by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jul 9, 2026 | couples counseling
Most Marriages After 40 Don’t End Because Love Disappeared—They End Because Respect Slowly Faded
Respect —not love— is often the first thing to disappear in struggling marriages.
Many people assume marriages end because couples simply “fall out of love.” But after more than 20 years of working with couples and over 30 years of marriage myself, I’ve found that’s rarely the whole story.
More often, relationships begin to unravel when one partner no longer feels respected, appreciated, or emotionally safe.
Love may still be there.
Commitment may still be there.
But when everyday interactions are filled with criticism, dismissal, sarcasm, or contempt, emotional connection gradually begins to fade.
The encouraging news is that respect isn’t built through grand romantic gestures or expensive gifts. As a marriage and couples therapist, I’ve observed certain patterns among couples who maintain vibrant, enduring relationships. It’s reflected in the small, everyday moments—how partners speak to each other, respond during conflict, show appreciation, and protect one another’s dignity.
These seemingly ordinary interactions either strengthen trust or quietly chip away at it over time.
Let’s explore five subtle forms of disrespect that can slowly weaken even the strongest long-term marriages—and what healthier relationships do differently.
Why Respect Matters More Than You Think
Respect Creates Emotional Safety
Healthy marriages aren’t built on passion alone.
They’re built on emotional safety—the confidence that your partner values your thoughts, protects your dignity, and treats you with kindness, even during conflict.
When respect disappears, partners often begin to:
- Share less about their feelings
- Avoid difficult conversations
- Become defensive
- Feel lonely within the relationship
- Lose trust over time
Respect is the foundation that allows love to thrive.
Without it, even strong relationships can begin to fracture.
1. Putting Your Partner Down in Front of Others
Public criticism can be one of the quickest ways to damage trust.
Sometimes it looks obvious:
- Mocking your partner at family gatherings
- Correcting them in front of friends
- Criticizing their decisions publicly
Other times it’s more subtle:
- Rolling your eyes while they speak
- Making dismissive comments
- Speaking to them with impatience in social settings
Even if everyone laughs, your partner may leave feeling embarrassed rather than supported.
Why It Hurts
Public humiliation sends an important message:
“You’re not safe with me.”
Over time, repeated embarrassment can create emotional distance that becomes difficult to repair.
2. Making Hurtful “Jokes” at Their Expense
When Humor Stops Being Funny
Healthy couples laugh together.
Unhealthy patterns often involve laughing at one another.
Statements like:
- “Can’t you take a joke?”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “I was only kidding.”
can dismiss genuine hurt.
Intent matters—but impact matters more.
If your partner consistently feels like the punchline, humor may be masking disrespect.
Ask Yourself
Would I make this same joke if I knew it genuinely hurt the person I love?
If the answer is no, it may be time to rethink the pattern.
3. Speaking Negatively About Your Partner Behind Their Back
Everyone needs trusted people to talk to during difficult times.
Seeking support is healthy.
Repeatedly criticizing, mocking, or belittling your partner to friends or family is something different.
When negative conversations become the norm, respect begins to erode both inside and outside the relationship.
A Helpful Rule
Talk about your partner as though they could hear every word.
That doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect.
It means communicating with the same dignity and respect you would want shown to you.
4. Dismissing Their Thoughts or Feelings
Disrespect isn’t always loud.
Sometimes it’s a facial expression.
Sometimes it’s silence.
Sometimes it’s a sentence like:
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “You’re being dramatic.”
- “That’s ridiculous.”
Or behaviors such as:
- Interrupting
- Eye rolling
- Sarcasm
- Ignoring concerns
- Changing the subject
These responses communicate something powerful:
“Your experience doesn’t matter.”
The Long-Term Impact
Eventually, many partners stop sharing altogether.
Not because they no longer have feelings—but because they’ve learned those feelings won’t be received with care.
That’s when emotional intimacy begins to disappear.
5. Showing More Kindness to Strangers Than to Your Partner
This may be one of the most common relationship traps.
Many people are patient with:
- Coworkers
- Friends
- Cashiers
- Neighbors
Yet become short-tempered, dismissive, or impatient with the person they love most.
Why?
Because familiarity often lowers our awareness.
We begin assuming our partner will simply understand.
But healthy marriages aren’t built on assumptions.
They’re built on intentional kindness.
The same courtesy you naturally extend to strangers can have an even greater impact when practiced consistently at home.
How Small Moments Build—or Break—A Marriage
Rarely does a marriage fall apart becaus of one conversation.e
More often, it’s the accumulation of everyday interactions.
Small moments of:
- Appreciation
- Respect
- Curiosity
- Patience
- Encouragement
strengthen connection.
Small moments of:
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Dismissal
- Defensiveness
- Public embarrassment
gradually weaken it.
Healthy relationships aren’t perfect.
They’re intentional.
Can Respect Be Rebuilt?
Yes.
Even if unhealthy patterns have existed for years, many couples learn to rebuild respect when both partners are willing to acknowledge the problem and make consistent changes.
Rebuilding respect often involves:
Practicing Active Listening
Focus on understanding rather than preparing your response.
Repairing After Conflict
Apologize sincerely, acknowledge hurt, and take responsibility for your actions.
Speaking With Kindness
Choose words that protect your partner’s dignity, especially during disagreements.
Showing Appreciation Daily
Simple expressions of gratitude can strengthen emotional connection over time.
Seeking Professional Support
A couples therapist can help identify recurring patterns, improve communication, and create healthier ways of relating to one another.
Final Thoughts
Love doesn’t usually disappear overnight.
Respect often fades first.
The strongest marriages aren’t those without conflict—they’re the ones where both partners consistently choose kindness, protect each other’s dignity, and create emotional safety through their everyday actions.
