by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Feb 8, 2024 | couples, couples counseling, holiday, love, marriage
Valentine’s Day is often celebrated with grand gestures, romantic dinners, and extravagant gifts. However, amidst the flurry of roses and chocolates, it’s essential to remember that the true essence of this day lies in fostering love and connection, not just with a partner, but with ourselves and those around us. In this blog post, we’ll explore how mindfulness practices can enrich our Valentine’s Day experience, helping us cultivate deeper connections and spread love in meaningful ways.
Grounding in the Present Moment
Valentine’s Day can sometimes evoke feelings of longing or nostalgia, especially for those who are single or have experienced loss. Mindfulness teaches us to anchor ourselves in the present moment, appreciating the beauty and love that surrounds us right now. Take a few moments to pause, breathe deeply, and observe the sights, sounds, and sensations around you. Whether it’s the warmth of sunlight on your skin or the laughter of friends, grounding yourself in the present can foster a sense of gratitude and connection.
Loving-Kindness Meditation
A powerful mindfulness practice for cultivating love and connection is loving-kindness meditation, also known as Metta meditation. Begin by directing kind and loving thoughts towards yourself, then gradually extend these wishes to loved ones, acquaintances, and even those with whom you may have difficulties. On Valentine’s Day, set aside time for a loving-kindness meditation practice, allowing yourself to connect with the inherent goodness and humanity within yourself and others.
Meaningful Gestures of Appreciation
While extravagant gifts can be delightful, the most meaningful expressions of love often come from simple, heartfelt gestures. Practice mindfulness by infusing your actions with intention and presence. Write a heartfelt note expressing your gratitude and appreciation for someone special in your life. Prepare a meal with mindfulness, savoring each ingredient and infusing it with love. Small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness can deepen connections and foster a sense of shared joy and appreciation.
Deep Listening and Empathy
Mindful listening is a powerful tool for cultivating love and connection in relationships. Instead of rushing through conversations or formulating responses in your mind, practice deep listening—fully present and attentive to the words and emotions of your loved ones. Validate their feelings, offer empathy, and create a safe space for open communication. By listening mindfully, you strengthen your connections and deepen your understanding of one another.
Cultivating Self-Compassion
Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to celebrate all forms of love, including the love we have for ourselves. Unfortunately, self-criticism and doubt can often overshadow self-love. Practice mindfulness by cultivating self-compassion—acknowledging your own humanity, flaws, and imperfections with kindness and understanding. Treat yourself with the same warmth and compassion you would offer to a dear friend, recognizing that you are worthy of love and belonging just as you are.
By incorporating mindfulness practices into our celebrations, we can deepen our connections, foster compassion, and spread love in meaningful ways. Whether you’re spending the day with a partner, friends, or alone, may you embrace the present moment with open-heartedness and gratitude, cultivating love and connection in every interaction.
If you and your partner are needing some extra support, I am currently accepting new clients both online and in-person. You may call me at the number below or book directly on my website!
www.new.truemecounseling.com 818.851.1293
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Oct 17, 2023 | Blog, couples, family, friends, love
The question of whether being a parent leads to greater happiness has intrigued researchers and individuals alike. The answer, it seems, is not straightforward and varies depending on different stages of parenting and personal desires. In this blog post, we will delve into the research findings to shed light on the complex relationship between parenting and happiness.
The Role of Parental Intentions
A meta-analysis conducted by Sonya Lyubomirsky, which examined multiple studies on parenting and happiness, concluded that parents who intentionally chose to become parents tend to experience slightly higher levels of happiness compared to non-parents. This suggests that the desire to become a parent plays a significant role in one’s overall happiness.
Happiness Levels and Childbirth
Research has shown that happiness levels change as individuals transition into parenthood. Initially, the birth of a first child can lead to a boost in happiness. However, subsequent children tend to result in declining happiness levels. The responsibilities and challenges that come with raising multiple children can contribute to this decline. Nonetheless, it is important to note that individual experiences may vary.
Finding Joy in Larger Families
While happiness may decline with each subsequent child for some parents, there is evidence to suggest that individuals with larger families experience more joy during mid-life. As parents reach a certain stage in their lives, having a bigger family can bring a sense of fulfillment, companionship, and increased support networks, leading to greater overall happiness.
The Importance of Supportive Relationships
Parenthood can be both rewarding and demanding, and having a strong support system plays a vital role in parental happiness. Friendships that provide practical help, emotional support, and opportunities for confiding and sharing experiences can significantly contribute to a parent’s overall well-being. Building and nurturing these supportive relationships is crucial for parental happiness.
The relationship between parenting and happiness is nuanced and depends on various factors. While intentional parenthood and the birth of a first child may initially bring a sense of joy and fulfillment, subsequent children can lead to declining happiness levels for some individuals. However, those with larger families may find increased happiness during mid-life.
