by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jan 16, 2019 | Blog, Uncategorized
When I went back to school to get my masters to become a therapist, I was married with two small children. Part of my training involved reflecting on my family of origin and my nuclear family. My parents and step parents were very eager to help me recall nuances of my childhood and adolescent life. They were open to be analyzed and accepted their successes and failures.
I then turned my attention to my nuclear family. I began examining my children based on birth order, gender, type of pregnancy etc. My husband was a willing participant in putting our children and our parenting of them under a microscope. We changed from using a discipline model to organic consequences and saw positive changes.
Our marriage was and still is solid, so I turned the spotlight on him and us. There was a specific incident that I remember happened during a semester where I was learning to diagnose using DSM IV. During an argument I switched from arguing as a spouse and put on my therapist hat and disassociated from ‘US’. I felt very powerful in being able to see my husband as a client and quickly maneuvered in the argument to position my self as the winner.
This did not go over very well with him. Although not in the mental health field, he was a formidable opponent and called me out. Initially I resisted his assessment and continued to stand on my soap box. After a few more altercations of this sort, I realized that my marriage was suffering because I was not connecting with him but more looking at him as a client for whom I have unconditional positive regard but not love or true emotional connection with.
That was a turning point and I stopped being a therapist in my personal life. I expanded that to cover my friends, children and other family members. My practice is very fulfilling and I am able to create boundaries for myself to easily transition from Therapist to Civilian.
As a Gottman Level II therapist I attract a lot of couples. After session they tend to use therapy as a weapon in their fights by either quoting me or using what their partner shared, in a vulnerable state, against them. I strongly caution against that. This is one of the main reasons I see couples dropping out of counseling prematurely and not getting the help they need.
Talking about how the session went is common and healthy. Have a safe conversation by showing appreciation for transparency and validate your partners concerns. Your relationship will thank you!
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 20, 2018 | Blog
Friendsgiving has become a staple and so has white elephant, but how else can you celebrate winter holidays with friends?
Here are some examples of what people around the world do to share the joy with their friends.
- Hold a glass pickle hunt. One of Germany’s favorite holiday traditions, this centuries-old game involves hiding a pickle ornament in a hard-to-spot place on the tree. The person who finds it first gets an extra present.
- Bake Challenge. Invite everyone over and challenge yourself and your friends by attempting homemade eggnog, candy canes, or cookies with a secret ingredient.
- Fried Chicken Until recently Christmas was not a big deal in Japan. A new, quirky “tradition” has emerged in recent years – a Christmas Day feast of the Colonel’s very own Kentucky Fried Chicken. Invite pals over and fry up some chicken with an award given to the tastiest one.
- Celebrate a holiday that is not your own There are 6 holidays celebrated in December all around the world that are not Christmas: Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, Las Posadas, Diwali, Chinese New Year and many more
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by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 17, 2018 | Blog, focus
Make things happen! Seize the day! You’ve heard the pep talk before. How do you motivate yourself to get up Monday morning and be productive?
The weekend allowed you to relax and regroup, so that you may return to work refreshed. Start Mondays from a new vantage point, review your priorities for the week and then assign your highest level of concentration to the hardest tasks first.
Here are some basic tips:
- Spend 10 minutes organizing and prioritizing emails.
- Only schedule meetings after 10 a.m.
- Turn off social media notifications
- Tidy your work area
- Embrace your routine
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 13, 2018 | Uncategorized
I live in sunny California, but even here when the days get shorter I notice people’s energy level, mood and productivity goes down. Therapy Helps!
According to Mayo Clinic ‘Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons — SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year. If you’re like most people with SAD, your symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody. Less often, SAD causes depression in the spring or early summer.’
Treatment includes light therapy (if you haven’t see Broad City’s episode about this you should!), medication and psychotherapy.
Therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most affective for sufferers. We will work on first diagnosing the problem and ruling out other causes of depression. Then the work focuses on replacing negative thoughts and creating new behaviors such as cutting out junk food and increasing exercise. After about 6 consecutive sessions clients see improved mood and energy.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 10, 2018 | Blog
Holiday season is one of the busiest times to travel. Whether you are visiting family or going on vacation pre-trip anxiety can affect event the healthiest of us.
Common Reasons:
- Taking time off work
- Boarding Pets
- Scheduling transportation and accommodations
- Fear of getting sick
- Spending time with family in a confined space
- Going over budget
- Reservations being canceled
- Adverse weather conditions
- Forgetting to pack something important
Steps to take:
- Remind yourself of why you are traveling
- Visualize arriving at the destination
- Create lists – packing, spending, activities, gifts
- Bounce ideas of someone else
- Set a budget with a 10% buffer
- Remember anything you forget can be purchased at your destination or you can temporarily live without out (medicine is probably an exception)
- Check in with ourself if anxiety is what you are feeling. Excitement is sometimes confused with anxiety.
- Analyze each scary thought you have and figure out how you would handle it. For example what would you do if you missed your plane.
- Eat super foods leading up to your travels
- Plan for ways to entertain yourself in a confined space, such as plane, by downloading podcast or book etc.
#anxiety #travelanxiety #therapy #therapist #westlake #cbt
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 6, 2018 | Blog
Every semester I have a student who emails me with a request to interview me about what it’s like to have a private practice. I thought I would publish my answers in hopes to help others who are considering interview this field.
1. How many hours per week are you expected to work in this field?
There is no expectation in private practice but on average therapists work 20 hours. Since I am balancing being a supervisor and seeing my own clients, I average 40 hours a week.
2. Can you describe your experience balancing life and work?
One of the benefits of being self employed is the ability set my own hours. Which makes balancing life and work easier. The hard part is to not be a ‘Therapist’ all the time. To address that issue I try to avoid discussing what I do while socializing.
3. What qualities do you need to have to be successful in this field?
Besides being passionate about psychology one needs to love marketing and networking.
4. What do you find to be the most rewarding aspects of this field?
When clients have aha moments.
5. A lot of people think that the field of psychology is an “easy” major or that you cannot find a job with a degree in psychology. What would you say to debunk this misconception and encourage a student to purse a degree in psychology?
I think the degree can be converted to a lot of other positions that require understanding of human nature. Sales, HR, and child oriented positions come to mind.
6. What advice would you give to a student who is considering studying psychology?
To drill down on what their intent in studying it is. Is it for the love of learning or to actually be employed in the field. If employment is the goal then figure out what part of psychology is of interest, it is a very broad field.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 3, 2018 | Blog
On January 30, 2017, the journal BMC Medicine published Felice Jacka PhD’s new randomized controlled study called The SMILES Trial. This groundbreaking research for the the first time demonstrates that people with moderate to severe depression can improve their mood by altering what they eat.
Here are the details of the diet that was used to reduce participants depression, for more details visit https://www.myvmc.com/news/diet-plan-depression/
12 key food groups (recommended servings in brackets): whole grains (5–8 servings per day); vegetables (6 per day); fruit (3 per day), legumes (3–4 per week); low-fat and unsweetened dairy foods (2–3 per day); raw and unsalted nuts (1 per day); fish (at least 2 per week); lean red meats (3–4 per week), chicken (2–3 per week); eggs (up to 6 per week); and olive oil (3 tablespoons per day), whilst reducing intake of ‘extras’ foods, such as sweets, refined cereals, fried food, fast-food, processed meats and sugary drinks (no more than 3 per week).
Red or white wine consumption beyond 2 standard drinks per day and all other alcohol (e.g. spirits, beer) were included within the ‘extras’ food group. Individuals were advised to select red wine preferably and only drink with meals. The dietary composition of the ModiMedDiet was as follows: protein 18% of total energy (E); fat 40% of E; carbohydrates 37% of E; alcohol 2% of E; fibre/other 3% of E.