If you recognize some of these patterns in your own relationship, don’t view them as signs of failure.
View them as an opportunity to make meaningful changes before emotional distance grows wider.
Small moments matter.
And so do the choices you make in them.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Why do many marriages after 40 end even when love is still present?
Many marriages struggle because one or both partners stop feeling respected, emotionally safe, or valued. While love may remain, ongoing patterns of criticism, dismissal, or contempt can gradually weaken the relationship.
2. What are examples of disrespect in a marriage?
Examples include criticizing your partner in public, making hurtful jokes at their expense, dismissing their feelings, speaking negatively about them behind their back, and treating strangers with more kindness than your spouse.
3. Can a marriage recover after years of disrespect?
Yes. When both partners are willing to acknowledge unhealthy patterns, communicate openly, rebuild trust, and practice consistent respect, many relationships can improve significantly. Couples therapy can also provide valuable guidance.
4. Why is emotional safety important in a relationship?
Emotional safety allows partners to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of ridicule, criticism, or dismissal. It fosters trust, intimacy, and healthy communication.
5. How can couples rebuild respect in their relationship?
Couples can rebuild respect by listening without interrupting, speaking kindly during disagreements, expressing appreciation regularly, repairing conflicts through sincere apologies, and seeking professional support when needed.
Ready to Build a Stronger Relationship with Respect?
Respect isn’t something that only matters during major disagreements—it’s built through the smal l, everyday interactions that help your partner feel valued, heard, and emotionally safe.
If criticism, resentment, or emotional distance have become part of your relationship, it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Whether you’re looking to improve communication, rebuild trust, or reconnect after years of feeling unheard, therapy can help you understand the patterns keeping you stuck and develop healthier ways of relating to one another.
Take the First Step
📞 Call:
📧 Email: marina@marinaedelman.com
Book an appoinment today.
Healthy marriages aren’t built by avoiding conflict—they’re built by choosing respect, kindness, and emotional safety every day.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jun 11, 2026 | couples, couples counseling
Honest Conversations, Stronger Love: How to Communicate with Your Partner with Honesty and Compassion
Communicate the truth and strengthen a relationship—but only when it’s delivered with care.
Many couples believe they have only two choices when facing difficult conversations: be brutally honest or avoid the truth to keep the peace. In reality, the healthiest relationships are built on a third option—honest communication delivered with compassion.
Whether you’re discussing unmet needs, relationship concerns, financial stress, parenting challenges, or emotional wounds, the way you communicate can either create connection or deepen distance. Honesty without compassion can feel like criticism. Compassion without honesty can lead to resentment. Lasting intimacy requires both.
Just as structured communication helps couples navigate relationship crises and rebuild trust, healthy conversations create emotional safety and understanding long before problems become overwhelming.
Why Honesty Matters in a Relationship
Honesty is the foundation of trust. Without it, partners are left guessing what the other person truly thinks, feels, or needs.
When couples avoid difficult conversations, they often experience:
- Growing resentment
- Emotional disconnection
- Misunderstandings
- Repeated arguments
- Unmet expectations
Many people stay silent because they fear conflict or worry about hurting their partner. Ironically, avoiding the truth often causes more damage than addressing it directly.
Healthy honesty allows both partners to:
- Feel emotionally safe
- Understand each other’s needs
- Solve problems together
- Build deeper intimacy
- Strengthen trust over time
The goal isn’t simply to tell the truth—it’s to tell it in a way your partner can actually hear.
The Missing Ingredient: Communicate with Compassion
Compassion means considering your partner’s feelings while expressing your own truth.
Compassionate communication doesn’t water down your message or avoid accountability. Instead, it acknowledges that both people matter.
For example:
Without Compassion:
“You never listen to me. You’re always on your phone.”
With Compassion:
“I’ve been feeling disconnected lately, and when we’re together but focused on our phones, I miss feeling close to you.”
The message is similar, but the delivery invites connection instead of defensiveness.
How People Communicate and What Can Go Wrong
Many relationship conversations become unproductive because partners enter them emotionally flooded.
When emotions run high, people tend to:
- Attack
- Defend
- Withdraw
- Blame
- Interrupt
- Stop listening
Research and clinical experience consistently show that emotional escalation makes productive communication nearly impossible. Couples often end up having the same argument repeatedly without resolving the underlying issue.
The solution isn’t avoiding difficult conversations—it’s learning how to have them differently.
A Simple Framework to Communicate with Honesty and Compassion
Step 1: Regulate Yourself First
Before initiating an important conversation, ask yourself:
- Am I calm enough to communicate clearly?
- Am I seeking understanding or trying to win?
- What outcome do I want from this conversation?
If emotions are overwhelming, take time to calm your nervous system before engaging.
A conversation held in frustration often creates more problems than it solves.
Step 2: Lead with Your Feelings, Not Accusations
Accusations trigger defensiveness.
Instead of saying:
“You don’t care about me.”
Try:
“I’ve been feeling lonely lately, and I miss spending quality time together.”
This approach keeps the focus on your experience rather than attacking your partner’s character.
Step 3: Be Specific
Vague complaints create confusion.
Instead of:
“Things haven’t been good between us.”
Try:
“I’ve noticed we haven’t had meaningful conversations in weeks, and I miss that connection.”
Specific examples give your partner something concrete to understand and address.
Step 4: Practice Reflective Listening
Compassionate communication requires listening as much as speaking.
After your partner shares, try reflecting back:
“What I’m hearing is that you’ve been feeling overwhelmed at work and haven’t had much emotional energy left.”
This simple practice helps your partner feel seen and reduces misunderstandings.
Step 5: Stay Curious
Many couples assume they already know why their partner behaves a certain way.