Importantly, the presence of supportive relationships and a strong support system can greatly impact a parent’s overall well-being and happiness. Ultimately, the decision to become a parent and the subsequent experiences are unique to each individual. It is essential to consider personal desires, circumstances, and the availability of supportive networks when reflecting on the connection between parenting and happiness. Are you struggling as a parent? We are here to help.
If you and your partner are looking for additional support in your relationship my associates and I are accepting new clients. Please feel free to call 818.851.1293 to learn more.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Aug 24, 2023 | Blog, couples, family, friends, love
Prosocial behavior, characterized by acts of kindness, compassion, and generosity towards others, holds immense potential to create positive change in both individuals and communities. In this blog post, we will delve into the fascinating research that showcases the numerous benefits of engaging in prosocial behavior. From enhancing personal well-being to fostering social connections, these studies provide compelling evidence for the transformative power of kindness.
Improved Mental Health
Research consistently demonstrates the positive impact of prosocial behavior on mental health. Engaging in acts of kindness has been linked to increased life satisfaction, overall happiness, and a reduced risk of depression and anxiety. When we extend kindness to others, it activates brain regions associated with pleasure and reward, leading to a sense of fulfillment and contentment.
Enhanced Social Connection
Prosocial behavior plays a crucial role in building and strengthening social connections. Acts of kindness facilitate trust, cooperation, and reciprocity, fostering a sense of belonging and inclusion within communities. Research shows that individuals who engage in more prosocial behavior tend to have larger social networks, experience greater social support, and report higher levels of social connectedness.
Increased Physical Well-being
The benefits of prosocial behavior extend beyond mental health to physical well-being. Studies have found that individuals who regularly engage in acts of kindness and volunteer work experience lower levels of inflammation, reduced cardiovascular risk, and improved overall health. These positive physiological effects can be attributed to the reduction in stress and the boost in positive emotions associated with prosocial behavior.
Longevity and Well-being in Older Adults
Research suggests that engaging in prosocial behavior can have profound effects on the well-being and longevity of older adults. Older individuals who volunteer or engage in acts of kindness tend to experience better physical health, improved cognitive function, and a higher quality of life. Prosocial behavior provides a sense of purpose, social engagement, and a meaningful connection to others, which contributes to healthy aging.
Positive Impact on Workplace Culture
Prosocial behavior is not limited to personal relationships but can also transform workplace environments. Studies have found that when employees engage in acts of kindness and support their colleagues, it fosters a positive work culture, increased job satisfaction, and improved productivity. Acts of kindness can also create a ripple effect, inspiring others to engage in similar behaviors and creating a positive feedback loop.
Promotion of Prosocial Values in Children
Instilling prosocial values in children is vital for the development of compassionate and empathetic individuals. Research suggests that children who are exposed to prosocial behavior and are encouraged to engage in acts of kindness exhibit higher levels of empathy, emotional intelligence, and pro-social behaviors themselves. Cultivating kindness from an early age has long-lasting effects on children’s well-being and their ability to positively impact society.
Be kind!
The research is clear: engaging in prosocial behavior has a profound impact on our well-being, social connections, and overall happiness. By embracing kindness, compassion, and generosity, we not only improve our own lives but also create a ripple effect of positivity and inspire others to do the same. The evidence underscores the significance of pro-social behaviors in fostering healthier individuals, stronger communities, and a more compassionate world. Let us harness the power of prosocial behavior and contribute to a brighter future for ourselves and those around us.
If you and your partner are looking for additional support in your relationship my associates and I are accepting new clients. Please feel free to call 818.851.1293 to learn more.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Aug 1, 2023 | Blog, couples, family, friends, love
A couple may feel that if they have love, then they should be able to work through anything that comes their way, without professional help. Yet love can be threatened in a relationship by feelings of not being heard or supported, lack of connectedness, difficulty working through challenges/disagreements effectively, and infidelity and betrayal, among other things. This can breed frustration and resentment between partners and give rise to criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling; the Four Horsemen of the apocalypse of the relationship — according to John Gottman, a noted researcher / theorist of relationships. If you experience these, they have probably caused a rift in your relationship. Couples therapists help partners recognize these aspects in their relationship and learn tools to replace them.
Below is a list of some of the things you might experience in couples therapy, with a therapist who has empathy for and is supportive of both partners:
- Conversation about your goals for therapy
- Formal/Informal assessment to pinpoint areas for focus in sessions
- Joint and individual sessions
- Discussion of the history of your relationship, and possibly previous relationships
- Discussion of your lived experience and how it relates to your current issues
- Exploration of your conflict pattern
- Discussion about areas of gridlock, such as finances, becoming parents, parenting, family, in-laws, work/life balance, etc.
