How Cell Phones Influence Adolescent Development

How Cell Phones Influence Adolescent Development

Guest Blogger and associate Fred Rosenbloom weighs in on adolescents and cell phones.

How Cell Phones Influence Adolescent Development

I consider myself an early adopter of technology, meaning that I’m usually one of the first persons to learn about or use new technology.  With that being said, it may sound surprising that I spent the majority of my childhood without a cell phone and without the internet.  However, this wasn’t by choice or because my parents did not allow these things.  It was because I grew up in the 1980s, before the internet and cell phone existed as they do today.  Sometimes I wonder how my childhood would have been different with a cell phone and the internet, and how those things would have affected me today as a parent of two young children.

Every day, parents are faced with making important, influential, and difficult decisions for their children with regards to how much and what type of technology their children use.  Often times, these decisions are based on age appropriateness use with consideration for what the parents of their children’s peers are allowing.

Research has discovered that as children enter adolescence, around 12 years of age, they will typically ask for their own cell phone.  This is usually because adolescence is a time to develop identity, autonomy, and self-esteem, and the cell phone can be used as, and is advertised as, a technology device that can help one develop and maintain these three important aspects of personality.  Research has also determined that adolescents typically need the help and support from their parents to purchase and maintain ownership of a cell phone.  To that extent, the following is a list of what the research has uncovered about what parents might expect as they step foot into the cellular phone store to purchase a cell phone for their child.

  1. Request for A More Flexible Curfew. Adolescents who own a cell phone generally request, or are given, more flexible curfews because now they can be more easily reached by parents.  More flexible curfew contributes to autonomy development.
  2. Perhaps A Little Less Anxious. Adolescents may experience less anxiety with a cell phone as they explore their autonomy and develop their identity and peer-relationships.  This is generally because they are just a phone call away from reaching their parents.
  3. Usually A Little More Balanced. Adolescents are likely to have an easy time balancing the need for autonomy with the need for connection and support from parents.  This is also because they are just a phone call away from reaching their parents.
  4. Be Prepared for Microcoordination. Parents communicate with their adolescent children on average of four times per day, mostly about logistical concerns such as when and where parents will pick them up and when they should be home.
  5. Adolescents Like When You Answer Their Call. The more they call, the better, as it increases their self-esteem, and yours, too!  Adolescents want the autonomy to communicate with their parents without the feelings of being monitored by their parents.
  6. Adolescents Want Your Input and Support on Their Social Life. Be prepared to discuss a topic that is important to your adolescent child when they call you.  Adolescents who frequently call their parents seeking social support show higher self-esteem and report better overall communication, peer approval, and closeness with parents when calls are made to seek social support or discuss a topic.  Parents’ self-esteem is increased as well when adolescents call them for support.
  7.   Adolescent Want To Hear About Family News and Information. When parents call to check-in and update their adolescents with future plans, information, or just to check up on school work, greater communication in the family and better family relationships are formed.
  8. Adolescents Do Want Their Space, Though. Let them call you more often than you call them, and try not to monitor your child’s whereabouts via cell phone. As it turns out, frequent cell phone calls from parents to their adolescents were associated with higher levels of parent-reported family disharmony and lower levels of parental knowledge of their adolescent’s life.
  9. Adolescents Do Not Like to Be Disciplined On A Cell Phone Call.  It’s best to discipline your adolescent child at home rather than over the cell phone.  If you’ve ever seen a parent discipline a child in public and thought it was publicly humiliating for the child, the same thing applies when disciplining your adolescent via cell phone.
  10. Adolescents Can Sense Your Emotions When You Call Them. Calls from upset, angry, or scared parents have been used to predict lower self-esteem in both adolescents and parents.  If you are feeling any of these emotions as a parent prior to calling your adolescent child, perhaps take a moment to breathe before dialing their number.
The Impact of Money on Relationships

The Impact of Money on Relationships

Navigating Love and Finances

The Impact of Money on Relationships

Explore how financial dynamics shape your relationship and discover tools to foster open communication about money matters.

The Role of Money in Relationships

Why Couples Should Talk About Money

Money is often a significant source of tension in relationships, affecting everything from daily interactions to long-term planning. Financial disagreements can lead to stress, mistrust, and even separation if not addressed properly. It’s crucial for couples to engage in honest conversations about their financial goals, spending habits, and budgeting strategies to build a strong, unified partnership.

By discussing money openly, couples can align their values and priorities, reducing misunderstandings and fostering a supportive environment. This dialogue is essential for creating a shared vision for the future, ensuring both partners feel heard and respected in financial decisions.

Understanding Financial Therapy

The Benefits of Financial Therapy

Financial Therapy is a transformative approach that combines emotional support with practical financial guidance. It helps individuals and couples address the emotional and psychological aspects of money management, leading to healthier financial behaviors and improved relationship dynamics. By working with a financial therapist such as Marina Edelman, couples can learn to navigate financial stressors, enhance communication, and develop a more harmonious approach to managing their finances together.