Curiosity creates space for understanding.
Ask questions like:
- “Can you help me understand what you’re experiencing?”
- “What does this situation feel like from your perspective?”
- “What do you need from me right now?”
Understanding often emerges when judgment steps aside.
The Difference Between Brutal Honesty and Loving Honesty
Some people pride themselves on being “brutally honest.”
The problem is that the emphasis is often on the brutality rather than the honesty.
Loving honesty sounds different.
Brutal Honesty:
“You’re impossible to talk to.”
Loving Honesty:
“Sometimes I feel discouraged because our conversations become tense, and I’d love for us to find a better way to communicate.”
One creates shame.
The other creates an opportunity for growth.
What Honest and Compassionate Communication Creates
When practiced consistently, honest communication with compassion leads to:
Greater Trust
Partners know they can rely on each other for truth and transparency.
Emotional Safety
Both people feel comfortable sharing fears, needs, and vulnerabilities.
Stronger Conflict Resolution
Problems get addressed before they become major issues.
Deeper Intimacy
Authenticity creates connection.
Healthier Long-Term Relationships
Couples who communicate openly are better equipped to navigate life’s inevitable challenges together.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Why is honesty important in a romantic relationship?
Honesty builds trust, strengthens emotional intimacy, and helps partners understand each other’s needs. When couples communicate openly, they can address issues before they become larger problems and create a stronger foundation for long-term connection.
How to communicate and can honesty hurt a relationship?
Honesty itself is not usually the problem—it’s often the delivery. Being truthful without empathy can feel harsh or critical. Honest communication paired with compassion allows partners to express concerns while maintaining respect and emotional safety.
What is compassionate communication?
Compassionate communication means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs while considering your partner’s emotions and perspective. It focuses on understanding rather than blaming, helping both partners feel heard and valued.
How can I communicate a difficult topic without starting an argument?
Choose a calm time to talk, focus on your feelings rather than accusations, and use “I” statements. For example, say, “I’ve been feeling disconnected lately,” instead of, “You never spend time with me.” This reduces defensiveness and encourages productive dialogue.
How can we communicate better as a couple?
Regular check-ins, active listening, empathy, and honest conversations can significantly improve communication. Many couples also benefit from creating dedicated time each week to discuss feelings, goals, and concerns without distractions.
Ready to Strengthen Your Relationship and Communicate Properly?
Healthy relationships aren’t built on avoiding difficult conversations—they’re built on partners who are willing to communicate with honesty, empathy, and respect.
If you and your partner are struggling to express your needs, navigate recurring conflicts, or reconnect emotionally, professional support can help you develop the tools needed for healthier, more meaningful communication.
You don’t have to figure it out alone. Learn more on Relationship Counseling and Therapy!
Take the first step toward a stronger, more connected relationship by scheduling a consultation today. Together, you can learn how to communicate openly, listen with compassion, and create the trust and intimacy your relationship deserves.
Contact Marina today to start building a healthier, happier partnership—one conversation at a time. ❤️
Schedule Your Consultation
📞 Call: (818) 851 1293
📧 Email: marina@marinaedelman.com
Because every great relationship begins with understanding—and every meaningful conversation is an opportunity to grow closer.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jun 9, 2026 | self-care
Quick Answer: What GLP-1 Medications Can and Can’t Do
GLP-1 medications like Ozempic, Wegovy, and Mounjaro have transformed the medical landscape of weight management. But here’s what the prescription doesn’t include:
- The psychological work of redefining your relationship with food
- The identity shift of inhabiting a different body
- Alternative coping tools for when food is no longer the primary one
- The internal narrative that doesn’t automatically update with the scale
- Relapse prevention if the medication ends or becomes inaccessible
The medication changes biology. Lasting change requires changing everything else.
The Conversation No One Is Having Yet
GLP-1 medications have produced results that were previously out of reach for many people. They’ve changed how medicine approaches metabolic health. And they’ve created an entirely new psychological territory that very few people are talking about openly.
Most people who use GLP-1 medications are not prepared for what comes with the weight loss – or what comes after it. The complicated emotions that surface when food is no longer doing what it used to do. The disorienting experience of a body changing faster than the self-image inside it. The quiet fear of what happens when the prescription ends. The relationships that shift in ways no one warned you about.
This is the territory the medication does not address. It is also the territory that determines whether the change lasts.
What GLP-1 Medications Do – and What They Don’t
What the medication does
GLP-1 medications work on the biology of hunger, appetite signaling, and metabolic regulation. They are powerful, evidence-based tools that have helped millions of people experience meaningful change in their physical health.
What the medication doesn’t do
It does not address:
- The emotional patterns that made food a primary coping tool
- The beliefs about your body, worth, and discipline that took years to form
- The identity adjustment that comes with significant physical change
- The behavioral foundations that determine whether results last
- The grief, fear, or ambivalence that often accompany the experience
These are psychological tasks. They require psychological work.
The Identity Shift No One Warns You About
When the body changes faster than the self-image inside it, the experience can feel quietly disorienting. Many people describe:
- Catching their reflection and not recognizing themselves
- Receiving compliments that feel uncomfortable or hollow
- Continuing to think, dress, and behave as their previous body
- Wondering who they are without the relationship to food they had before
- Feeling exposed in ways they did not anticipate
The internal narrative does not automatically update with the number on the scale. That update is something a person has to do consciously, with care – and often with support.
When Food Has Been More Than Food
For many people, food has done more than nourish. It has soothed, regulated, comforted, distracted, celebrated, and connected. When a GLP-1 medication reduces appetite, the practical access to food changes – but the emotional architecture underneath does not disappear with it.