- Discussion about your attachment style and what it means for your relationship
- Exploration of infidelity and betrayal, the effects of it for both of you, what you both can do to support each other and rebuild connection and your relationship, identify risk factors
- Learning ways to communicate effectively and coping strategies, practicing them in sessions, and between sessions
- Finding ways to reconnect and reignite the bond, trust, and connection in your relationship
- Learning more about your partner, increasing understanding and empathy for them
- Revisiting areas of concern and support for growth, as you practice the new skills you have learned, with your therapist
Couples in healthy relationships still experience conflict, but it is how they communicate, the strength of their bond, and the positive sentiment they hold for each other that helps them get through it successfully and without resentment. John Gottman discovered that in healthy relationships, for every ONE negative interaction, there are at least FIVE positive interactions – the 5:1 ratio.
Couples therapy is not just for partners in trouble, some couples seek out therapy for a relationship tune-up or for premarital counseling.
If you are thinking about couples therapy, you can schedule a complimentary 20 minute virtual or phone conversation with Suzanne here.
Blog post written by Suzanne Perry, MS 7/31/23. Click here to read more about Suzanne and her theraputic style.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Jun 20, 2023 | Blog, couples, couples counseling, love, marriage
Human connection and bonding lie at the core of our emotional well-being and happiness. While love and attachment may seem like abstract concepts, there is a fascinating hormone at work behind the scenes—oxytocin. Often referred to as the “cuddle hormone” or the “moral molecule,” oxytocin plays a pivotal role in promoting connection, trust, and bonding among individuals. In this blog post, we will delve into the science behind oxytocin and explore its profound effects on human relationships.
The Science of Oxytocin
Oxytocin is a neuropeptide produced in the brain’s hypothalamus and released by the pituitary gland. Initially recognized for its role in childbirth and mother-child bonding, scientists have since discovered its involvement in a wide range of social behaviors and emotional experiences. Oxytocin acts as a signaling molecule, facilitating communication between the brain and various bodily systems.
The Power of Connection
Oxytocin has been found to play a crucial role in fostering social bonds and relationships. When released, it promotes feelings of trust, empathy, and connection, leading to enhanced social interactions. Studies have shown that oxytocin can increase monogamous tendencies in mammalian species, highlighting its impact on long-term bonding.
The Impact of Oxytocin on Romantic Relationships
In romantic partnerships, oxytocin levels surge during intimate moments, such as hugging, cuddling, or sexual activity. This hormone intensifies feelings of love and attachment between partners. Oxytocin’s release during physical touch promotes a sense of safety, closeness, and emotional well-being, contributing to the deepening of romantic bonds.
The Role of Oxytocin in Parent-Child Relationships
Oxytocin’s impact extends to the parent-child relationship. During childbirth and breastfeeding, oxytocin levels rise in both mother and child, fostering an emotional connection and promoting maternal-infant bonding. Oxytocin also influences parental behaviors, such as nurturing and caregiving, as it triggers feelings of protectiveness and fosters the parent-child bond.
Oxytocin and Social Trust
Oxytocin has been found to influence social trust and cooperation. Studies have shown that individuals with higher levels of oxytocin tend to exhibit greater trust in others, leading to more positive social interactions. This hormone promotes pro-social behaviors and reduces the fear and anxiety associated with social interactions, fostering a sense of belonging and community.
Boosting Oxytocin Naturally
While oxytocin is naturally released in response to certain experiences, there are several ways to boost its levels naturally: Engage in physical touch: Hugging, cuddling, and hand-holding with loved ones can trigger oxytocin release.
Practice acts of kindness: Acts of generosity and helping others have been shown to increase oxytocin levels.
Spend quality time with loved ones: Nurturing relationships through shared experiences and meaningful conversations can promote oxytocin release.
Oxytocin, the fascinating hormone at the heart of human connection and bonding, holds tremendous power in shaping our relationships and emotional well-being. From fostering trust and empathy to deepening romantic bonds and nurturing parent-child relationships, oxytocin plays a vital role in our social interactions. Understanding the science behind oxytocin can help us appreciate the significance of human connection and motivate us to nurture and cherish the relationships that bring us joy, fulfillment, and a sense of belonging. So, let us embrace the power of oxytocin and strive to cultivate meaningful connections in our lives for happier and more fulfilling relationships.
If you and your partner are looking for additional support in your relationship my associates and I are accepting new clients. Please feel free to call 818.851.1293 to learn more.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Mar 14, 2023 | couples, couples counseling, love, marriage
Maintaining a healthy and happy relationship takes effort, commitment, and a willingness to work through the challenges that inevitably arise. However, even the strongest relationships can face difficulties that are difficult to overcome on their own. This is where couples counseling comes in. Couples counseling is a form of therapy that helps couples identify and work through their problems, improve their communication skills, and ultimately strengthen their relationship.