Essential Financial Discussions

  • What are our financial goals?
  • How do we manage our budget?
  • What are our spending habits?
  • How do we handle debt?
  • What is our savings strategy?
  • How do we plan for retirement?
  • What are our priorities for major purchases?
  • How do we approach financial emergencies?
  • What are our views on financial independence?
  • How do we communicate about money?
  • What is our investment strategy?
  • How do we balance individual and joint finances?
  • How do we handle financial disagreements?
  • What is our plan for financial education?
  • How do we support each other’s financial goals?
  • What are our expectations for financial roles?
  • How do we track our financial progress?
  • What are our plans for charitable giving?

Transform Your Relationship with Financial Therapy

Discover how financial therapy can strengthen your relationship by addressing money matters with clarity and compassion. Take the first step towards a healthier financial future together.

Does Being a Parent Make You Happier? Exploring the Relationship between Parenting and Happiness

Does Being a Parent Make You Happier? Exploring the Relationship between Parenting and Happiness

The question of whether being a parent leads to greater happiness has intrigued researchers and individuals alike. The answer, it seems, is not straightforward and varies depending on different stages of parenting and personal desires. In this blog post, we will delve into the research findings to shed light on the complex relationship between parenting and happiness.

The Role of Parental Intentions
A meta-analysis conducted by Sonya Lyubomirsky, which examined multiple studies on parenting and happiness, concluded that parents who intentionally chose to become parents tend to experience slightly higher levels of happiness compared to non-parents. This suggests that the desire to become a parent plays a significant role in one’s overall happiness.

Happiness Levels and Childbirth
Research has shown that happiness levels change as individuals transition into parenthood. Initially, the birth of a first child can lead to a boost in happiness. However, subsequent children tend to result in declining happiness levels. The responsibilities and challenges that come with raising multiple children can contribute to this decline. Nonetheless, it is important to note that individual experiences may vary.

Finding Joy in Larger Families
While happiness may decline with each subsequent child for some parents, there is evidence to suggest that individuals with larger families experience more joy during mid-life. As parents reach a certain stage in their lives, having a bigger family can bring a sense of fulfillment, companionship, and increased support networks, leading to greater overall happiness.

The Importance of Supportive Relationships
Parenthood can be both rewarding and demanding, and having a strong support system plays a vital role in parental happiness. Friendships that provide practical help, emotional support, and opportunities for confiding and sharing experiences can significantly contribute to a parent’s overall well-being. Building and nurturing these supportive relationships is crucial for parental happiness.

The relationship between parenting and happiness is nuanced and depends on various factors. While intentional parenthood and the birth of a first child may initially bring a sense of joy and fulfillment, subsequent children can lead to declining happiness levels for some individuals. However, those with larger families may find increased happiness during mid-life.

Importantly, the presence of supportive relationships and a strong support system can greatly impact a parent’s overall well-being and happiness. Ultimately, the decision to become a parent and the subsequent experiences are unique to each individual. It is essential to consider personal desires, circumstances, and the availability of supportive networks when reflecting on the connection between parenting and happiness. Are you struggling as a parent? We are here to help.

If you and your partner are looking for additional support in your relationship my associates and I are accepting new clients. Please feel free to call 818.851.1293 to learn more.

The Unlimited Benefits of Being Kind, Showing Compassion and Generosity!

The Unlimited Benefits of Being Kind, Showing Compassion and Generosity!

Prosocial behavior, characterized by acts of kindness, compassion, and generosity towards others, holds immense potential to create positive change in both individuals and communities. In this blog post, we will delve into the fascinating research that showcases the numerous benefits of engaging in prosocial behavior. From enhancing personal well-being to fostering social connections, these studies provide compelling evidence for the transformative power of kindness.

Improved Mental Health
Research consistently demonstrates the positive impact of prosocial behavior on mental health. Engaging in acts of kindness has been linked to increased life satisfaction, overall happiness, and a reduced risk of depression and anxiety. When we extend kindness to others, it activates brain regions associated with pleasure and reward, leading to a sense of fulfillment and contentment.

Enhanced Social Connection
Prosocial behavior plays a crucial role in building and strengthening social connections. Acts of kindness facilitate trust, cooperation, and reciprocity, fostering a sense of belonging and inclusion within communities. Research shows that individuals who engage in more prosocial behavior tend to have larger social networks, experience greater social support, and report higher levels of social connectedness.

Increased Physical Well-being
The benefits of prosocial behavior extend beyond mental health to physical well-being. Studies have found that individuals who regularly engage in acts of kindness and volunteer work experience lower levels of inflammation, reduced cardiovascular risk, and improved overall health. These positive physiological effects can be attributed to the reduction in stress and the boost in positive emotions associated with prosocial behavior.