People often describe surfacing feelings they had not realized food was managing:
- Anxiety that no longer has its usual outlet
- Loneliness that becomes louder in the absence of comfort eating
- Stress that needs a new home
- Boredom, sadness, or restlessness with nowhere familiar to go
This is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a sign that the deeper work is ready to be done.
Why Relapse Prevention Matters
Research has shown that a significant portion of weight lost through GLP-1 medications can return within one to two years of discontinuation – not because the medication “failed,” but because the psychological and behavioral foundations underneath the biology were not built during treatment.
This is the heart of relapse prevention work: building the internal tools, coping strategies, and self-understanding that make change durable – independent of any prescription.
Introducing: Life After Ozempic — A Group at Marina Edelman
Life After Ozempic: GLP-1 Relapse Prevention & Lasting Change is a clinically facilitated group at Marina Edelman designed for individuals using – or transitioning off – GLP-1 medications.
This is not a diet program. It is not a nutrition plan. It is not medical weight management. It is the psychological, emotional, and identity work that determines whether GLP-1-assisted change becomes a genuine, lasting transformation or a cycle that begins again.
Format: Weekly group sessions, in-person and virtual options Group size: Small and intentionally limited Who it’s for: Anyone at any stage of GLP-1 treatment – starting, mid-journey, transitioning off, or maintaining results
You May Belong in This Group If…
- You are using or have used a GLP-1 medication and want psychological support alongside the physical changes
- Food has been a primary coping mechanism, and you are not sure how to manage without it in the way you used to
- You have strong feelings about using medication for weight management that you have never fully examined
- You are concerned about what happens emotionally and behaviorally when the medication ends or becomes unavailable
- Your body is changing faster than your self-image, and the disconnect is disorienting
- You want tools beyond the prescription to support lasting change
If any of this resonates, this group was built for the territory you are in.
What This Group Provides
- Relapse prevention – Evidence-based strategies for sustaining behavioral change before, during, and after GLP-1 treatment
- Emotional eating support – Understanding the role food has played and building alternative coping tools
- Body image & identity work – Processing the psychological experience of significant physical change
- Self-worth & shame work – Addressing deeply held beliefs about body, worth, and discipline
- Sustainable habit building – Creating psychological foundations that do not depend on a prescription
- Community – The shared experience of GLP-1 use is still new and often isolating. This group changes that.
What This Group Is Not
This distinction matters:
- ❌ Not a diet program
- ❌ Not a nutrition plan
- ❌ Not medical weight management
- ❌ Not a place where medications are prescribed
- ❌ Not focused on numbers, targets, or meal plans
This is clinical psychological support – the work no prescription can supply on its own.
Why Clients Choose Marina Edelman
- ✅ A team of MFTs with decades of combined clinical experience
- ✅ Evidence-based, judgment-free care
- ✅ In-person and secure virtual options across California
- ✅ Specialization in body image, identity, emotional eating, and behavior change
- ✅ A clinically structured environment with the warmth of true community
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I need to be currently taking a GLP-1 medication to join this group?
No. This group is designed for individuals at every stage of the GLP-1 journey – whether you are just beginning, mid-treatment, transitioning off, or working to maintain results long after discontinuing. The psychological and behavioral work is relevant regardless of where you are in your medication timeline.
Is this group a diet program or a nutrition plan?
No – and this distinction is important. This is a clinically facilitated psychological support community, not a diet program or medical weight management service. The group does not prescribe medications, provide meal plans, or offer medical advice. It provides the psychological, emotional, and behavioral work that makes physical change last.
What does “relapse prevention” mean here?
In this context, relapse prevention refers to the psychological and behavioral work of reducing the risk of regain after GLP-1 treatment ends. Research suggests that a meaningful portion of weight lost through GLP-1 medication is regained within one to two years of discontinuation, largely because the psychological and behavioral patterns underneath were not addressed. This group builds the internal tools that make results last.
Is everything shared in the group confidential?
Yes. Confidentiality is foundational to clinically facilitated group work. Members agree to confidentiality, and the group is professionally guided by a licensed therapist.
What if I have a complicated relationship with food or my body?
Many people who use GLP-1 medications also have a complicated history with food, body image, or self-worth. The group addresses these experiences directly with clinical care. If a more individualized level of support is needed, our team can recommend the right combination of group and individual therapy.
How do I join?
Reach out through Marina Edelman’s contact page. Enrollment begins with clicking this link with no obligation. Group size is intentionally limited to protect the intimacy and safety of the space, so availability may be limited. Call us at (818) 964-1806 or reach out through our contact page. We will respond promptly and handle your inquiry with the discretion it deserves.
The Work That Makes the Change Last
GLP-1 medications have opened a door. What you build on the other side of that door is what determines whether the change lasts.
If you are doing the medication piece but sensing that something deeper is being asked of you – the identity work, the relationship with food, the internal narrative, the foundations – that instinct is worth listening to.
👉 Learn more about the Life After Ozempic group – or reach out for a brief, no-pressure conversation about whether the group is the right fit for where you are.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jun 4, 2026 | affair
Finding the right support after betrayal trauma
Discovering a partner’s compulsive cheating behavior or physical touch addiction is one of the most destabilizing experiences a person can face. In a single moment, the relationship you trusted, the future you planned, and the identity you built alongside a partner can feel completely dismantled. If you are searching for the best betrayal trauma therapist in Thousand Oaks, Westlake Village, or anywhere in California, you are likely already in the middle of one of the hardest seasons of your life — and the specialist you choose matters more than most people realize.
Betrayal trauma is not simply a relationship problem. Research consistently shows it mirrors the symptoms of PTSD: intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, sleep disruption, and a profound loss of self-trust. An experienced betrayal trauma specialist understands this distinction and works accordingly — not just addressing the relationship, but helping you stabilize, grieve, and rebuild from the inside out.
