude by giving them a hug, a kiss, or by simply saying “I love you.”
Be present: Put down your phone and other distractions and focus on your partner. Make an effort to be fully present and engaged in the moment.
Have fun: Above all, remember to have fun. Laugh, enjoy each other’s company, and make lasting memories together.
By following these tips, you can make the most of Valentine’s Day with your partner and show them just how much they mean to you.
*Reminder* Valentine’s Day should not be the only day of the year you are showing your partner love and appreciation. Remember to continue to work on your relationship the other 364 days of the year!
If you are your partner are needing some extra support, I am currently accepting new clients both online and in-person. You may call me at the number below or book directly on my website!
marinaedelman.com 818.851.1293
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jan 24, 2023 | couples, couples counseling, divorce, love, marriage
Are you fighting with your partner based on assumptions or reality?
There is no doubt that couples will fight in their relationship. Whether these fights are productive or not it is important to recognize where your arguments are coming from? Are they coming from an assumption or something that happened in real time or (reality)..
Here are a few common reasons couple’s fight:
- Finances
- Frequency of sex
- Kids
- Division of labor (who does what in the house)
- Extended family
- Lack of quality time
- Lack of romance
So…. what if my argument is based off an assumption?
Assumptions in relationships can include assuming your partners motives, thoughts, feelings, or needs. Assumptions can be pretty destructive in relationships and can lead to a spiral of misunderstanding, miscommunication, and add further distance between you and your partner.
Assumptions can look like:
“He is being really quiet so obviously he is mad at me.”
“You should know exactly what I want, why should I have to ask you?”
“I know how she feels”
“We will be so much happier if we do XYZ”
Assumptions can lead to shutting down during arguments and a total loss of connection with your partner. If you are constantly assuming what your partner is thinking or why they did what they did, often times they may feel judged and helpless because they are not given the chance to explain what they are actually thinking or feeling.
The Four Agreements is a wonderful read that offers insight into how self-limiting beliefs that can impact our lives.
One of the 4 agreements states:
“Don’t Make Assumptions: We should not assume that others know what we think or what we want, and vice versa. We should communicate our needs and our feelings clearly, and we should ask questions instead of jumping to conclusions when thinking about the behaviors of others.”
This goes hand in hand with relationships. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Whatever you may be thinking or assuming about your partner, stop, pause, and communicate what you are feeling with them. Having open and honest dialogue based off of reality and not assumptions will only lead to better communication between you and your partner.
Old habits can be hard to break but with a conscious effort, couples can become aware of the assumptions they are making.
Check-in with your partner and asking questions like:
“How can I support you right now?”
What are your thoughts about XYZ?”
“Can I share my thoughts and feelings about this with you?”
“How do you feel about this situation?”
Questions like these open up the opportunity for honest and open conversations and allow you to better understand your partners thoughts and feelings.. Give it a try!
If you and you partner are struggling with communication, my associates and I are currently accepting new clients. Couples therapy can be very beneficial for the overall health and longevity of your relationship.
marinaedelman.com 818.851.1293
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Feb 22, 2022 | anxiety, Blog, couples, couples counseling, group, love, marriage, pregnancy
Mood Swings During Pregnancy Are Common
One big reason for pregnancy mood swings is a women’s rapidly changing hormones, specifically estrogen and progesterone. Estrogen, associated with serotonin, levels soar during the first trimester and can cause emotional distress. Most commonly resulting in increase in anxiety and irritability.
Second common reason for emotional dysregulation is the obvious physical discomforts such as morning sickness, fatigue and constipation, etc. We can all relate to our mood changing when we feel physically uncomfortable. Because these changes happen in the first trimester, women feel like there isn’t a relief in sight and know that symptoms will only get worse.
The third most common reason for change in mood is directly related to weight gain. Whether the weight gain is drastic or gradual, change in weight can be stressful for some. Feelings of insecurity during pregnancy and fears of loosing wight after pregnancy can trigger obsessive thoughts. Social media portraying high profile individuals dropping weight and being red carpet ready within weeks of delivery, doesn’t help.
Gender Disappointment
One of the most taboo subjects to talk about is the baby’s gender. Many people feel shame in revealing they actually have a preference. Just know that you are not alone, this is very common. Feelings of guilt about disappointment, regretting the pregnancy, and doubt over one’s ability to parent or love this child is common.