Benefits
One of the primary benefits of couples counseling is that it provides a safe and supportive space for couples to work through their problems. In many cases, couples are dealing with issues such as communication breakdowns, trust issues, infidelity, financial problems, or disagreements about parenting styles. These issues can be incredibly difficult to work through on your own, and can often lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and despair. However, with the help of a trained therapist, couples can learn new communication skills, improve their conflict resolution abilities, and work through their issues in a way that is healthy and constructive.
Another benefit of couples counseling is that it provides a non-judgmental space for couples to explore their feelings and concerns. Often, couples feel as though they can’t talk to their partner about certain issues because they don’t want to hurt their feelings or cause conflict. However, in therapy, couples can explore these issues in a safe and supportive environment, without fear of judgment or backlash. This can help to create a sense of openness and trust in the relationship, which can lead to greater intimacy and connection.
What the research says
Research has consistently shown that couples counseling can be incredibly effective in helping couples overcome their difficulties and improve their relationship. In fact, a meta-analysis of 75 studies published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that couples therapy was effective in helping 70% of couples improve their relationship. Additionally, the study found that couples who participated in therapy saw an average improvement of 10-20% in their relationship satisfaction scores.
Learning the patterns and communicating needs
One of the reasons that couples counseling is so effective is that it helps couples to identify and address the underlying issues that are causing their problems. Often, couples get stuck in a cycle of negative interactions, where they blame, criticize, or withdraw from each other in response to conflict. However, a skilled therapist can help couples to break this cycle by identifying the underlying emotions and needs that are driving their behavior. By learning to communicate their feelings and needs more effectively, couples can begin to build a stronger, more resilient relationship.
Couples counseling can be incredibly effective in helping couples save their relationship. Whether you’re dealing with communication issues, trust issues, infidelity, or other challenges, working with a skilled therapist can help you to identify the underlying issues and develop the skills you need to work through them. By improving your communication, conflict resolution, and emotional connection, you can build a stronger, more resilient relationship that will stand the test of time.
If you and your partner are looking for additional support in your relationship my associates and I are accepting new clients. Please feel free to call 818.851.1293 to learn more.
by Marina Edelman, LMFT | Feb 23, 2023 | couples, couples counseling, love
Money is one of the most common sources of tension in a relationship. In fact, disagreements about finances are one of the leading causes of marital conflict. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. With some planning and communication, you can navigate finances as a couple and build a stronger relationship.
Here are a few tips to effectively manage finances in your relationship:
Have an Open and Honest Conversation: The first step to managing finances as a couple is to have an open and honest conversation. Talk about your financial goals, your spending habits, your debts, and your income. Share your concerns and be honest about your financial situation. This will help you both get on the same page and develop a plan for managing your money together.
Set a Budget: Once you have a clear understanding of your financial situation, set a budget. A budget will help you manage your money and ensure that you’re both on the same page about your expenses. Start by identifying your essential expenses, such as housing, utilities, and groceries, and then allocate money for discretionary spending, such as dining out and entertainment.
Identify Your Financial Goals: In addition to setting a budget, it’s important to identify your financial goals as a couple. Do you want to save for a down payment on a house, pay off debt, or save for retirement? Identifying your financial goals will help you prioritize your spending and make sure that your money is going towards the things that are most important to both of you.
Use Technology to Your Advantage: There are many financial tools and apps available that can help you manage your money as a couple. Consider using a budgeting app to track your spending and keep you on track with your financial goals. You can also use a shared spreadsheet or document to keep track of your expenses and make sure that you’re both on the same page.
Have Regular Check-Ins: To ensure that you’re staying on track with your financial goals, it’s important to have regular check-ins. Set a time each week or month to review your spending and adjust your budget as needed. This will help you stay accountable and ensure that you’re both working towards your financial goals.
Save for Big Expenses: Finally, it’s important to save for big expenses, such as a vacation or a home renovation. Set up a separate savings account for these expenses and contribute a set amount each month. This will help you avoid going into debt and ensure that you’re able to enjoy these expenses without financial stress.
Seek support: If you find you and you partner continuing to struggle with communication and navigating issues around finances, seeking support from a therapist may be helpful.
Managing finances as a couple is an important part of building a strong and healthy relationship. By being open and honest with your partner and actively listening to each other, you and you partner can build a brighter financial future together.
If you are your partner need additional support, I am currently accepting new clients both online and in-person. You may call me at the number below or book directly on my website!
www.new.truemecounseling.com 818.851.1293