When evaluating a trusted affair recovery expert or couples therapist for this kind of work, look for clinicians trained in trauma-informed models (EMDR, EFT, somatic approaches), familiarity with the specific dynamics of cheating addiction , and a structured, phased approach to healing. Group therapy options can also be a powerful complement to individual work, offering community, reduced isolation, and a space to reclaim your voice alongside others who truly understand.
This guide highlights five professionals in the Conejo Valley and broader California area doing exceptional work in this space — starting with the practice we consider the strongest option for structured, evidence-based support.
1. Marina Edelman, LMFT — Relationship & Marriage Counselor in California
If you are looking for an experienced betrayal trauma specialist in Westlake Village or Thousand Oaks, Marina Edelman, LMFT is widely regarded as one of the most skilled and structurally rigorous therapists in the region.
Marina Edelman is the founder of TrueMe Counseling, a practice built around one of the most clinically underserved intersections in therapy: the partner of someone with compulsive cheating behavior. Her work is grounded in the understanding that partners are not codependents — they are trauma survivors — and her treatment model reflects that fully.
What sets her apart is the integration of multiple evidence-based modalities into a cohesive framework. Drawing from the Gottman Method’s research on relationship repair, Emotionally Focused Therapy’s focus on attachment security, and AEDP’s emphasis on transformative healing through emotional processing, Marina offers couples and individuals a pathway that is both structured and deeply attuned.
A flagship offering at Marina Edelman, LMFT and TrueMe Counseling is a closed, confidential group program for women who have discovered or been told about a partner’s compulsive cheating behavior. This 10-week, trauma-informed group — capped at 10 members — provides a rare combination of clinical structure, peer support, and a carefully sequenced curriculum designed to move participants from crisis stabilization through grief, identity reclamation, and forward-looking clarity.
“You didn’t cause it. You can’t cure it. And you deserve to heal.”
Credentials & approach
- License: Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT)
- Specializations: Betrayal trauma, affair recovery, affair recovery, couples therapy, premarital counseling, anxiety
- Therapeutic approaches: Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Attachment-based therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), AEDP
- Serves: Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, and throughout California (telehealth available)
- Website: www.marinaedelman.com
Partner support group
This is one of the most affordable and clinically structured betrayal trauma group programs available in the Conejo Valley. It is designed specifically for spouses and long-term partners who have discovered or been told about a partner’s compulsive cheating behavior.
- Format: Closed group — members begin and complete the journey together
- Sessions: 10 sessions, 90 minutes each
- Day & time: Tuesdays, 6:30–8:00 PM
- Group size: Maximum 10 members
- Cost: $40 per session
- Requirement: Individual therapy or a screening call is required before joining
10-week curriculum
- Weeks 1–2: Understanding betrayal trauma & breaking isolation
- Weeks 3–4: Establishing safety — boundaries & self-protection
- Weeks 5–6: Grief, anger, and what healthy mourning looks like
- Weeks 7–8: Identity reclamation — who are you beyond this pain?
- Weeks 9–10: Decision-making & building your future with clarity
Who is this best suited for?
This group and practice is best suited for spouses and long-term partners of individuals with compulsive cheating behavior who are ready for structured, peer-supported healing — whether they are still in the relationship or navigating what comes next. Marina’s individual therapy practice also serves couples seeking affair recovery, communication repair, and premarital counseling throughout California.
Interested in the group or individual therapy? Visit www.marinaedelman.com to learn more or schedule directly here.
Other recommended specialists in the area
The following clinicians are experienced practitioners offering quality services in overlapping areas. Depending on your specific needs, one of these specialists may also be a strong fit.
2. Cheryl Baldi, LMFT — Individuals, Couples, Families & Trauma
Cheryl Baldi is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology. Her approach is rooted in empathy and positive regard, blending CBT, Gottman, Imago, Solution-Focused, and Family Systems modalities into an individualized treatment plan tailored to each client’s needs.
She works with clients navigating anxiety, depression, couples discord, hopelessness, and patterns of behavior that prevent a fuller, more peaceful life. Her collaborative style focuses on uncovering unhealthy patterns, building coping skills, and creating practical tools that give clients a genuine sense of mastery over their lives.
- Specializations: Anxiety, depression, couples discord, trauma, family issues
- Therapeutic approaches: CBT, Gottman Method, Imago, Solution-Focused Therapy, Family Systems
- Best fit for: Individuals, couples, or families seeking a warm, collaborative therapist with a broad clinical skillset and a focus on practical, goal-oriented progress.
3. Dr. Rachel Chistyakov, PsyD, LMFT — Trauma, Kids & Teens, Families & Couples
Dr. Rachel Chistyakov brings a doctorate-level, multi-modal approach to healing centered on connection, collaboration, and emotional insight. With children and teenagers, she integrates art therapy and play therapy alongside CBT to make sessions engaging and effective. For couples and families, she draws on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Imago Relationship Therapy to strengthen connection and deepen empathy.
For individuals dealing with depression, anxiety, and PTSD, she combines somatic therapy and EMDR with various talk-therapy modalities to provide comprehensive, layered treatment.
- Specializations: Trauma, PTSD, kids & teens, couples, families, depression, anxiety
- Therapeutic approaches: EMDR, EFT, Imago, somatic therapy, art therapy, play therapy, CBT
- Best fit for: Clients seeking a doctorate-level clinician for trauma processing (especially PTSD), families with children or teens, or couples wanting EFT-based work.
4. Chris Calandra, AMFT — Individuals, Couples, Men’s Issues & Substance Abuse
Chris Calandra is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist offering a grounded, non-judgmental space for individuals and couples ready for meaningful change. His approach is practical and collaborative, with particular depth in men’s issues, anxiety, addiction, and relationship tension.