There are a few reasons why one might feel disappointment:
- Preference, dream of sharing an experience with a certain gender
- Culture
- Gender diversity of the family – family full of boys might want a girl etc.
- Intimidation at raising a child of opposite gender – fear of the unknown
- Fear of the child creating a stronger bond with the parent that is the same gender
Coping Strategies During Pregnancy
- This is your time to recommit to the relationship. Prioritize each other by focusing on your partners social, emotional, and physical needs.
- Allow for all feelings to be expressed. If new emotions, such as rage, occur being curious and comforting. Validate and support one another.
- Communication has never been as important as it is now. Validate by acknowledging your loved ones emotions, thoughts, experiences, values, and beliefs. You don’t have to agree, just express understanding and acceptance.
- Stop reading parenting and pregnancy books. Humans have been doing this for 300,000 years. You have instinct, trust it!
- Be patient, allow space for errors.
- The non-pregnant spouse can show true unwavering support by changing behaviors such as substance use, making better eating choices, prioritizing rest etc. It’s hard for the pregnant partner to have their life be completely changed and watch their mate continue to live as if nothing happened.
- Connect with other expecting couples.
- Engage in nesting type of conversations. Register for gifts, identify and design the nursery, find childcare and so on.
- Find a counselor who can the two of you navigate uncharted waters.
Final Words from Marina Edelman, LMFT
Pregnancy is difficult for both partners in different ways. What ever you are feeling I can guarantee someone else out there feels exactly the same. I recently hosted an in person pregnancy support group in my office. It was wonderful! The women were able to openly share all of the emotions they have been to embarrassed to express with their girlfriends for fear of judgment.
Marina Edelman | 818.851.1293 | marinaedelman.com | Westlake Village, CA
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Oct 19, 2021 | couples, couples counseling, divorce, fall, love, marriage, mediation, self-care, Uncategorized
FALL BACK IN LOVE…READ MORE TO LEARN HOW
The leaves are changing, the air is crisp, the aroma of pumpkin latte’s and pumpkin everything else is cropping up all around you. There may be a feeling of warmth and festivity in the air as the seasons change, so why is there a chill between you and your partner?
For many, the changing of the seasons signals a natural inclination for newness and growth. Instead of widening the gap and growing apart, take this seasonal cue from Mother Nature and seize the opportunity to FALL BACK in love, creating more opportunity for you and your partner not only to connect, but to flourish!
Seasonal changes as well as relationship changes are organic and normal as everyone experiences highs and lows. While these fluctuations are part of even the healthiest relationships, we sometimes need to be reminded that we have the power to strengthen and increase more of the connection in our relationships that may have diminished over time.
“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go” ~Anonymous
By increasing mindful awareness this season and letting go of some resentments and bitterness that may have crept in over time, you and your partner can reconnect. In the beginning of your relationship its often effortless to act simply as smiley lover’s loving love. These feelings of infatuation can naturally decrease if left unattended leaving one or both partners feeling disillusioned and questioning the future of the relationship.
Some signs of relationship dissatisfaction creeping in are:
– Your speech with one another becoming more sarcastic than sweet
– You may be less careful with one another’s feelings and ignore bids for attention
– You no longer “date” one another like you did when the relationship was new
– You begin to fantasize about being with someone else or being better off alone
– Instead of admiring your partners strengths, you focus only on their shortcomings
– You find yourself asking “Is this as good as it gets? Or even “Have I fallen out of love permanently?”
If these signs are familiar to you, realize that not only are you not alone, but that you have the power within you to create desired change today. By “being the change you wish to see” in your relationship you can influence your partner and can reignite the passion that you may have once feared was only a thing of seasons past.
Here are SIX things you can try today to FALL BACK in LOVE with your partner.
1. Get cozy! Take advantage of the changing season by inviting your partner to move closer to you. Keeping each other can warm the heart in more ways than one.
2. Rekindle though traditions. Don’t have any? Begin where you are by adding rituals for the holidays, or even for your daily routine. Fun is not just for kids and is important for “grown-ups” too. The pumpkin patch and piles of Autumn leaves await!
