by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Dec 6, 2016 | anxiety, Blog
Managing Stress Over The Holidays
The holidays provide us with a valuable opportunity to spend time with friends and family, but they can also provide us with a great deal of anxiety and stress. Fortunately, there are a few ways to reduce the level of strain that we place on our mind states during the holidays, so be sure to read on and learn more.
Ditch The Perfectionism
There is a pervasive sense that the holidays have to unfold perfectly or else they are a failure. However, even the best laid plans tend to go awry and by allowing yourself to let go of the idea that things can be “perfect”, you are able to embrace all of the best aspects of the season, as opposed to worrying yourself sick trying to live up to some ideal that doesn’t even exist.
Don’t become excessively focused on the result. Train your focus on the process and enjoy every minute of it. Even if things do not go the exact way that you expect, you can still derive maximum happiness from your holiday season. After all, the destination is never as important as the journey that you will take to get there.
Be Grateful
The holidays only come once a year and the ability to regularly spend time with our loved ones is something that we tend to lose out on as we grow older. That is why we need to be truly grateful during this time of year, especially when we find ourselves becoming stressed out and anxious. Stress and anxiety only serves to keep us from the true meaning of the season.
Taking the holidays for granted is how stress ends up being magnified. When you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, stop and take a moment to think about your true objectives. Chances are, they have very little to do with buying the nicest gifts or preparing the fanciest meal.
Make a Budget and Stick To It
When it comes time for your holiday shopping, it is in your best interests to make a budget and stick to it, so that you are not spending money that you do not have and causing additional stress and anxiety. Making a list of each person that you have to purchase a gift for is a great way to keep spending to a minimum.
Truly savvy shoppers who wish to avoid stress will even start their shopping early. There are a plethora of after holiday sales that can get you started for the next year and by keeping your eyes peeled throughout the year, you can significantly reduce the amount of work that you will need to do once December rolls around. As an added bonus, you can also reduce those unsightly credit card bills that arrive in your mailbox come January.
https://www.new.truemecounseling.com
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Nov 17, 2016 | Blog, couples
When we are in a relationship with our spouse or significant other, we often fall into the trap of believing that it is supposed to be hard. After all, anything worth having is worth working for, right? Couples who have begun to struggle start to think that relationships are meant to be hard, until they realize that there are a number of simple solutions available.
Marriage counseling is always a great way to mend any fences that have been damaged in a relationship. Relationships can seem difficult when we are the ones who are forced to deal with the ups and downs on an everyday basis, since it can become hard to see the bigger picture. Being immersed in the smaller details of a relationship has a way of doing that to us.
By being willing to head to counseling and engage in therapy, we can learn more about our relationship from an outsider’s perspective. A marriage or relationship counselor is not there to take sides or assign blame to one party or another. Their job is to listen to what both sides have to say and provide them with the tools that they need to make their future disagreements more productive.
Having a relationship that is 100 percent free of arguments is essentially impossible and there is no real way to do so. Arguments are how couples grow together and learn more about one another, as opposed to couples who avoid them completely, allowing themselves to slowly grow apart over the course of their relationship.
Therapy teaches us how to have these arguments in a way that helps us to better understand each other and it also teaches us how to walk a mile in the other person’s shoes. We often lack a certain amount of empathy in our relationships and when we engage in therapeutic exercises, it gives us the chance to take a look at things through our partner’s point of view.
Relationships do not have to be hard, but that does not mean that either member of a couple should expect their relationship to run smoothly without putting in any sort of effort. Couples who wish to make their efforts count should rely on the assistance of an experienced therapist, so that they can sort through all of their assorted feelings and emotions without endangering the connection that they’ve built.
If you find that you and your significant other or spouse is struggling to communicate, you’ll want to make changes immediately. Don’t make the mistake of believing that you can work through every problem without assistance. We all need help sometimes and with couples therapy, the issues that you are currently going through can become a thing of the past.
https://www.new.truemecounseling.com/couples-counseling/
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Nov 3, 2016 | Blog, Uncategorized
For many of us, feelings of being overwhelmed are all too common and when we allow our to do list to grow too long, we can become confused or even bewildered. Fortunately, there are a variety of ways to reduce these feelings and make them a thing of the past. Read on to learn more about the following helpful tips that will allow you to properly prioritize.
Create a List
Creating a to do list is an important first step that gives you the chance to prioritize before you’ve even had a chance to become overwhelmed. By listing your tasks in a manner that indicates which ones are most crucial, you can tackle your biggest issues first and avoid the issues that come with procrastination. Procrastination is often borne out of indecision and creating a to do list also gives us a great sense of accomplishment as we cross each off each individual item.
Multitasking Is a No No
While multitasking gives us a sense that we are accomplishing more, this is an illusion, an illusion that causes us to lose sight of the tasks that are most pivotal. When we attempt to multitask, we lose focus on the task at hand and our efforts become subpar as a result. In some instances, we are then forced to go back and re-do an item on our to do list, as opposed to being able to cross it off for good.
Play To Your Strengths
If there are certain tasks that you know you are more equipped to handle, these should be taken care of immediately, so you can start the ball rolling in a positive direction. This also keeps you from making the mistake of saving the simplest tasks for last. Tackling the tougher tasks once the easier ones have been completed gives us more time to take care of them, without having to feel overwhelmed.