He works especially well with clients who are tired of surface-level advice and ready to dive into real, personalized work — getting clear on what’s working, what isn’t, and how to reconnect with the version of themselves they want to be.
- Specializations: Anxiety, addiction, substance abuse, men’s issues, relationship tension
- Best fit for: Individuals (particularly men) navigating anxiety, addiction, or relationship strain who want a practical, no-jargon therapeutic experience.
Frequently asked questions
How do I find the best betrayal trauma therapist in Thousand Oaks or Westlake Village?
Start by looking for a licensed therapist (LMFT, LCSW, or licensed psychologist) who explicitly lists betrayal trauma or partners of cheating addiction as a specialization — not just general couples therapy. Ask whether they use trauma-informed models such as EMDR or EFT, and whether they have experience distinguishing partner trauma from codependency. Reading client reviews, checking Psychology Today profiles, and scheduling a free consultation call are all reliable ways to assess fit before committing.
What should I expect from a betrayal support group?
A well-structured partner support group is focused on you — not on the addicted partner. Expect a trauma-informed environment where you can process shock, grief, anger, and confusion alongside others who have had similar experiences. Good groups are small (typically 6–10 members), closed-format, professionally facilitated, and follow a curriculum that moves from stabilization through to identity rebuilding and future planning. They are not substitutes for individual therapy but work powerfully alongside it.
How long does betrayal trauma recovery usually take?
There is no universal timeline, but most clinicians frame initial stabilization at 3–6 months, with deeper grief and identity work extending 12–24 months depending on the severity of the betrayal, the client’s history, and whether couples work is also happening simultaneously. Structured group programs like a 10-week curriculum are a useful starting point — they provide enough depth to create real movement while giving you a clear, contained commitment to begin with.
Is a support group for partners who experiences betrayal worth it?
For most partners, group work is not just beneficial — it is often transformative in ways individual therapy cannot replicate alone. The isolation of this specific experience is profound; many partners describe feeling that no one in their lives can truly understand what they are going through. Being in a room with others who do understand, facilitated by a clinician trained in this area, significantly reduces shame, normalizes the trauma response, and accelerates healing.
How much does a betrayal trauma support group cost in Thousand Oaks or Westlake Village?
Group therapy is typically far more affordable than individual sessions. In the Conejo Valley area, professionally facilitated partner support groups range from approximately $40–$100 per session. TrueMe Counseling’s 10-week program is offered at $40 per session — making it one of the most accessible structured options in the region. Individual therapy for betrayal trauma typically ranges from $150–$250 per session in this area.
When should a partner of a cheating addict seek professional help?
The short answer: sooner than feels necessary. Many partners wait months — or years — in a state of hypervigilance, trying to manage a situation that genuinely requires professional support. If you are experiencing intrusive thoughts, difficulty sleeping, emotional numbness, rage cycles, or a profound loss of identity and self-trust, those are clinical symptoms of betrayal trauma — not personal weakness. Seeking help is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It is a recognition of what has been done to you, and the first step toward reclaiming yourself.
Conclusion for Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal trauma from a partner’s cheating addiction is not a crisis you simply recover from on your own timeline. It requires the right support structure — a clinician who understands the specific dynamics of this experience, a framework that honors your trauma without pathologizing your response, and often a community of people who can reflect your experience back to you without judgment.
The specialists listed in this guide represent some of the most skilled clinicians working in this space in the Conejo Valley and broader California area. Whether you are just beginning to process what has happened or you are months into the journey and looking for a more structured path forward, there is a right kind of support for where you are right now.
For those seeking a structured, research-backed starting point with a community component, Marina Edelman’s 10-week partner support group at TrueMe Counseling is an exceptional option — particularly for women in the Thousand Oaks and Westlake Village area. With a curriculum designed to move you from crisis to clarity, a trauma-informed clinical framework, and a small-group format that prioritizes confidentiality, it offers both the depth and the safety this kind of healing requires.
You didn’t cause it. You can’t cure it. And you deserve to heal. The first step is simply reaching out — visit www.marinaedelman.com to learn more or schedule a call.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Apr 13, 2026 | Blog
What Predicts Whether a Couple Survives Infidelity
It is not the strength of the relationship before the infidelity — it is the courage of the response after it.
Contrary to common assumptions, couples who survive infidelity are not necessarily those with the strongest relationships prior to betrayal.
They are the couples willing to engage in the most difficult emotional work afterward.
Key Predictors of Infidelity Recovery
Avoiding minimization and fully acknowledging impact
Understanding underlying relational dynamics
Trust is reconstructed through repeated, consistent behavior
Both partners engage emotionally in the repair process
What Does Not Predict Recovery
- longevity of the relationship
- intensity of prior love
- absence of conflict
The Role of Emotional Safety
Recovery depends on restoring a sense of safety—not just ending the affair.
- Crisis stabilization
- Meaning-making
- Reconnection
Couples Therapist in California
Marina Edelman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of TrueMe® Counseling, a couples and relationship therapy practice serving clients in Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, and throughout California.
Marina specializes in couples therapy, affair recovery, and relationship repair, drawing on a carefully integrated set of evidence-based approaches:
Her counseling is best suited for couples and individuals seeking structured, research-backed support for relationship repair, affair recovery, anxiety, communication challenges, and premarital or marriage counseling — in person or via telehealth across California.
As a Founder of TrueMe Counseling, Marina proudly works with the following therapists with additional specialties:
These therapists see clients in Culver City, and Westlake Village Office as well as virtually all throughout California.