3. Gratitude. With Thanksgiving coming, be proactive now by counting your blessings and focusing on what you do have vs don’t have in your relationship.
4. Take a stroll down Memory Lane. What was it that attracted you to each other in the beginning? Remember the things that you signed up for when you made a commitment to the person that you share your life with.
5. Recommit to being “ALL IN ” in your relationship thought the power of decision. Love is a verb after all. You can begin again by remembering all the things that you did for and with your partner in the beginning when the feelings were more alive. Make a conscious decision to doing them again and doing them with kindness.
6. Self-care may sound cliché but there is a reason for it. Take care of YOU. If you want to rekindle passion in your relationship, take care of yourself outside of the relationship and make sure that your individual needs are met. If you are feeling bad about your own life, it’s hard to keep your relationship flame alive.
Don’t wait until January 1st to add “Work on the relationship” to your lengthy list of resolutions. By moving towards your desired future now, It will not only improve your relationship, but it can also make space for your other adventurous resolutions like fitness, fencing, fantasy football, or something else that you would like to have more of in your life. If more of what you need is a happier relationship, or just to “be,” In either case, do it now. Your future self- will thank you.
Blog post written by Sharalee Hall AMFT, she is available to meet with couples and families in person and online . Feel free to reach out and schedule a complimentary session.
marinaedelman.com 818.851.1293
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | May 2, 2021 | couples, marriage
Communicate, Communicate some more, And Now Again!
I never meet couples in my practice who over communicate. Instead I meet couples who make wrong assumptions about one another, stonewall and say things like “what’s the point” or “nothing I say matters”, fight to win.
Sounds like you? It’s o.k. and even beneficial for your relationship to fight as long as it’s done with intention to gain closeness or increase understanding. Unfortunately couples get lost in the power struggle that is created. How it comes about no-one knows but they know they are in the middle of it. It feels like a cob web, you don’t see it as you are walking through the forest but you sure know you walked right into it. Getting out of the web or power struggle is a struggle on its own. You promise yourself to not repeat a mistake but nevertheless find ourself battling for control. Who started it – anyone’s guess. Who ends it – either one can.
There is a theory, not sure who to attribute it too, that we enter into a committed relationship with someone who inadvertently picks on our wounds. They don’t mean to do it but they do it. Ever point out a bruise to your significant other just to have them push on it? They are trying to confirm the visual and accidentally do it too hard. From a relationship stand point, let’s say Partner A feels anxious if a fight is not immediately repaired and they marry Partner B who needs time to process. When Partner B asks for time they are not trying to punish or reject Partner A and yet that is exactly how it feels. So who should sacrifice their needs?
Maybe no one needs too. A great tool is for both partners to validate their needs in an exaggerated way. So in this instance Partner A would say “I know you need time to process and despite my fear of being apart during this time I will wait for you”. Partner B should validate and offer up something to comfort Partner A “I appreciate you acknowledging my need, let’s talk in 2 hours”. At this point it is vital for Partner B to stick to that promise. In absence of following through on this commitment betrayal and mistrust will start to grow.
The example above sounds very forced and formal. This is not how you will continue to speak but sometimes when learning a new skill exaggeration helps. Remember when you started to drive and you were very mechanical in checking rear view mirror and then paying attention to the road and then checking side mirrors and so on. Think of retraining yourself as learning to drive. Yes it is mechanical but the results are worth it. Slowly natural patterns will set in and trust and attunement will be second nature.
Try these communication tools:
- Speak with good intention
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- Is your intention to win an argument or be understood
- Validate what your spouse just said even if you disagree.
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- Validation is not an apology or an agreement, simply restate what your partner said
- Speak slowly and for short period of time
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- Your partner can’t process or remember a monologue
- Use ‘I Statements’
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- I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to not accuse but merely share a feeling
- Stay on topic
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- The flood gates have opened up and you are finally talking but practice self restraint and stay focused on one topic until a resolution has been reached
In my subsequent blogs I will share the second part of healthy communication practices. For now see if you can incorporate these 5 into your relationship. These tips are beneficial not just for romantic partners but for platonic and professional relationships as well.
Please visit marinaedelman.com to learn more about me or follow me on Instagram @marina.on.marriage. Feel free to leave comments or ask follow up questions. Happy Coupling!
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“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.”
—Helen Keller