Longevity and Well-being in Older Adults
Research suggests that engaging in prosocial behavior can have profound effects on the well-being and longevity of older adults. Older individuals who volunteer or engage in acts of kindness tend to experience better physical health, improved cognitive function, and a higher quality of life. Prosocial behavior provides a sense of purpose, social engagement, and a meaningful connection to others, which contributes to healthy aging.

Positive Impact on Workplace Culture
Prosocial behavior is not limited to personal relationships but can also transform workplace environments. Studies have found that when employees engage in acts of kindness and support their colleagues, it fosters a positive work culture, increased job satisfaction, and improved productivity. Acts of kindness can also create a ripple effect, inspiring others to engage in similar behaviors and creating a positive feedback loop.

Promotion of Prosocial Values in Children
Instilling prosocial values in children is vital for the development of compassionate and empathetic individuals. Research suggests that children who are exposed to prosocial behavior and are encouraged to engage in acts of kindness exhibit higher levels of empathy, emotional intelligence, and pro-social behaviors themselves. Cultivating kindness from an early age has long-lasting effects on children’s well-being and their ability to positively impact society.

Be kind!
The research is clear: engaging in prosocial behavior has a profound impact on our well-being, social connections, and overall happiness. By embracing kindness, compassion, and generosity, we not only improve our own lives but also create a ripple effect of positivity and inspire others to do the same. The evidence underscores the significance of pro-social behaviors in fostering healthier individuals, stronger communities, and a more compassionate world. Let us harness the power of prosocial behavior and contribute to a brighter future for ourselves and those around us.

If you and your partner are looking for additional support in your relationship my associates and I are accepting new clients. Please feel free to call 818.851.1293 to learn more.

What to Expect When You Go to Couples Therapy…

What to Expect When You Go to Couples Therapy…

A couple may feel that if they have love, then they should be able to work through anything that comes their way, without professional help. Yet love can be threatened in a relationship by feelings of not being heard or supported, lack of connectedness, difficulty working through challenges/disagreements effectively, and infidelity and betrayal, among other things. This can breed frustration and resentment between partners and give rise to criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling; the Four Horsemen of the apocalypse of the relationship — according to John Gottman, a noted researcher / theorist of relationships. If you experience these, they have probably caused a rift in your relationship. Couples therapists help partners recognize these aspects in their relationship and learn tools to replace them.

Below is a list of some of the things you might experience in couples therapy, with a therapist who has empathy for and is supportive of both partners:

  • Conversation about your goals for therapy
  • Formal/Informal assessment to pinpoint areas for focus in sessions
  • Joint and individual sessions
  • Discussion of the history of your relationship, and possibly previous relationships
  • Discussion of your lived experience and how it relates to your current issues
  • Exploration of your conflict pattern
  • Discussion about areas of gridlock, such as finances, becoming parents, parenting, family, in-laws, work/life balance, etc.
  • Discussion about your attachment style and what it means for your relationship
  • Exploration of infidelity and betrayal, the effects of it for both of you, what you both can do to support each other and rebuild connection and your relationship, identify risk factors
  • Learning ways to communicate effectively and coping strategies, practicing them in sessions, and between sessions
  • Finding ways to reconnect and reignite the bond, trust, and connection in your relationship
  • Learning more about your partner, increasing understanding and empathy for them
  • Revisiting areas of concern and support for growth, as you practice the new skills you have learned, with your therapist

Couples in healthy relationships still experience conflict, but it is how they communicate, the strength of their bond, and the positive sentiment they hold for each other that helps them get through it successfully and without resentment. John Gottman discovered that in healthy relationships, for every ONE negative interaction, there are at least FIVE positive interactions – the 5:1 ratio.

Couples therapy is not just for partners in trouble, some couples seek out therapy for a relationship tune-up or for premarital counseling.

If you are thinking about couples therapy, you can schedule a complimentary 20 minute virtual or phone conversation with Suzanne here.

Blog post written by Suzanne Perry, MS 7/31/23. Click here to read more about Suzanne and her theraputic style.

Oxytocin: Unraveling the Science Behind Connection and Bonding

Oxytocin: Unraveling the Science Behind Connection and Bonding

Human connection and bonding lie at the core of our emotional well-being and happiness. While love and attachment may seem like abstract concepts, there is a fascinating hormone at work behind the scenes—oxytocin. Often referred to as the “cuddle hormone” or the “moral molecule,” oxytocin plays a pivotal role in promoting connection, trust, and bonding among individuals. In this blog post, we will delve into the science behind oxytocin and explore its profound effects on human relationships.