Individuals | Grief | Families | Trauma
Cheryl Baldi is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology who works with individuals, couples, and families in a warm, empathetic, and collaborative environment.
Specializations: Anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, hopelessness, and family systems.
Best suited for: Individuals who feel stuck in unhealthy patterns and are looking for a compassionate, strengths-based therapist to help them build practical tools and reclaim a more peaceful life.
Trauma | Kids & Teens | Families
Dr. Rachel Chistyakov brings both doctoral-level training in psychology and LMFT licensure to her work with couples, families, children, and individuals. Her practice centers on healing, connection, and emotional insight.
Specializations: Trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression, family therapy, and specialized work with children and teenagers.
Best suited for: Individuals and families seeking a highly credentialed therapist with broad clinical range, including parents looking for specialized support for children and adolescents.
Individuals | Men's Issues | Substance Abuse
Chris Calandra is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist offering grounded, non-judgmental support to individuals and couples navigating anxiety, relationship tension, addiction, and feeling stuck.
Specializations: Anxiety, substance use and addiction, relationship issues, and men's mental health.
Best suited for: Individuals who want direct, down-to-earth support and are ready to do meaningful work. Particularly well-suited for men who may be approaching therapy for the first time.
Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy
Explore answers to frequently asked questions about the benefits and processes of couples therapy.
What issues can couples therapy help with?
Couples therapy can help with communication issues, emotional disconnection, infidelity, and conflict patterns.
Is online therapy effective?
Yes—research shows online therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions for many couples.
What approach do you use?
I integrate Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method, both research-backed approaches.
Healing is less about returning to what existed before—and more about creating a different, more secure relational dynamic.
You’re not just choosing a partner—you’re choosing the emotional environment you live in.
If your relationship feels disconnected, stuck, or uncertain, therapy can help you understand what’s happening and how to move forward.
Learn more or schedule a consultation at MarinaEdelman.com
Rebuild Emotional Intimacy Today
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Apr 10, 2026 | Blog, couples, couples counseling, love, marriage
Why People Stay After Infidelity: A Psychological Perspective on Attachment and Betrayal
Staying after infidelity is not irrational—it is deeply human.
Infidelity is often viewed in binary terms: leave or stay. Yet for those inside the experience, the decision is rarely simple.
From a psychological perspective, infidelity is not just a breach of trust. It is an attachment injury—one that disrupts a person’s sense of safety, identity, and emotional grounding within the relationship.
Infidelity as an Attachment Injury
Attachment theory helps explain why betrayal feels so destabilizing.
Romantic relationships function as primary attachment bonds in adulthood. When that bond is violated, the nervous system responds similarly to other forms of relational trauma—through heightened anxiety, vigilance, or withdrawal.
Why People Stay after Infidelity
Emotional attachment persists even in the presence of betrayal.
Ending the relationship often means losing a shared life structure, future plans, and identity.
Children, finances, and community ties introduce additional layers of complexity.
Long-term relationships become intertwined with one’s sense of self.
The Emotional Paradox of Staying
Individuals often experience:
- simultaneous love and anger
- hope alongside profound distrust
- a desire for repair coupled with fear of further harm
When Staying Becomes Harmful
Without structured repair, staying can reinforce:
- chronic hypervigilance
- emotional dysregulation
- repeated cycles of conflict
What Healing Actually Requires
Research-informed approaches emphasize:
- accountability from the partner who violated trust
- transparency and consistency
- emotional processing of the injury
- rebuilding of secure attachment
Can Relationships Recover after Infidelity?
Yes—but recovery is not passive. It is an active, structured process that unfolds over time.
Couples Therapist in California
Marina Edelman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of TrueMe® Counseling, a couples and relationship therapy practice serving clients in Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, and throughout California.
Marina specializes in couples therapy, affair recovery, and relationship repair, drawing on a carefully integrated set of evidence-based approaches:
Her counseling is best suited for couples and individuals seeking structured, research-backed support for relationship repair, affair recovery, anxiety, communication challenges, and premarital or marriage counseling — in person or via telehealth across California.
As a Founder of TrueMe Counseling, Marina proudly works with the following therapists with additional specialties:
These therapists see clients in Culver City, and Westlake Village Office as well as virtually all throughout California.
Individuals | Grief | Families | Trauma
Cheryl Baldi is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology who works with individuals, couples, and families in a warm, empathetic, and collaborative environment.
Specializations: Anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, hopelessness, and family systems.
Best suited for: Individuals who feel stuck in unhealthy patterns and are looking for a compassionate, strengths-based therapist to help them build practical tools and reclaim a more peaceful life.
Trauma | Kids & Teens | Families
Dr. Rachel Chistyakov brings both doctoral-level training in psychology and LMFT licensure to her work with couples, families, children, and individuals. Her practice centers on healing, connection, and emotional insight.
Specializations: Trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression, family therapy, and specialized work with children and teenagers.
Best suited for: Individuals and families seeking a highly credentialed therapist with broad clinical range, including parents looking for specialized support for children and adolescents.
Individuals | Men's Issues | Substance Abuse
Chris Calandra is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist offering grounded, non-judgmental support to individuals and couples navigating anxiety, relationship tension, addiction, and feeling stuck.
Specializations: Anxiety, substance use and addiction, relationship issues, and men's mental health.
Best suited for: Individuals who want direct, down-to-earth support and are ready to do meaningful work. Particularly well-suited for men who may be approaching therapy for the first time.
Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy
Explore answers to frequently asked questions about the benefits and processes of couples therapy.
What issues can couples therapy help with?
Couples therapy can help with communication issues, emotional disconnection, infidelity, and conflict patterns.
Is online therapy effective?
Yes—research shows online therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions for many couples.
What approach do you use?
