by Marina Edelman, LMFT | May 26, 2020 | anxiety, Blog, couples, mindfulness
Staying mindful and present while living in quarantine has proven extremely difficult for most of us. With so much uncertainty in the air and vague estimations of when life can begin to resemble normalcy, it’s hard to stop ourselves from overthinking and giving in to anxiety-inducing thoughts.
These thoughts can interfere with your ability to be present in your daily life and in your relationship. Chances are, both you and your partner are feeling at least some anxiety and stress right now, either because of the current state of the world or how the quarantine is affecting your relationship. Mindfulness exercises are a great way to help reduce anxiety and stress.
Incorporating mindfulness exercises into your life is just one way to forge a stronger relationship as a couple. This can help you better weather life’s stresses and anxieties so that when stressful situations like quarantine pass, you’ll be more connected than ever.
Benefits of mindfulness in relationships
If you’re feeling anxious or fighting with your partner, it can be helpful to take some time to yourself to try the mindfulness techniques below and come back to your problem later. This can give you a chance to calm down and gain more clarity on the situation or help you focus on what actions you want to take.
You and your partner can even do mindfulness exercises together to bring you both a sense of calm during an anxious time. If you choose to do them together, be sure to put down your phones and step away from any distractions.
Whether you do it on your own or together, practicing mindfulness in your relationship can help you and your partner:
- Improve your mood so you feel calmer and happier
- Become better listeners and less distracted when having a conversation
- Have stronger emotion regulation, which means less anger and sadness
- Become more in tune with your feelings and your partner’s feelings
- Have more productive conversations and better problem solving
- Forge a deeper connection that leads to more intimacy
I’ve found that certain mindfulness techniques help me stay more present and grounded than others. These techniques can help you and your partner reduce your levels of anxiety so you can feel more calm, centered, and connected.
Five senses technique
One easy and simple mindfulness exercise that I partake in daily is the five senses technique, which I usually do every time I take my dog out for a walk. This technique uses your five senses — sight, touch, sound, smell, and taste — to help ground you and bring you into the present moment.
I usually go up to some flowers to do this technique, but any scene or area out in nature will work perfectly. If you’re doing this inside, it can be done in any room and in any area of your house.
Sight
I’ll start by noticing five things that I see in front of me. This can be the flowers themselves, their leaves, any blades of grass, or insects around the flowers.
Touch
Then I’ll touch four different things. I might gently run my finger across a flower petal or dig my hands in the grass, or I may give my dog a pet.
Sound
I’ll pay attention to three things that I can hear: the wind blowing through the trees, the sound of a lawn mower, or maybe a dog barking in the distance.
Smell
Then I’ll notice two things that I can smell, which could be the flowers themselves or the clean air.
Taste
Finally, I’ll focus on one thing I can taste. If I have a water bottle with me, then I’ll take a sip of water and mindfully pay attention to the feeling and sensation of the water going down my throat.
Grounding technique
Another quick mindfulness exercise that can be done anywhere and at any time is a grounding technique. While sitting on a surface, I notice all of the different areas of my body that are touching that surface and focus all of my attention to those areas. These areas are usually my back, thighs, and feet.
After I divert my attention to these areas for a few minutes, I then dig the bottoms of my feet into the ground so that I can really feel the earth beneath me. This is a quick way to (literally) ground yourself and bring you back into the present moment, especially if you’re feeling caught up in your thoughts or feeling some acute anxiety.
By Rachel Chistyakov, AMFT. Rachel is an associate at TrueMe Counseling Center. You can read more about her here.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | May 19, 2020 | self-care
Self-care has become a popular buzzword amongst media outlets and therapists for a good reason. We must all focus and prioritize our emotional, physical, and spiritual needs to help support others and create the world we want to live in.
We cannot help others and ourselves when we pour from an empty cup. Self-care can be as simple as reducing screen time before bed to spending time with family. It can even be spending five more minutes paying attention to the sounds and sights of nature around you.
Here are just a few of the benefits of self-care.
Self-care makes you more productive
We live in a “go, go, go” society where rocket-speed work and no breaks are praised, and job applications seek “multitaskers.” The fact is that multitasking is actually proven to make us less productive. We accomplish more if we tackle one task at a time, focus, and slow down.
An example of slowing down can look like dividing tasks on a to-do list and taking planned breaks throughout the day.
It makes you more able to give to others
One big obstacle to self-care is the concept that it is selfish. That couldn’t be farther from the truth! When we focus on our emotional needs, we have more time, emotional bandwidth, and energy to give to those around us. This means more connected and fuller relationships.
It benefits your physical health
Chronic stress and overwork creates numerous physical health problems. Self-care can decrease stress levels and allow your body to relax and recharge. As we settle into a self-care routine, we experience stronger immune systems and less physical health ailments like sore muscles and colds.
It increases your capacity to handle stressors
When we are tired, emotionally drained, or sick, our capacity to handle even minor stressors drastically decreases. Self-care activities can improve your ability to handle and even master daily stressors, such as a flat tire or argument with a significant other. When a stressor occurs, the natural rhythm of the nervous system may be thrown off balance.
By practicing self-care, we give ourselves a better opportunity for our nervous systems to settle back into its natural rhythm more quickly. The resilience zone is the state of being where we feel able to handle life’s daily stressors effectively and efficiently. Self-care increases our capacity to handle stressors, or resilience.