The Science of Oxytocin
Oxytocin is a neuropeptide produced in the brain’s hypothalamus and released by the pituitary gland. Initially recognized for its role in childbirth and mother-child bonding, scientists have since discovered its involvement in a wide range of social behaviors and emotional experiences. Oxytocin acts as a signaling molecule, facilitating communication between the brain and various bodily systems.

The Power of Connection
Oxytocin has been found to play a crucial role in fostering social bonds and relationships. When released, it promotes feelings of trust, empathy, and connection, leading to enhanced social interactions. Studies have shown that oxytocin can increase monogamous tendencies in mammalian species, highlighting its impact on long-term bonding.

The Impact of Oxytocin on Romantic Relationships
In romantic partnerships, oxytocin levels surge during intimate moments, such as hugging, cuddling, or sexual activity. This hormone intensifies feelings of love and attachment between partners. Oxytocin’s release during physical touch promotes a sense of safety, closeness, and emotional well-being, contributing to the deepening of romantic bonds.

The Role of Oxytocin in Parent-Child Relationships
Oxytocin’s impact extends to the parent-child relationship. During childbirth and breastfeeding, oxytocin levels rise in both mother and child, fostering an emotional connection and promoting maternal-infant bonding. Oxytocin also influences parental behaviors, such as nurturing and caregiving, as it triggers feelings of protectiveness and fosters the parent-child bond.

Oxytocin and Social Trust
Oxytocin has been found to influence social trust and cooperation. Studies have shown that individuals with higher levels of oxytocin tend to exhibit greater trust in others, leading to more positive social interactions. This hormone promotes pro-social behaviors and reduces the fear and anxiety associated with social interactions, fostering a sense of belonging and community.

Boosting Oxytocin Naturally
While oxytocin is naturally released in response to certain experiences, there are several ways to boost its levels naturally: Engage in physical touch: Hugging, cuddling, and hand-holding with loved ones can trigger oxytocin release.
Practice acts of kindness: Acts of generosity and helping others have been shown to increase oxytocin levels.
Spend quality time with loved ones: Nurturing relationships through shared experiences and meaningful conversations can promote oxytocin release.

Oxytocin, the fascinating hormone at the heart of human connection and bonding, holds tremendous power in shaping our relationships and emotional well-being. From fostering trust and empathy to deepening romantic bonds and nurturing parent-child relationships, oxytocin plays a vital role in our social interactions. Understanding the science behind oxytocin can help us appreciate the significance of human connection and motivate us to nurture and cherish the relationships that bring us joy, fulfillment, and a sense of belonging. So, let us embrace the power of oxytocin and strive to cultivate meaningful connections in our lives for happier and more fulfilling relationships.

If you and your partner are looking for additional support in your relationship my associates and I are accepting new clients. Please feel free to call 818.851.1293 to learn more.

Managing the Generational Gap and Fear

Managing the Generational Gap and Fear

What is the generation gap?  The generation gap is simply defined as a difference in values and attitudes between one generation and another. The generation gap helps explain why older and younger people or individuals from different generations have a hard time understanding each other. Individuals have many differences in experiences, opinions, habits, and behaviors from different generations that tend to stick with them long-term. 

Family Generational Gaps and Fear

Generational gaps between family members can bring up conflicts that can sometimes be hard to navigate or just feel frustrating due to not understanding the other persons point of view. This could look like dealing with family members who are “stuck in their ways”, navigating the technology gap, family members being open to trying new things and others are not, lack of common interests, or overall just struggling understanding one another and why one person may behave the way that they do. We are also now living in an era of change which has produced a lot of fear among all generations.

In a post-pandemic, technology evolving, and consistently changing society, it is common for there to be underlying fears intertwining with the generational gap that impact interactions with family members, communication, and cause conflict between family members. Some of the fears can be surrounding, traveling, vaccines, technology advances, and more. All of these in which can impact family harmony if there is a disagreement, difference of opinion, or one family member is more fearful about something than the other family member. 

Bridging the Gap

As there are many factors that play into the drivers of fear and the generational gap, listening to each family member and their own perspective on things (without judgement) can be helpful. It can be easy to judge other family members for doing things a specific way not normal to you or because of fear but listening without judgment provides space for compassion and can help you have a better understanding of where your family member is coming from. It can also be helpful to explain your intentions when introducing something new or different to a family member that may seem a bit scary to them. Explaining your intentions can feel less intimidating and leave the conversation open for questions and non-violent communication. Bridging the gap, especially with the underlying fear is not always easy, but starting from a place with compassion, openness, and curiosity can help make the conversations much easier.

Final words from Marina Edelman, LMFT

Navigating difficult conversations and differences in opinions can be challenging. It can be helpful to seek out a therapist who can help you build on your communication skills and learn how to navigate family conflicts. My associates and I have worked with many families to help them work navigate difficult and unique challenges. We are currently accepting new clients.

Marina Edelman | 818.851.1293 | www.new.truemecounseling.com | Westlake Village, CA