I integrate Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method, both research-backed approaches.
The question is not simply whether to stay—but whether the relationship can transform into something emotionally safe again.
If you are navigating infidelity, structured support can make the difference between prolonged distress and meaningful repair.
Learn more or schedule a consultation at MarinaEdelman.com
Rebuild Emotional Intimacy Today
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Apr 6, 2026 | Uncategorized
When “Normal” Isn’t Healthy: Subtle Signs of Loneliness in Relationships
Sharing a life with someone doesn't protect you from loneliness — sometimes it makes it harder to name.
Loneliness in romantic relationships is one of the most misunderstood forms of disconnection. It rarely presents as dramatic conflict or obvious dissatisfaction. More often, it emerges quietly—embedded in patterns couples gradually come to accept as “normal.”
In my work as a couples therapist in Westlake Village and Thousand Oaks, I often meet couples who describe their relationship as stable, even functional. Yet beneath that stability is a persistent sense of emotional absence—of not being fully seen, known, or responded to by their partner.
This kind of loneliness is not about physical presence. It is about emotional attunement.
What Loneliness in a Relationship Actually Means
From an attachment perspective, humans are wired for connection—not just proximity, but responsiveness.
Emotional loneliness develops when:
- bids for connection are missed or dismissed
- vulnerability is not met with engagement
- emotional experiences go unacknowledged
Over time, the nervous system begins to interpret the relationship as emotionally unsafe—not in a dramatic sense, but in a chronic, low-grade way.
From an attachment perspective, humans are wired for connection—not just proximity, but responsiveness.
Emotional loneliness develops when:
- bids for connection are missed or dismissed
- vulnerability is not met with engagement
- emotional experiences go unacknowledged
Over time, the nervous system begins to interpret the relationship as emotionally unsafe—not in a dramatic sense, but in a chronic, low-grade way.
The Subtle Behaviors That Signal Disconnection and Loneliness
These patterns are often minimized because they do not appear overtly harmful. Yet they are highly predictive of long-term relational dissatisfaction.
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Communication shifts toward logistics—schedules, responsibilities, tasks—while emotional dialogue fades.
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Partners stop bringing emotional experiences to each other, a concept identified in Gottman research as critical to connection.
Phones, work, or external engagements begin to replace relational interaction—not consciously, but adaptively.
Touch becomes less frequent and less emotionally meaningful.
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Loneliness often manifests as frustration, not sadness, leading to misinterpretation between partners.
The relationship continues functionally, but lacks emotional intimacy.
Why Couples Normalize These Patterns
Humans adapt quickly. When emotional disconnection develops gradually, couples often recalibrate their expectations rather than addressing the change.
This is how loneliness becomes embedded—not through crisis, but through accommodation.
The Psychological Impact of Chronic Disconnection
Over time, emotional loneliness can lead to:
- increased anxiety or avoidance within the relationship
- diminished sense of relational security
- vulnerability to external emotional attachments
- long-term erosion of satisfaction
Rebuilding Emotional Connection
Reconnection requires more than increased time together. It requires:
- renewed emotional responsiveness
- intentional engagement with vulnerability
- consistent repair of missed connection moments
In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), this process involves identifying and restructuring the emotional patterns that maintain disconnection.
Couples Therapist in California
Marina Edelman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of TrueMe® Counseling, a couples and relationship therapy practice serving clients in Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, and throughout California.
Marina specializes in couples therapy, affair recovery, and relationship repair, drawing on a carefully integrated set of evidence-based approaches:
Her counseling is best suited for couples and individuals seeking structured, research-backed support for relationship repair, affair recovery, anxiety, communication challenges, and premarital or marriage counseling — in person or via telehealth across California.
As a Founder of TrueMe Counseling, Marina proudly works with the following therapists with additional specialties:
These therapists see clients in Culver City, and Westlake Village Office as well as virtually all throughout California.
Individuals | Grief | Families | Trauma
Cheryl Baldi is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology who works with individuals, couples, and families in a warm, empathetic, and collaborative environment.
Specializations: Anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, hopelessness, and family systems.
Best suited for: Individuals who feel stuck in unhealthy patterns and are looking for a compassionate, strengths-based therapist to help them build practical tools and reclaim a more peaceful life.
Trauma | Kids & Teens | Families
Dr. Rachel Chistyakov brings both doctoral-level training in psychology and LMFT licensure to her work with couples, families, children, and individuals. Her practice centers on healing, connection, and emotional insight.
Specializations: Trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression, family therapy, and specialized work with children and teenagers.
Best suited for: Individuals and families seeking a highly credentialed therapist with broad clinical range, including parents looking for specialized support for children and adolescents.
Individuals | Men's Issues | Substance Abuse
Chris Calandra is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist offering grounded, non-judgmental support to individuals and couples navigating anxiety, relationship tension, addiction, and feeling stuck.
Specializations: Anxiety, substance use and addiction, relationship issues, and men's mental health.
Best suited for: Individuals who want direct, down-to-earth support and are ready to do meaningful work. Particularly well-suited for men who may be approaching therapy for the first time.
Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy
Explore answers to frequently asked questions about the benefits and processes of couples therapy.
What issues can couples therapy help with?
Couples therapy can help with communication issues, emotional disconnection, infidelity, and conflict patterns.
Is online therapy effective?
Yes—research shows online therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions for many couples.
What approach do you use?
I integrate Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method, both research-backed approaches.
Loneliness in relationships is not a sign that something is irreparably broken. It is a signal that connection has been disrupted—and that repair is possible.
If your relationship feels emotionally distant, therapy can help you understand why—and guide you in rebuilding connection.
Learn more or schedule a consultation at MarinaEdelman.com
Rebuild Emotional Intimacy Today