Prioritizing self-care
Now, how do we begin to prioritize self-care? Begin by making a plan. Focus on exploring different areas of your life: personal, family, work, physical, spiritual, and relationships.
Choose a few activities within each of these categories to begin your self-care journey. They don’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. It may be challenging to wake up 20 minutes before your alarm to journal or meditate, for example, but it will absolutely be worth it.
Part of your self-care may even be regular individual therapy sessions to help you learn to focus on yourself and your own needs instead of prioritizing everyone else’s. Whatever activities work best for you are what you should incorporate into your self-care plan.
By Hadley Tarantino, LMFT. Hadley is an associate at the office of Marina Edelman, LMFT. You can read more about her here.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Mar 17, 2020 | anxiety, coronavirus
What I Am Telling My Clients Who Are Anxious About Coronavirus
The word ‘unprecedented’ has been used and maybe over used but the Coronavirus is undeniably affecting all of us in significant ways. Social distancing has drastically affected our daily lives. This pandemic has had a toll not only on our physical and social life but on our mental health as well. You are probably familiar with statistics such as number of people infected, recovery rate, or countries impacted. Here are some other statistics to consider: in one study of Wang et al, 2020 they found that in China, 53.8% of the respondents to a survey rated their psychological impact as moderate-to-severe and 28.8% had moderate to severe anxiety, 16.5% had moderate to severe depressive symptoms, 8.1% had moderate to severe stress levels.
Know that you are not alone, my associates and I are here to help you. We are meeting with clients using video portals and phones and are finding these tools to be very affective. Please feel free to reach out for help. In the meantime here are some ways you can stay healthy and happy.
Be creative in connecting with friends and family
Physical distancing doesn’t have to be synonymous with social distancing. On the contrary, we have amazing tools at our disposal to connect with people. Here are example of three ways to stay connected.
- Google just announced that they are giving away premium feature of Hangout Meet for free. This allows you to connect with up to 250 people. Zoom, FaceTime, Facebook etc. are all great ways to connect one on one or with a group.
- Netflix has a cool feature where you can still watch a movie together and have a group chat with the Chrome extension Netflix Party. It enables you to remotely watch, synchronize the movie and chat.
- Consider throwing a remote dinner party by planning a menu together and deciding on a time. Plant your laptop on the counter and start a video conference while prepping your meal. Bon Appetite!
Self-Care to manage anxiety and depression
If you have been procrastinating focusing on your health and wellness than this is your moment. Mental health, immune system and physical health will benefit with increased attention to self care. This is a great opportunity to create healthy habits.
- Group fitness classes are great not just for the workout but because they give us a sense of community. Your gym or studio maybe closed but you can replace that with some wonderful free at home options and digital classes streaming right into your home. Staying active can help alleviate stress as well as distract you in a positive way. Here are some options:
305 Fitness: Stream full classes for free on its YouTube channel at 12 p.m. ET.
AKT: Stream free classes on Facebook Live, check its social for updated schedules.
Modo Yoga: Stream free daily yoga classes on Instagram Live.
- Meditation is something all of us want to do but can’t seem to find the time to do it. Well now there are no excuses. There are tons of guided meditation videos and apps out there. Find a quiet place to sit for even 10 minutes and just focus on your breath. Be kind with invasive thoughts. Watch them float away as you refocus on your breath.
- Eat healthy at home. Restaurants and coffee shops might be closed but a healthy meal is at your fingertips. Recent research has proven that we can help manage our mood with a healthy diet. Foods such as salmon, yogurt and dark chocolate have brain boosting properties that alleviate some symptoms. Replacing coffee with green tea or chamomile tea is also a good way to add calmness to your morning.
Maintain a similar routine or establish a new one if one didn’t exist
Being flexible and accepting change is crucial during this unprecedented time. Try to stick to your normal routine as much as possible. If you have to make adjustments because of social distancing at least keep doing it in the same order or time. For example even though you don’t have a commute, still wake up at the same time and enjoy a leisurely breakfast. If you are used to meeting up with friends after work, consider calling them while taking a walk outside.
If a routine was never your thing, consider creating a loose one such as consistent sleep schedule, work out, prepare a meal, virtually visit with a friend….
Reduce social media consumption of coronavirus
This is a big one! Reading about what is happening around the world is healthy to a point. There is a fine line with obsessing over pandemic as opposed to staying informed. Social media also allows us a peek into other people’s lives and we can’t help but to compare them to us. Recently parents have been posting schedules for homeschooling their children. The images are so cute and organized and colorful. But what if you are struggling with figuring it all out or are just not that excited about homeschooling, this can leave you feeling disappointed and a bit sad. Be cautious with how much time you spend on media in general. Subscribe to happy or good news channels as well.
Focus on what you can do vs what you cannot
You will now probably have more time on your hands and common sources of entertainment will not be available. There are so many options still at your disposal, just think outside the box. All of us have some home projects that we say we will get too but can’t find the time to actually complete. Or was your New Year resolution to write a book, read more, or spend time outdoors. Spending time outside is a great way to elevate your mood, feel a sense of freedom, and get some steps in.
Show up as your best self by channeling
- Patience
- Gratitude
- Compliments
- Understanding
- Humor
- Empathy
We are all in this together, maintaining an optimistic outlook and focusing on what is possible will help you to be resilient and creative. Feel free to reach out by visiting marinaedelman.com or calling 818.851.1293.