Delegate When Possible
There is nothing wrong with asking for help and when we refuse to do so, we are placing our own backs against the wall in a needless manner. Regardless of what you are attempting to accomplish, there is nothing wrong with asking for assistance when needed. Prioritizing is not just about creating a to do list and checking off each item, it is about completing each task in the best possible way, without focusing on who gets the credit.
Give Yourself Breathing Room
When you have a variety of different tasks to accomplish, don’t make a plan for every single of the day. Be sure to give yourself plenty of breathing room in case things go wrong. There are always going to be factors that are beyond your control and by giving yourself breathing room, you can avoid feelings of being overwhelmed when they do.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Mar 21, 2016 | Blog, Uncategorized
Accountability partner is exactly what it sounds like. Recent article outlining what self made millionaires have in common, identified accountability partners as one of the the things they all shared (to read more https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/man-spent-5-years-studying-163000058.html). Engaging a neutral party to help you accomplish goals and keep you motivated is void of shame, disappointment and resentment. Key to success is being surrounded by people who hold you accountable and strategies with you to overcome obstacles.
Let me introduce you to your opponent. Not sure you have one, well then listen to the voice in your head that tells you to procrastinate, avoid working out and not to call your mother. They don’t call it a game of life for nothing. We are born with an opponent whose job it is to make us stronger and better but just like with any competition there will be trash talk and sabotage. Think of every day as a new game and from the morning decide who will win you or the opponent. Need extra help? Well that is where the accountability partner comes in. Although that person is great for getting started, but (s)he really comes in handy when your opponent tries to derail you from whatever you’re working on. You probably won’t see it coming, and that’s the moment when accountability truly becomes invaluable.
Top 5 qualities to look for in choosing someone to join you on your success journey:
- They must be reliable, available, and responsive.
- Honest and direct feedback is crucial.
- They can put aside their agenda and not be judgmental.
- Patience is key here.
- They must attune to your needs and remember what you want them to hold you accountable for.
Our work together will first begin by defining accountability to make sure your needs are met. We will then define your ultimate goal and set benchmarks. At specific intervals we will review accomplishments and missteps. By attuning to your decision making process as well as motivation I will be able to tease out your strengths and weaknesses. The new found awareness will empower you to achieve your desired results.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Nov 30, 2015 | anxiety, Blog
“You are suggesting mediocracy!?” bellows my client with an anxiety disorder. We are taught to do our best in school; our coaches suggest for us to try our hardest; and society suggests striving for perfect looks. So when I introduce the concept of “good enough”, whether in parenting, career, or relationships, my clients usually balk at the notion.
Their reluctance to pull back is understandable, striving for perfectionism has been rewarded in the past. Worry and stress has resulted in success before, so why should they settle for second best. Anxiety is usually defined as a feeling of excessive worry, nervousness, or apprehension, usually associated with an upcoming event or something with an uncertain outcome. It makes an overachiever try their hardest to achieve the best result. There is nothing wrong with trying your best until, that is, your nervous system sends you signals to stop.
If you were an athlete training for a marathon you would push yourself beyond your comfort zone but also listen to your body for signs of overexertion. Your body will let you know when to modify your training in forms of achs or pain. Your mind does the same but with more subtlety. For instance, you will wake up in the middle of the night with your mind racing about things to do. Or, you will ruminate about something you said or did. At times you will develop irrational fears. These symptoms and more are all your mind’s way of asking you to make changes.
Is there a trade of? Ofcourse! The benefits of perfectionism is that you throw the best parties, everything always gets done, people are never disappointed, etc. The benefit of adopting the “good enough” philosophy is that you can enjoy your life more, you will be present with loved ones, your body and mind will be at peace.
People with anxiety usually struggle with priorities or know when to stop. When they cross one task of the list they pile on two more – sound familiar? Here are tips to try now:
- Set a reasonable amount of time aside to work on a task. When the time expires stop working regardless if you feel you are done or not.
- Do a reality check by asking yourself “what’s the worst thing that can happen”.
- Own your inner critic. We usually are critical of others, by keeping that in check we become gentler with ourselves.
- Allow and expect surprise mistakes.
- Try new things that are not always efficient or effective like a new route to a familiar place.
Meditation, proper diet, and exercise will help symptoms of anxiety. Therapy is a very effective tool in helping with restructuring your thoughts, gaining awareness of your actions, and reducing feelings of worry and stress. For more information visit https://www.new.truemecounseling.com/anxiety/
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Aug 5, 2015 | Blog
[heading animation=”” color=”” type=”1″ align=”left”]Are you being fake or trying to modify your behavior[/heading]
The Atlantic recently tweeted about Drake, Taylor Swift, and why it pays to be fake. The article focuses on being a celebrity but the concept is worth examining. Acting “as if” is a common therapeutic intervention used to modify behavior. The intervention is simple, we can create new circumstances by acting “as if” they already exist; for example, we can be confident by acting as if we are confident. It sounds very simple and magical, however practiced in conjunction with other cognitive behavioral tools it can be very effective. This principal is useful to couples who want to create relationship 2.0 or individuals who are ready to replace their non-effective coping tools.
Acting “as-if” is a powerful tool if used properly. Here is DIY list:
- Identify what you want to change
- Determine what actions, thoughts, and feelings are related to your change
- Pretend to be the person who already has what you want is what you want to be. For example, what would a person who is happy be doing? How would she think and feel?
Fake it till you make is an old concept. Think about it, since it’s been around for so long maybe there is some legitimacy to it. You have nothing to lose but old habits!
